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1
Projects Blog / Re: Chronicles of the Brush: Iyanden's Journey
« Last post by magenb on Yesterday at 06:14:01 PM »
rocking the warwalker back looks better than having the pilot sitting straight upright, nice idea :)
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Projects Blog / Re: Chronicles of the Brush: Iyanden's Journey
« Last post by Myen'Tal on January 15, 2022, 05:15:00 PM »
Wow what a drop. Loving it all especially the dragon. Your prisms look great in that color scheme. Walkers, what can i say, have 10 plastics only 3 painted in all the years ive had them so seeing yours gives me hope.

Thanks, Dread! The work continues!





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Projects Blog / Re: Chronicles of the Brush: Iyanden's Journey
« Last post by Dread on January 15, 2022, 03:52:16 PM »
Wow what a drop. Loving it all especially the dragon. Your prisms look great in that color scheme. Walkers, what can i say, have 10 plastics only 3 painted in all the years ive had them so seeing yours gives me hope.
4
Projects Blog / Re: Chronicles of the Brush: Iyanden\'s Journey
« Last post by Myen'Tal on January 15, 2022, 12:27:19 PM »
Work In Progress Update








Post Merge: January 15, 2022, 03:00:40 PM
In the future, please use the modify button. Double posting is against the forum rules, and for that reason, the system merged your posts.

Continuing the work in progress!









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Projects Blog / Re: Wolfspear 4th Jarldom
« Last post by magenb on January 13, 2022, 04:01:58 PM »
Hulk Hogan became a space marine :)
They all look great, well done
6
Art & Fiction / Re: A Sanctum of Swords
« Last post by Myen'Tal on January 13, 2022, 12:42:58 PM »
Hey Alienscar,

Thank you for the feedback. Appointment with the editor is still a little ways away, so I don't mind the suggestions at all. You made good points, so I'll definitely make those changes in the next writing session.
7
Art & Fiction / Re: A Sanctum of Swords
« Last post by Alienscar on January 13, 2022, 10:05:45 AM »
Probably not a lot of help as you are working with a real editor now, but here are a few thoughts.

Quote
Leagues of urban sprawl lay demolished around it


A league is three mile in length, so now your description of the forked road and a tower becomes confused. Adofo and crew can see the tower clearly, but the tower is separated from the road by more than three miles of rubble!

Quote
We’ve arrived at the Forlorn Eyrie, Lord.
The Forlorn Tower appears ruined and could fall down on us

Forlorn Tower, or Forlorn Eyrie?

Quote
Several passages should exist for every area of the Zar District we borrow into.

Did you mean to write burrow?

Quote
Plant one torch in each general direction, like a circle around our perimeter

This doesn’t really describe anything as the expression ‘general direction’ is too vague to mean anything.

I think something more direct would be better: Set up the torches in a circle around us.


Quote
Hidden behind the bend at the forked road, rustling swept out of the night.

This is an incomplete sentence, or more precisely the thoughts aren’t connected enough to make sense.

Also I would say ‘behind’ is the wrong word to describe something out of sight around a bend. I also think you are making this one phrase work too hard. You are trying to describe something hidden and the road layout at the same time, and it doesn’t quite work. Additionally describing a sound as hidden doesn’t make sense as sound is invisible.

What about something like...

In the distance, where the road forked to the left, a rustling sound growing ever louder could be heard.

Quote
Sixty Children of the Sun, equipped in their superior arsenal of cataphract scale armor and satin clothing.

This is another sentence in which the thoughts aren't quite connected enough to make complete sense.

Quote
Adofo made out an oncoming horde. An entire patrol quaked the cobblestone path underfoot. Sixty Children of the Sun,

Describing the size of the opposing forces three times in such a small paragraph really slows the pace. As the aim of this paragraph appears to be the sudden appearance of a horde then I would say it needs to be more direct so as to provide more pace to the action.

For example:

In the distance, where the road forked to the left, a rustling sound growing ever louder could be heard. Suddenly, from around the bend, sixty Children of the Sun appeared rushing towards them. From the light of the lanterns Adofo could make out that the Children were much better equipped for war than his forces were.


Quote
Hidden behind the bend at the forked road, rustling swept out of the night. Another three burning spheres rushed out toward them, rivaling the speed of a running warrior. Unveiled by bright fires, Adofo made out an oncoming horde.

You have described the fork in the road as being close to the Eyrie, but you have described the Eyrie as being surrounded by three mile of rubble. This means the Children of the Sun are having to run for three mile before they engage Adofo.
8
Projects Blog / Re: Wolfspear 4th Jarldom
« Last post by Lord of Winter and War on January 13, 2022, 09:15:14 AM »
Thank you very much!

Hey folks, small update.

Finished my incursors, which is exciting. Also, I'm very excited about the news from Warhammer Community today as that is my army! (minus the speeder...)

Also, I took some better pictures of some of the other units.



















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Art & Fiction / Re: A Sanctum of Swords
« Last post by Myen'Tal on January 12, 2022, 01:28:41 PM »
Understood, I will cast that chapter name into the fire then.

Thanks for the feedback  :).
10
Art & Fiction / Re: A Sanctum of Swords
« Last post by Alienscar on January 12, 2022, 06:09:44 AM »

Thanks for your opinion on the chapter title. Do you think 'Fires of Genesis' will work better?

Thanks!

To be honest, no I don't think Fires of Genesis would work better. Generally speaking a phrase requires a verb and a noun to work, so two nouns (fires & genesis') don't really work.

I think maybe you are trying to use the wrong word by using genesis.

Genesis means the origin, or beginning of something, so by writing 'Fires of genesis' you have said fires of beginning. I would hope you agree that this doesn't work. Also genesis is used to describe the beginning/origin of something, so by just using genesis on its own the reader is left hanging.

For example:

The genesis of life on earth.

The genesis of the civil rights movement.


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