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Author Topic: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)  (Read 1202 times)

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Offline -Makenshi-

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[Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« on: April 6, 2007, 06:14:07 PM »
This is supposed to be a two part story to test out some characters in my 'Seis'Houjin: Midnight' story, although chances are it would be worked into the main story as well, though not neccassarily all in one piece (i.e. as flashbacks of some sort). It could also be considered a response to a writing challenge on another Forum (link in sig if you're interested), since reading that gave me the idea for how to set this out.

Warnings: Quite a lot of death and violence (nothing too graphic though).



Seis'Houjin: Chimera

Part One: Shiva

Eligos could feel the stabbing pain in his left leg grow and grow, but he had no choice but to rush. Those fools had set Shiva off again on another one of his rampages, and he could not afford for the General to pull the plug on his research: they had the potential change everything!

He limped as fast as he could down the grey-white corridor and through the large double doors that led to the underground passages and rooms, careful to order any and all people he met to head to the entrance and under no circumstances return to the facility until he said so. The dirty underground corridors bitterly reminded him about how little most of his superiors regarded his work. They may have had access to the most advanced medical magi-technology available, but their location was far less than desirable. He had made do with what was given to him though, not that they appreciated it.

A sudden yelp of terror brought him out of his own thoughts just in time to see one of the assigned soldiers soaring from an adjacent corridor and crashing into the thick, military style, metal wall with a sickening crunch.




"Thirteen dead, three gravely injured and one minor injury. Tell me Eligos, how is this progress?"

The middle-aged soldier-turned-doctor had been silent throughout his superior's tirade, he knew through experience that one did not interrupt the General unless they wanted to be punished severely, especially given the deadly serious subject of their discussion.

Eligos nervously fiddled with his gloves, an old habit from his days of serving for his country, and finally spoke up, though with barely concealed fear in his voice. "Sir, while it is true that the losses have been severe, this is only because of the foolish actions of one person. I told you when I requested soldiers as guards that they must follow what I told them to the letter: before you are the-"

The generals eyes had deepened further into a frown of annoyance and anger. "Do not lecture me about consequences Eligos! Because of that project of yours at least thirteen families have lost one of their loved ones. If you can no longer keep it under control then I will not hesitate to destroy it"

Eligos gritted his teeth to prevent from shouting back in kind. "With all due respect sir, Shiva's potential is enormous, far greater than that of thirteen or even a hundred foot soldiers. Even the mercenaries of the Kinships pale in comparison! This incident was caused when one of your soldiers over-stepped their boundaries and interacted with her, that is what caused him to wake." The General just sat back in his seat, fingers interlocked and deep in thought, making Eligos question whether he had actually listened to a word he had said now, or indeed ever in the past. "Furthermore-"

Once again the older man simply ignored Eligos' own attempt to speak. "Very well then Eligos. You are so convinced that it was my soldier at fault, despite nothing of that nature having being included in the report given to me by the head of security for your project-"

"Of course he would not incriminate his own men!" Eligos snapped.

"Be very careful Eligos” The general's eyes narrowed dangerously. “The only reason I even permitted this in the first place is because I have faith in your decisions, or rather I had faith." He looked ready to interrupt again but the General raised a hand to quickly silence him. "Because of the past, I am willing to give you a chance to explain yourself, after all, you were not present when the incident took place am I correct?" He did not need to wait for Eligos' barely noticeable nod of the head, but he did so anyway. "Then you will understand if I ask you how it is you know what set this whole incident off?"

"He told me" Eligos spoke through gritted teeth.

"Who?"

"Shiva"

"And you believe that lunatic?"

"Shiva is not a lunatic!" Eligos slammed his fist onto the General's desk. "He is far from it and that is what makes him so unique! It is as I told you the first time this happened: he does not simply attack blindly, just like before only those with potential weapons were harmed, all of the other doctors and our nurses were, at most, moved aside or knocked unconscious. Shiva is not only fully capable of making his own decisions but he does so with frightening peace and serenity about himself - differentiating friend from foe and neutralising any threats within a matter of seconds and with no regrets"

There was another moment of deep deliberation before the General next spoke. "Very well, tell me what it said"



Eligos froze as the body crumpled back to the floor, unmoving and at an odd angle, with one of those newfangled 'guns', or whatever they called them, still strapped around his shoulder. Eligos knew that mere humans, no matter what technology they used, could not match Shiva's reflexes, even if he was unable to kill without even raising a finger to his target, an ordinary soldier would not stand a chance.

He cautiously stepped forward, listening carefully to the shouts of what sounded like two more men around the corner. 'Fools!' he thought to himself, 'I told that imbecile leader of theirs that they should not carry their weapons with them'. Before Eligos could creep around the corner he felt the wall shake as an unimaginable force crashed into the wall he was leaning against, almost simultaneously accompanied by a scream and another multitude of cracks.

He hobbled as stealthily as he could around the corner only to be lifted and shoved into the wall, just above one of the dead soldiers, by the same force that had shook the building's very foundations. He could not breathe, could barely see. All he could feel was the air all around him crushing his chest, making mere breathing impossible, and pinning his arms, legs and head forcefully against the cold corridor wall - he barely even registered the sharp pain in his right shoulder, were the force first hit him.

After a few seconds the air retreated and he fell to the ground, gasping for breath and clutching his right shoulder, the old wound in his leg barely registering in comparison.

Eligos grimaced and looked up from his huddled position on the floor, this time to see another soldier floating in mid air, desperately clawing at his own neck in a vain attempt to loosen the force preventing his own breathing. "Shiva! Enough!" Even such a short exclamation caused him to cough and gasp for air.

The soldier, now free from the force crushing him, dropped to the ground unmoving but for the slight rise and fall of his chest, Eligos had intervened just in time.

"Eligos?" The serene, almost angelic voice spoke.

Further down the corridor where the soldier had previously been, another figure floated just above the ground, only this one wore a simple dirty white garb. It was only one piece of baggy material to protect the owner's modesty, looking more like an oversized shirt that trails to one's knees than anything else.

Shiva moved towards Eligos slowly but steadily, as if the air were just dragging him forward at a constant pace, his feet never touching the ground and his body remaining unmoving save those eyes. At first glance, and in part due to the baggy shirt, one would find it difficult to say whether Shiva was male or female: he was very slight for a man, but bulkier than a woman. His face had an almost haunting delicateness about it, though his expression most often tempered it with harsh uncaringness.

For the first time Eligos actually let the situation sink in and attempted to stand up to properly speak his mind before the pain in his leg resurfaced and forced him to sit down. This did not change the authority and anger in his voice though. "What is the meaning of this Shiva?"

If the slight young man felt chastised by Eligos' tone then he did not show it, his voice rang out as level as it always did: "They scared her. They came to her with metal forged to hurt."

"They scared who?"

"My sister"

Eligos sighed angrily. "You have no sister Shiva!”

“I do” the voice too deep for a woman yet not deep enough for a man spoke menacingly. “She speaks to me, she needs me...”

“Then tell me Shiva, what is the colour of her hair? Her eyes? What is her name?”

The impassive mask crumbled for a moment, and the young man before Eligos resembled a last child more than the mindless killer most thought him to be. It was short-lived however, as he looked around to distract himself from something he did not want to think about.

Shiva cocked his head to the side. Then turned it to the side to examine the second victim who Eligos had not truly noticed until now, though he had certainly felt it. While the flashes of a uniform allowed one to identify the man to have been a soldier, his body had been crushed beyond all recognition against the wall, even going so far as to leave a dent in the reinforced metal.

The serene figure's face showed no change as his ever attentive eyes analysed what was once a man through his light brown fringe, sticky with sweat and what looked like traces of blood. Shiva looked back at him, and Eligos could see the trace of regret briefly cross his otherwise stoic face.

Eligos could not help but ask, just as he had before. "Do you regret it Shiva?"

"No" He replied with frightening determination. "I would do it again, to not would deny what...who I am." Shiva glanced at the other dead soldier, the one next to Eligos. "I regret others will hurt for what I have done though"

'Just like before' Eligos thought almost proudly to himself as Shiva stumbled in the air, grimacing slightly. "You need to rest Shiva, you have tired yourself out by using your abilities so much"

He returned, clumsily to the ground and, in an ironic twist, was now gasping for his own breath in a slightly hunched position. It was probably this position of apparent weakness that prompted the, until now, hidden soldier to burst from behind an upturned medicinal trolley, aiming one of those rifles at Shiva.

"Neither of you move!"

Too late did Eligos react to the soldier's order, too late did he shout to Shiva to stop. For from the moment Shiva's eyes dilated and that brief flick of fear and anger cross his face Eligos knew there was nothing he could do: the soldier was the enemy in Shiva's mind.

The rifle bent and buckled into a useless mess of metal as the soldier's arms twisted backwards and snapped. The soldier took in a breath to scream in pain and terror but there was no where for it to go, all around the doomed man the air was compacting him, crushing him from all angles against himself.

Eligos turned away from the horrid sight.




For the third time since Eligos had come here the General sat in contemplative silence after hearing what happened. Only this time it was for far longer. He stood there nervously for well over a quarter of an hour before the General spoke again, his voice dejected but authoritative.

"I will allow your research into this thing to continue, I will make sure only the most disciplined of soldiers are sent here, and I will ensure they are graphically aware of the consequences of insubordination while here." Eligos sighed with relief, but was interrupted from replying. "But this is it Eligos. The slate is clean. If that thing kills one of my men again, for any reason, then I will personally see to it that this building is razed to the ground and that thing with it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly sir"

"Good. Now get out of my sight, I have work to do"

Eligos nodded and limped out of the General's office, his arm in a sling and a satisfied smile on his face.



I must say I'm rather pleased with how this turned out, although, as always, I'm worried I've repeated names, 'he' and similar words too much (though I can't see a way around it), been too phobic of full stops and put in too many long sentances, so opinions/suggestions on those in particular are more than welcome :).

~MTWC
« Last Edit: April 14, 2007, 07:57:08 AM by - Peacemaker - »
Quote from: IainC
Because spamming the hotkey for a Deathknight's weapon in WoW is precisely the same as learning to use a sword in real life. That's why when Kendo grandmasters fight, they just stand there shouting keystroke combos at each other.

Offline TheOnlySpiral

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Re: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« Reply #1 on: April 6, 2007, 06:26:24 PM »
Seems solid to me. The one thing that gets me is the stereotypical dialogue of the general.  He seems very 2 dimensional  to me.  Otherwise it looks solid.
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Offline Scope989

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Re: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2007, 07:10:35 AM »
great story man!

keep it up!

Scope  8)
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Offline -Makenshi-

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Re: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2007, 07:58:23 AM »
Ok, I've updated it with a bit more description of Shiva. I'll likely as add in some descriptions of Eligos at some point too.

~MTWC
Quote from: IainC
Because spamming the hotkey for a Deathknight's weapon in WoW is precisely the same as learning to use a sword in real life. That's why when Kendo grandmasters fight, they just stand there shouting keystroke combos at each other.

Offline Kjata

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Re: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2007, 11:40:31 PM »
Nice. It is fantastic. Have you published anything Mak?

Offline -Makenshi-

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Re: [Fantasy] Seis'Houjin: Chimera (Non-GW)
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2007, 11:57:40 PM »
Nice. It is fantastic. Have you published anything Mak?

Thanks and no, I'm only 18 (19 in 2 months) and even though there are some young authors out there, I'm not one of them, not yet at least.

I really need to start entering competitions or things though, get some real experience with writing quality fiction and getting it published, even if I get little or no gain from it beyond experience. Afterall, it is want I want to do in life (see the 'Why Do You Write?' sticky for why :P).

My problem at the moment is sticking to one story, Seis'Houjin: Midnight (who's timeline crosses with this short story) is only my current primary project, Weavers (another Fantasy) and Hybrid (Sci-Fi) are the other two big ones I have, the former more so.

~MTWC
Quote from: IainC
Because spamming the hotkey for a Deathknight's weapon in WoW is precisely the same as learning to use a sword in real life. That's why when Kendo grandmasters fight, they just stand there shouting keystroke combos at each other.

 


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