News: No news is good news...

Login  |  Register

Author Topic: Joke Thread!  (Read 75950 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline 4084595657

  • Grot
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1479
  • Country: af
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #80 on: May 25, 2007, 03:06:52 PM »
Ok i dunno if mildly amusing jingles count but hey i'l give it a shot. This was on wow spam forum:

why did the blonde steal a police car?

It had 911 written on the back and she thought it was a porsche
« Last Edit: August 20, 2007, 11:13:41 AM by watty »

Offline Major. Witham

  • Major
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2879
  • 'Sound off like you got a pair!'
40K Comedy Commantments of Space Marines
« Reply #81 on: June 13, 2007, 05:13:30 PM »
Really not sure if this is the right place for this. Found it elsewhere on the net - Its not really fiction or a peice of fluff, and is Marine related in a round about way, so mods feel free to move it elsewhere if needs be.

In any event, enjoy!

1.Thou shalt not refer to the Adeptus Soritas as "Bolter be-atches," nor shalt thou go anywhere near our sisters during the time of the "Red Rage," lest thou wishes to be the first human to enter orbit without the aid of a shuttle.
2. Orks are not "cute."
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.
8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."
10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (in a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans)
11. Thou shalt not bribe the Inquisitor to bring down Exterminatus on your ex-wife.
12. Thou shalt not refer to the Rhino transports, as pimp wagons, "nor shalt thou use the phrase," If the Rhino be rockin', don't come a knockin'
13. The Chapter Master is not a "drag."
14. Thou shall not use Power Swords to cut your food.
15. Thou shall not ask a Sister if you might "donate some of your own Gene-Seed."
16. Thou shall not throw soap at nurglings.
17. Thou shalt not put a "kick me" sign on the Golden Throne.
18. Thou shalt not refer to the Machine Spirit as "Cruise Control" nor shalt thou refer to the machine god as General Motors.
19. Thou shalt not stick a 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' sticker on the Sisters' Rhino.
20. Thou shalt not honk if thy sees a sticker saying 'Honk if you think I'm sexy' on a Sister's Rhino.
21. Thou shalt not unplug the Golden Throne just "for laughs".
22. Thou shalt not make the Emperor read your palms, or call upon him as "Miss Cleo".
23. Virus bombs are not fun in a box
24. Shooting one of your own men who looks at you funny, does not count as an "enemy casualty".
25. Thou shalt not clog the Lasscannon tubes "just to see what happens".
26. Thou shalt not spread cooking oil in front of a dreadnaught.
27. Thou shalt not attempt to shake the chaplain's hand whilst wearing a powerfist.
28. Putting sand inside the terminators' armour is not "funny".
29. Thou shalt not refer to the standard of fortitude as a "walking stick"
30. Thou shalt not refer to the bolt-pistol as a novelty cigarette lighter.
31. The earthshaker cannon is not a "hat stand" nor is the sentinel a "standard lamp".
32. Thou shalt not use Land Raiders to "play chicken" with Imperial Guard Chimeras.
33. Thou shalt not put a "Purge me!" sign on the back of the chaplain's armour.
34. Thou shalt not compliment the dark eldar by calling them "kinky"
35. Thou shalt not let an Ork be the designated driver
36. Thou shalt not replace the holy ungents for the machine spirit with grain alcohol
37. Thou shalt not invite a Banshee to Karaoke
38. Thou shalt not replace the O2 units on the commander's power armour with laughing gas
39. Thou shalt not train a hormogaunt to be a watchdog
40. Thou shalt not take "old one eye" out of context..."He's in my artificer armour he..he..duh!"
41. Thou shalt not call Dark Angels "hippy alter boys"
42. Thou shalt not taunt an eldar "gee didn't these use to shoot further?"
43. Thou shalt not refer to the golden throne as "the nicest commode in the galaxy"
44. Thou shalt not attempt to offer a Carnifex a breath mint.
45. Thou shalt not throw a warp beast a dog biscuit.
46. Thou shalt not hope for mud wrestling during a witch/ sisters battle.
47. Thou shalt not ask a warlock what he wears under his robe.
48. Thou shalt not tease an inquisitor with "look sir-heretics!"
49. Thou shalt not play wack-a-mole with those little jawa-wannabe dark angel thingies (tangent).
50. Thou shalt not wear oven mitts when issued a plasma gun.
51. Thou shalt not take the rhino to procure monkish ale before filling out His Most Holy acquisitions forms.
52. Thou shalt not ask the librarian if he has records concerning Uranus.
53. Thou shalt not refer to the flamer as a "novelty toaster"
54. Thou shalt not ask the apothecary to guess what you have eaten by looking at your tongue.
55. Thou shalt not remove the motors from a terminators' suit during battle.
56. Thou shalt not point and laugh saying 'look somebody missed the toilet when battling snotlings.
57. Thou shalt not break wind in the presence of the emperor (unless properly addressed to do so)
58. Eldar helmets may not be use as hole-punches.
59. Thou shalt not refer to the daily rituals as "psychological warfare" nor shalt thou refer to the index astartes as "the book of grudges"
60. Thou shalt not say, "will someone please tell the emperor to crap or get off the throne"
61. Thou shalt not petition His Most Holy administration to make "Inquisition" an Olympic sport.
62. Thou shalt not instigate a "my Primarch could beat up your primarch" debate.
63. Thou shalt not use heavy breathing and "I am your father" as a battlecry when wielding a powersword and entering an assault
64. Thou shalt not affect a Transylvanian accent around the Blood Angels.
65. No hair pulling when enjoying brotherly contests with the space wolves.
66. Duct-taping a flamer to your boltgun does not count as a combi-weapon, and painting it pretty won't make it "master crafted"
67. Thou shalt not punt grots for pleasure.
68. Thou shalt not shout "thongs for the thong god in front of the Dark Eldar lest thou wishes to learn the true meaning of pain.
69. Thou shalt not debate the protective merits of purple spandex with the Dark Eldar.
70. Thou shalt not write theatre criticism and charge His Most Holy treasury to mail it to the harlequin.
71. Power armour never makes a sister look fat.
72. Thou shalt not laugh manically when flaming the non-believers.
73. Thou shalt not use thunderhammers to play crocket.
74. Thou shalt not start rounds of "you might be a c'tan if" while imbibing strong monkish ale.
75. Though shalt not refer to thine brethern, whom the Emperor has dictated be armed with an incediary weapon, as a "Flamer" constantly. For this has been proven to lower morale and cause strife within his His Most Holy showering facilities.
76. Thou shalt not affect an Austrian accent around the Necrons.
77. Thou shalt not ask roughriders if you can pet their ponies.
78. Thou shalt not stray from the adeptus mechanicus's directive towards ornamentation of rhinos-specifically no aluminium sport rims, neon, extraneous exhaust pipes, or fuzzy dice.
79. Thou shall not attempt to challenge the Eldar to games of 'Counterstrike'.
80. Thou shall not, in any way, shape, or form, take the land speeder joy riding.
81. Remember, shining lasguns in the guards' eyes is WRONG.
82. Thou shall not pretend to have been possessed by a daemon.
83. Thou shall not call the sacred plasma gunners of the imperial guard 'fizzbusters'.
84. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the chapter master's equipment.
85. Thou shall not use supported warhounds to 'play ball' with imperial guard sentinels.
86. It is NOT cool to feed snotlings copious amounts of narcotics!
87. It is not "funny" to dress up as a bloodletter and jump out in front of the chapter master.
88. Replacing a brother's ammunition with blanks is not "funny"
89. Wiffle bats are not approved hand weapons.
90. Playing naughty movies in your power armour's autosenses is not sanctioned by the Adeptus Astartes.
91. Thou shalt not teleport into the Sisters showering facilities.
92. Thou shalt not taunt our revered dreadnaught brethren by tapping on their window and saying "anyone in there?"
93. Thou shalt not commandeer droppods to go for pizza.
94. Thou shalt not refer to the emperor's champion as "that brown-noser"
95. Nuking from orbit is not doctrinally feasible for removal of annoying insects-unless they be tyranids.
96. Thou shalt not tickle the fallen to press for confession and redemption.
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear me now", repetively in an attempt to drive him insane.
98. Thou shalt not refer to the Wulfen as "damn dirty apes".
99. Thou shalt not use Whirlwinds to put on fireworks displays.
100. Thou shalt not ask the Dark Angels if they "can keep a secret"
101. Thou shalt not do Scooby Doo impersonations when speaking to the Space Wolves.
102. Thou shalt not tell the Salamanders "sorry about the multimelta thing"
103. Thou shall not ask directions from the wulfen.
104. Thou shall not ask berserkers for an axe
105. thou shalt not do doughnuts in a rhino, unless thou wishest to clean the passenger's vomit from the floor, as doughnuts make passengers dizzy
106. Thou shalt not fill demolisher shells with lotus flowers.
107. thou shalt not use Scouts as 'target practice'.
108. Thou shalt not replace the Chapter Master's weapon with a plastic sword.
109. It is not funny to put an 'Eat me' sign on the Librarian's back prior to a Tyranid attack.
110. Thou shalt NOT refer to the Dreadnought as 'grandad', nor shalt thou hang an 'i told you i was sick' sign from it.
111. Thou shalt not play 'peek-a-boo' with the machine spirit
112. Thou shalt not trip a dark angel in front of a interrorgator chaplain
113. thou shalt not trip an interrorgator-chaplain
114. thou shalt not throw snowballs at Salamander Space Marines whilst yelling "THINK FAST!"
115. Thou shalt not ask Ork prisoners "why the red ones go faster"
116. thou shalt not attempt to drown out noise marines with ye old rave music
117. thou shalt never ask a dreadnought "how old are you?"
118. thou shalt not use the golden throne as a microwave
119. thou shalt not wear a dress in the presence of the dark angels
120. thou shalt not wear fake fangs in the presence of the wolves
121. thou shalt not ask a space wolf if he wants a biscut
122. thou shalt not eat another marines paste
123. just because your fighting necrons it doesnt mean your standard equipment is a skaven and a tin opener.
124. Though shalt not use lasguns as laser sights for thy bolters
125. Thou shalt not take the Rhino out on Saturdays to 'impress the girls'.
126. Tyranids are not cute.
"Sir! Looks like were surrounded!"

"Were Drop Troops soldier - Were supposed to be surrounded!"

Offline Chuckles, The Space Marine Clown

  • Can't Touch This; Captain; Swarmlord - Tyranid Sweatshop Operator; 40KO's Official WMD; "No American orphans, please"
  • Ancient
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13094
  • Country: gb
  • I kill, maim and torture because I care
Re: 40K Comedy Commantments of Space Marines
« Reply #82 on: June 13, 2007, 05:23:47 PM »
It's on the 40K Humour section. Look on the left under Main Menu,
The forum rules are fair and just. *twitch*

Offline Major. Witham

  • Major
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2879
  • 'Sound off like you got a pair!'
Re: 40K Comedy Commantments of Space Marines
« Reply #83 on: June 13, 2007, 05:32:48 PM »
I do apologise, I had no idea such a place existed. I'll know better next time. Thanks.
"Sir! Looks like were surrounded!"

"Were Drop Troops soldier - Were supposed to be surrounded!"

Offline qwertypp7

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1138
Re: 40K Comedy Commantments of Space Marines
« Reply #84 on: June 13, 2007, 05:33:20 PM »
The first ones are but the majority are the ones that we don't have...

I'm Sigging this one  ;D....
97. Thou shalt not follow a Librarian around thinking "Can you hear me now", repetively in an attempt to drive him insane.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2007, 05:34:25 PM by qwertypp7 »

Offline Perigrine

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 922
Re: 40K Comedy Commantments of Space Marines
« Reply #85 on: June 13, 2007, 05:36:26 PM »
nice find LT. some of them are pretty funny

Offline Mr.Peanut (Turtleproof)

  • Ride Like Lightning, Crash Like Thunder | Infinity Circuit | Pork Sword of Mod-Justice | Took the basket, nuts and lol | Good grief, ye hennie pennies
  • Ancient
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13225
  • Country: 00
  • Turtleposting At The Speed Of SHift
  • Armies: Eldar, Dark Eldar, Sigmarines, Chaos, Demons
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #86 on: June 13, 2007, 06:08:58 PM »
Threads merged- let the gaiety continue!
You are
What you do
When it counts
     -The Masao
"Getting what you want can be dangerous.

Offline Que Dan

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 297
  • These shops do exist...
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #87 on: June 14, 2007, 04:55:40 AM »
Ah, the good old Space Marine Commandments. I have about 600 of them...

149. Thou shalt NEVER, under any circumstances, interrupt a Navigator's concentration during warp travel to ask him if you "are there yet."
150. Thou shalt not challenge Karandras the Shadow hunter to an arm-wrestling match
151. Thou shalt not refer to Eldar Swooping Hawk grenades as "bird droppings," nor shalt thou taunt them by using a mortar to pet them with birdseed.
152. Thou shalt not use the Emperor's Champion Iron Halo to play horseshoes in thy free time.
153. Thou shalt not use the Chapter Standard to dry thy undergarments upon
154. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin approach to Tyranids; if they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it with a stick.
155. Thou shalt not consider it "funny" to replace the smoke canisters in your Chapter's Land Raider's Smoke Launchers with narcotic substances
156. He who takes advantage of the Emperor's paralysis by painting his fingernails will be summarily executed
157. Shoulder Pads are not to be removed for use as ice-cream scoops.
158. Thou shalt not replace our Honored Brother Terminator Captain's Storm Bolter with a Vulcan Mega Bolter, nor shalt thou feign surprise at his inability to lift it.
159. Thou shalt not distract our Librarian whilst he attempts to cast Smite; else thou shalt be forced to clean the inside of his helmet.
160. Thou shalt not replace a Thunderhawk's firebase supplies with bouncy castles.
161. Thou shalt not burn our Captain's robe on a cold night.
162. Thou shalt not replace the Apothecary's Reductor with a syringe.
163. Undoing the straps between a Brother and his jump-pack is not funny.
164. Thou shalt not utilize the Techmarine's Signum for engaging in long and sexy chitchat with Battle Sisters.
165. Thou shalt not replace the Grimoire of True Names with "Daemon Hunting for Dummies"
166. Thou shalt not put thine Emperor gifted gene seed into the beverage of your fellow Battle Brothers.
167. Thou shalt not duct tape over the emergency venting on the most holy Plasma Pistol of the Chapter Master.
168. Thou shalt not make "Your Mum" jokes in the presence of the Adeptus Soritas.
169. Though shalt not unscrew the bolts on thine Brothers' greaves in order to "pants" him.
170. Thou shalt not use thine holy Meltagun as an arc welder.
171. Thou shall not play pin the tail on the Dreadnought.
172. Thou shalt never say, "You can’t handle the Truth!" to a Dark Angel.
173. Thou shall not use bug spray on Tyranids (it won't work only distracts)
174. Thou shall not name a Salamander Dreadnought "the Hulk"
176. Never mix up Khorne marines with Blood Angels.
177. Do not play golf with Mortarion (he uses Nurglings to move the ball)
178. Never play American football with a Bloodthirster.
179. Thou shalt never throw a stick at Space Wolves and command them to fetch.
180. Thou shalt not challenge Guardsmen to arm wrestling whilst thou are wearing a Power Fist
181. Thou shalt not rent advertising space on thin banners.
182. Thou shalt not hurt Cypher.
183. Thou shalt not question Commandment 182.
184. Thou shalt not be turned on by anything related to Slaanesh.
185. Thou shalt not refer to Daemonettes as 'booby daemons'
186. Thou shalt not glue thy Land Raider assault doors shut.
187. Thou shalt not mock exalted members of thy Chapter for 'not having the enemy’s permission to fight'
188. If thou are worth 300 points thou must kill 300 points before being allowed to die.
189. Thou shalt use unleaded gas only for thy Land Raider.
190. Thou shalt not use Servo Skulls as baseballs.
191. Thou shalt not laugh at thy Brethren whom are from 1st or 2nd edition.
192. Thou shalt not compare Commissars to Nazis.
193. By order of the Inquisition: There is no such thing as the Inquisition, questioning this will have thou deemed heretic by the Inquisition.
194. Thou shalt not complain to thy Force Commanders in coming months when thou cannot attack the enemy immediately following exiting Rhinos
195. If thou are members of the Black Templar then thou must not whine that the Emperor's Champion has the your only Iron Halo.
196. Thou shalt not install hydraulics on thy Rhino.
197. Thou shall not question the decoration of the Chapter fortress: if skulls with wings are good enough for Him on Terra they are good enough for you.
198. Thou shall not strap lawn furniture to jump packs in an attempt to recreate first ed. Land Speeders.
199. Thou shall not complain about no longer having Jet Bikes.
200. Thou shall not confuse Guardsmen by shouting "OMG! Zerg Rush!"
201. Thou shall not point out there is no 175 commandment.
202. Thou shall not give members of thy Biker squad Thunder Hammers and Grots so they may play polo.
203. Thou shalt never use Lasguns as flashlights during a night fight.
204. Thou shalt not take the emperor's teeth in vain.
205. Thou shalt not comment on the odd shape of the Inquisitor's head.
206. Thou shalt not do "wheelies" or "donuts" on you bike.
207. Thou shalt not have a "kegger" on the eve of battle, thus making yourselves less effective in the morning.
208. Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."
209. Thou shalt not check to see if your Bolt Pistol is loaded by looking down the barrel!
210. Thou shalt not go on panty raids into Sister Of Battle Monasteries.
211. Thou shalt not use thy scope for anything outside of battle. Anyone caught using them to spy out life mates shalt lose privileges.
212. Thou shalt not sell thy extra organs on the Black Market.
213. Though it is entertaining, thou shalt not wave a fly swatter near the Tyranid fleets.
214. Thou shalt not use thine Chainsword as a backscratcher.
215. Thou shalt not use thine Bolt Pistol as a q-tip.
216. Thou shalt not attempt to imitate heathen noise marines with "heavy metal" or "death metal" through thine com-speakers.
217. Although tempting, do not attempt to give a Tau a “high-five”.
218. Thou shalt not laugh at how small Imperial Guardsmen are.
219. Thou shalt not bend to the will of nerds playing war games, and act upon your own free will.
220. Thou shalt not transmit images of unclothed Sisters to the Astropaths.
221. Thou shalt not advertise on thine armor.
222. Thou shalt not wave fake skulls at the Berserkers.
223. Thou shalt not wave a red flag near a Chaos Dreadnought.
224. Thou shalt guard thy Bolter when camping with Imperial Guard.
225. Thou shalt not sniff Warp fumes.
226. Thou shalt not use bug bomb against the ‘Nids
227. Thou shalt not play Internet games with Tzeentch.
228. Thou shalt not e-mail the Emperor.
229. Thou shalt not e-mail the Emperor spam.
230. Thou should beware of thy Lictor behind cardboard bushes.
231. Terminators and glue do not mix.
232. Thou shalt not spray paint thy armor to make it look cool.
234. Thou shalt not have water gun fights with Lasguns. (The guard needs them)
235. Thou shalt not juggle Power Weapons.
236. Thou shalt not hide video links in the Sisters of Battle's Monastery.
237. Grenades are not water balloons.
238. Thou shalt not use insect repellent against Tyranids.
239. Thou shalt not use water guns against Necron.
240. Thou shalt not piss on the Iron Halo.
241. Daemons are not your friends.
242. Barney the Dinosaur is not your friend.
243. Barney is a heretic.
244. Barney merchandise is simply prohibited.
245. Barney is not a Tyranid
246. Digimons are not in the 40K universe.
247. Digimons are not affiliated with the Necron.
248. Pokemons are not Digimons!
249. Pokemons are not fun to play with.
250. Thou shalt not steal candy from babies, Orks, Gretchins or Commissars.
Orks. We were the Armageddon wars.

So how does 540+20D6 attacks grab you?

(The owner of this sig is not responsible for the content and/or spelling of this post)

Offline phisicsbof

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 520
  • Country: 00
  • Blood Runs Anger Rises Death wakes War Calls!
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #88 on: June 22, 2007, 11:08:40 AM »
just one more

251:Thou shalt never happy slap with a power fist.

"the stars themselves once lived and died at our cammand, and yet you still dare oppose our will"
My craftworlds story(Update 2)
Create your own Craft world

Offline franconbean

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 73
  • Satan steps into heaven. jesus goes"omg! Wallhax!"
why the tau never do assault
« Reply #89 on: July 3, 2007, 02:39:00 PM »
im new here - i only began posting today! so i thought i would write a bit of humor - my friends think this is funny! but its not too good. please give feedback!

tau leader: the bezerkers are charging! fix bayonets!

tau 1: what now?

tau leader: just hit the with your pulse rifles!

tau 2: what if i break it?... *chainaxe revvs* ... OH MY GOD!!!!! *chainsword rips through tau*

tau 1: any other ideas???

tau 3: this thing's too cumbersome to use as a club!

tau 1: oh really?

tau 3: yes, really!

tau 1: sarcasm, idiot!

tau 3: oh... *skull crushed by aspiring champion*

*frag granade flies through window, lands close to tau*

tau 1: hey guys! look at this!

tau 2: it looks like some kind of fruit from a kroot planet i visited a while ago...

tau 1: did you eat some?

tau 2: yes. it was rather nice. shall we try some?

tau1: ok...

tau 2: i remember what it was called! a pine-ap...  *grenade explodes*

kroot: i'm glad the shapers gave us rifles with blades on the stock as well as the front. *lines up shot at bird*

*kroot fires his rifle, the recoil sends the blade right through his shoulder*

kroot: damn! and that was my good arm! im filing a complaint

tau 1: why dont we have knives in our standard equipment?

tau 2: makes you wonder - is close combat part of the greater good?

When plasmacannons scatter the wrong way...

Offline Flonky

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 534
  • Don't be a snowflake.
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #90 on: July 31, 2007, 01:58:05 PM »
It's the end of the school term and a teacher is getting presents from her (rather young and stupid) pupils...

Flower Shop Boy: "Here you go miss."

Teacher takes present and shakes.

Teacher: "Is it flowers?"

Flower Shop Boy: "How did you guess?"

Teacher: "Lucky I suppose."

Blacksmith Boy: "Here you go miss."

Teacher takes present and shakes.

Teacher: "Is it nails?"

Blacksmith Boy: "How did you know?"

Teacher: "Lucky I suppose."

Liquor Shop Boy: "Here you go miss."

Teacher takes present and shakes.

Present drips dark red liquid.

Teacher tastes the dripping.

Teacher: "Is it liquor?"

Liquor Shop Boy: "No."

Teacher: "Wine?"

Liquor Shop Boy (gleefully): "No!"

Teacher: "What is it then?"

Liquor Shop Boy (even more gleefully): "NO! It's a PUPPY!"

Offline ZOSO

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #91 on: July 31, 2007, 11:28:43 PM »
Helen Keller Jokes:

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Cause she was a woman.'

Q: How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
A: By breaking her fingers.

Q: How do you punish Helen Keller?
A: 1- Reareange the Furniture 2- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it. 3- tell her to find the corners in a round room

Q: Why doesn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
A: Cause she was wearing mittens.

Wow, I thought I would have more of them when I found this site dedicated to her, but they all just suck!

Q:Why does Hellen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
A:One to do it and one to moan.

Offline Ravingburger

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 6
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #92 on: August 11, 2007, 04:11:57 PM »
How did Hellen Keller's parent's punish here?
By re-arranging the furniture

How did they really punish her?
By putting a plunger in the toilet

How did she break her arm while driving?
By trying to read a stop sign.

Offline Sir Sam Vimes

  • Wych
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1128
  • Pontificator Extremis of Goovil
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #93 on: August 16, 2007, 07:31:52 AM »
Did you know that the C'tans are g4y?

Yes, because they're called the 'Giver and the Receiver

Offline Krootdude

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 74
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #94 on: August 19, 2007, 07:26:22 PM »
some chuck norris facts

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
w/d/l of games where all rules were respected
dark angels- 5000  3/1/1
tau- 3000 3/0/0
lord of the rings strategy battle game-5000 ?/?/?
warhammer fantasy orcs and goblins-1000 0/0/0

Offline Sir Sam Vimes

  • Wych
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1128
  • Pontificator Extremis of Goovil
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #95 on: August 20, 2007, 05:10:51 AM »
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Hah, that last one is just so hilarious!  :D

Offline Purgatory

  • Neophyte
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1536
  • Auxilium et Concilium
    • The Ailarian
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #96 on: August 22, 2007, 05:45:08 PM »
Those Chuck Norris facts are great :)

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am..."

Offline Sir Sam Vimes

  • Wych
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1128
  • Pontificator Extremis of Goovil
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #97 on: August 23, 2007, 02:47:27 AM »
Q: Favourite Eldar rock band?

A: Arctic Mon-keighs

Offline Purgatory

  • Neophyte
  • Senior Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1536
  • Auxilium et Concilium
    • The Ailarian
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #98 on: August 25, 2007, 05:44:35 PM »
Q: Favourite Eldar rock band?

A: Arctic Mon-keighs

So bad I can taste it. Sorry man, but I know you can do better than that :P

And adding to the thread:

One atom to another: "Hey, I think I just lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive..."

That is an awesome joke.


Offline Treg_pjwninaro

  • Junior Member
  • **
  • Posts: 242
Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #99 on: September 5, 2007, 10:18:55 PM »
On that note

If I could be an enzyme, I would be DNA Helicase, so I could unzip your jeans

Or DNA Polymerase II, so I could fill in your gaps

Oh yeah

Beil-Tan 6000pts
Space Marines 1500pts (selling)

"Two questions for you: who invented the Caps Lock key and where do they live, and why did they decide to put it next to the Shift key?"
Uriel Ventris is GW's answer to Super-man, Jesus and the Fonz, all rolled into one Space Marine.


Powered by EzPortal