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Offline gravit

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critique would be welcomed!
« on: September 1, 2005, 01:50:49 PM »

Introduction

A lone figure can be seen crawling his way along a sand dune. A grenade launcher is strapped to his back. At this distance you cannot make out what  his uniform is but  its almost certainly a dreg.
He pauses for a moment to unclip something from his belt  and places it in the sand. Then for no reason at all slides back the way he came down the dune.
   YOU are a rebel soldier in the terra four freedom army. Your fighting for justice and the right to rule over your own planet. You advance cautiously towards the sand dune weapon cocked and ready for any action that may be necessary, as you crest the hill you see a  bottle in the sand with a note in. you open the not and it simple reads “GOT YOU” the click of multiple rifles is heard and as you look down you see ten desert raiders aiming directly at your chest. You are a soldier in the rebel army, you fought for freedom and the right to rule your own planet. Now you are going to die.
   The sergeant runs up to you and crouches beside your stubbornly still alive body .
“hmmm looks like a sentry to me lads. You silly boy why didn’t you call for back up you know we don’t fight fair!” with that he puts his pistol to your head and you close your eyes grateful the pain is going to go away and with it the humiliation of dieing so easily. Your last thought is of your cause and your beliefs and the knowledge that you will be avenged.  Then blackness. You were a soldier. Now you’re a number in the record books.
            
            _________________
               
Guns blazed overhead. Gravit sneaked a peak above the parapet only to be encouraged back down again by a shower of bullets. He crouched by the wall of his trench next to his companion and squad vox operator Rund. He primed a grenade and lobbed it over the side.
“why you do that Grav?” enquired his friend as he fiddled with the buttons on the vox.
“simple mate. Good luck and tradition. Ha ha ha you forget. This is all I know ,you knew a life before all this I’m exactly like sly marbo in that respect, this is all I know and all I do. I live the army and I live this war. Of course sly IS better in his chosen field whereas I recon I could beet him out in desert or brush. But point is all we do is fight and kill.” saying this he took his grenade launcher stood back up on the firing step and wasted an entire round of ammo into the enemy trenches before ducking back down. Again just in time to miss the bullets coming back for him. “come on lets get a drink!” with that the two companions in skulked off to the dugouts.
   “I just don’t get those two Karls” muttered Aboner a Cadian sergeant of 15 years service
“ both seem to be able to turn off and on the killer instincts only one has to have his turned off for him. Without one the other wouldn’t work. I just don’t get them AND they are both still as sane as anyone can be in this emperor forsaken place.”
“its just one of them things Abs I don’t tend to pry into those two let them be is the squads philosophy for them. Mainly because they don’t like people prying and because they work well together. Notice how we have two vox casters? Well that’s because now we can send out those two and still have them report back to us hunky-dory” he opened his canteen and offered it to his companion.
   
   Suddenly the sky  light up with brilliance and the two grizzled sergeants hit the dirt as a massive explosion fired off to close for comfort. Karlson checked over his friend. Who’s black uniform was now brown with the dust from head to toe. Then he left the unconscious form of his fellow sergeant  and dusted down his own desert robes then went to check on the damage of the impact. this is now ordinary field shell that’s an earths hacker at close range! What the hell is that about!
Karlson broke into a run down the trench line to the dugouts. “005 SQUAD GO GET YOUR SERGEANT! MY SQUAD REPORT TO THE FIRIENG STEPS NOW PREPARE FOR AN ATTACK ON OUR LINES. 005 SQUAD GO TO THE TEMPLE AND STOP ANY OUTFLANKING MANOUVERS AND REPORT TO THE LEUTENNAT AND INFORM HIM OF WHATS HAPPENED.” men jumped to obey  karlson’s command as Cadians moved out to the temple and the desert raiders presented them selves in the trench. All ready with bayonets fixed.
“rite don’t stand on the firing step let them get into the trench then they cant fall back. Remember if we can take a few prisoners but don’t try to hard for that just push them back. Ok lads show them what imperials can do.”  just as he finished barking his orders the rebels came over the parapet into the trench.



   The first of them were met with a grizzly end as  a volley of las-fire finished there role in the war. The second wave were prepared for a fight however and  opened fire as soon as they reached the sand bags forcing the guardsmen to take cover. Hand to hand erupted in the trench as the guardsmen outnumbered three to one defended themselves bitterly with bayonets and curved knives of there homeland.

   Gravit beat a rebel across his head with the butt of his grenade launcher and ran to help his sergeant who was fighting two of the scum “how did they do it? How did they get that explosion? I WANT ONE!” he thought as he jabbed his knife into to one of the attackers. Then out of nowhere Gravit felt a numbing pain to his head and he fell to the ground.  Rund beside him fired a round of three into the rebel then drove the bayonet home into the next one. As he was pulling it out his vision went blank and he fell  to his knees then keeled over.

   Aboner by bow revived  was waiting in the ruins of the temple complex when he saw movement ahead. “right squad let them get to us I want five of you on the other side of the corridor now! We’ll get them in a crossfire  no prisoners ok!” the Cadians silently moved into position, a few seconds later the rebels sent to outflank the trench came into view and cautiously made there way down the corridor “NOW!” shouted Aboner as he opened fire. Within seconds ten rebels lay on the paved walkway lifeless and numb. “that’s the price of freedom boys and don’t you forget it”

   “report privet.” muttered karlson sitting hunched over on the fire step. As he took a swig from his canteen and then spat out a tooth into the dust.
“Sir. One  dead sir and two wounded sir! No prizes as to guessing which two wounded though they should be coming two in a few moments no doubt you’ll want to see them. Oh and the dead one was claxon. No one really liked him anyway sir so don’t worry about it we’re just down to a  nine man squad now” the privet while reporting all this never took his eyes off his clipboard as though it was his shield against the horror around him “sir permission to report to lieutenant Baxter
“granted privet, oh and ask Aboner to see me as soon as he gets back please”
The privet left stepping round the bodies in the trench the prisoners had been taken to the second line to be interrogated all two of them. “The squad didn’t like what they did to the two boy’s” thought karlson to himself. “still one dead isn’t bad he was hardly liked as the privet say’s bloody snitch.” with that thought in mind he went to his dug out to rite the thankfully under practiced art of the letter home.

Offline RAVEN KRW

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Re: critique would be welcomed!
« Reply #1 on: September 1, 2005, 04:20:57 PM »
It was pretty much ok I enjoyed the read.

 


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