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Offline *Nosferatu*

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(Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« on: June 9, 2007, 02:57:00 PM »

Alrighty then, the sequel to my previous book/story/piece of amphetamine parrot. I hope you enjoy it. I didn't really think much of it, but I have an inferiority complex, so...yeah.

Anyways, read on!

Chapter 1: Remembrance
   “So Leo, what are you going to do now?”

   “I don’t know, probably get something to eat.” He replied, not facing the direction of the voice.

   “No, I mean after High School. We graduate in less than a week!” the voice spoke once again.

   “Probably just go to college, I don’t really know what else I could really do.” He finally turned to look at the person speaking.

   He put an arm around his girlfriend, holding her close to him. Long given up on the ‘keeping warm’ excuse she placed her cheek on his shoulder enjoying his grasp. Her fiery red hair covered up some of her face, but Leo didn’t care. She was beautiful anyways, he thought.

   “Well, I’m scared of leaving. I’ll be going off to…”

   “The prestigious Yaronian Academy in blah, blah, blah.” He interrupted. “You’ve only been bragging for the past three months.”   

   “Have I become predictable?” she laughed.

   “Oh Hell yes,” Leo replied. “Don’t worry about it, we’re only seventeen. We have a bright future ahead of us!”
   “We’re not all guaranteed to a full life you know.” She replied cryptically.

   “Well, I’m going to be optimistic about things, okay?” he laughed. “You can be all depressed and cynical for all I care, I’m off for a good long life!”

   “That’s granted you don’t get shoved into the Guard.” She giggled.

   “Yeah, beslubber that noise.” He replied. “I am not going to get killed on some planet I never even knew existed, Hell, I can barely name the nine; I mean eight, planets in our sector!”

   “I love it, the Valedictorian, and the class idiot. I swear we’re like a rip-off from a sitcom.” His girlfriend joked.

   “You know you do.” He replied, grinning madly.

   “I had that dream again.” Leo sighed.

   He laid on his back as he reflected on the past several years of his life. Painful memories from his past haunted him. There was no closure; that was the problem he guessed. A few years ago, he left; that was it. He never knew what happened to all the others, all of his friends. Worst of all, he never what happened to his girlfriend.

   “I see.” The psychiatrist muttered monotonously.

   “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Leo cried. “I had this extreme notion that we had something. I wanted to get married and…and…I don’t know anymore.”

   “Regrets Mr. Scotch, you yearn for a life back home.” He spoke calmly. “You look back and can’t accept that you’re here. Fighting for the Emperor you could probably understand, but the simple notion that you might never come home irks you.”

   “I kind of figured that out on my own.” He scoffed.

   “You also realize that there is a somewhat decent chance you will come home, but…”

   “But that will only be to pick up more meat for the grinder.” He interrupted.

   “Just accept things as they are now Mr. Scotch, there is not much you, nor I could so.”

   “You are one amphetamine parrotty psychiatrist you know that?” Leo sighed.

   “Well, what do you expect? The last one was executed for preaching ‘heretical ideals!’” he replied. “Anyways, you may go.”

   Leo groaned as he walked out of the room. It was a bright and sunny day on the planet of Koronka III. The regiment was temporarily stationed there to rest and recuperate. After several military campaigns First Lieutenant Leopold Scotch was a fully seasoned veteran. He had risen from the rank of a lowly Trooper to the Fifth Company XO.

   Deciding it was best to fill his mind with some distractions he took a deep breath to calm himself. The scent of seawater was exhilarating and exciting. He had never been a beach of any kind before, hailing from an ice world.

   “And then out of nowhere, this giant axe comes down; right in front of my face!”

   Leo turned his attention to the voice. It was Ronald, who was surrounded by a flock of girls as he told his often exaggerated war stories. They giggled and screamed as they heard of his ‘Tales of Heroism.”

   “Another one of these green ugly creatures tried to take a swing at me.” The girls giggled around him. “But I didn’t let that happen.”

   “Whatever did you do?” one of the girls asked.

   “Well, I picked up my bayonet and stabbed the monster right in the chest; but it still lived!”

   Some of the girls gasped, wanting to know more about the story.

   “I didn’t know what to do, but then I remembered a good old trick Sergei did back on Medusa V. I pulled out my grenade, and thrust it right into the bloody thing’s ribcage. I had to bathe for weeks to get the stench of blood off of me.” He laughed, causing his little ‘harem’ to join in.

   “Oh brother,” he heard one of the Koronkan natives scoff. They did not believe a single word out of Ronald’s mouth. Mainly upset over how he was ‘stealing’ their women.

   Leo couldn’t help but sigh as he walked by the group of men. Another reason for stopping on the planet was the fact that they were picking up more men. Unfortunately most of these men have never heard of the horrors that they were going to face. It was the recruitment of their first three regiments.

   They were extremely green, with little to no knowledge of the enemies of the Imperium. They simply could not believe any of the stories that the men had told them. Unfortunately for them, most of the stories were true, and these men were in for one Hell of a baptism.

   Sighing a bit, he took a seat down in front of the bar. It had been so long since he had seen home. Memories of his loved one came flooding back. He gritted his teeth as he thought of his parents. It was their fault he’s here! He should be back home, studying, worrying about getting to class on time. Not about whether or not he’ll die.

   He took a deep breath.

   “Drink please.” He said.

Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #1 on: June 9, 2007, 02:58:17 PM »
Chapter 2: Same amphetamine parrot, Different Day

   “I love it; chuck the Koronkan “Beach Boys” at the enemy first.” Captain Hans laughed as he went over the strategy with the Major.

   Captain Hans was with the officers of Third Battalion. They weren’t really discussing strategy as much as they’re laughing at the misfortune of the Koronkan divisions. Their ship was in orbit around the planet of Tarsorus. 

   “Poor sons of be-atches won’t know what those damn cultists will do to them.” He continued, almost soaking in their assumed misery.

   “Vinters, chance of plans.” Colonel Lavotski announced his presence. “I want the 501st to come in and support the Koronkans. The Jumael 14th will also assist we can’t let those damn newbies die on us.”

   “Yes sir!” Major Vinters replied, issuing last minute orders.

   “beslubber!” Hans cursed as he dropped his drink. “I’m taking the Grenadiers then; Lord knows we’ll need them.”

   He pulled out his communicator and patched his executive officer.

    “Yes sir?” Leo replied, his face displaying over the screen.

   “Change of plans, get the company ready to make planet fall. You’re in charge until further notice. I’m taking the Grenadiers, meet you down there Lieutenant. Oh, and get a lot of those damn Beach Boys slaughtered for me; they piss me off.”

   “Yes sir.” Leo saluted, before cutting off communications.

   Hans quickly made it out of the war room and towards the Orrax quarters. The men were all ready to go, it seemed that Lavotski had known that they were going to be needed graciously allowed to prep prior to the rest of the regiment.

   “Hans, we’re all ready to go.” A sergeant addressed.

   “Good, give me fifteen minutes, it’s been a while since I’ve worn the carapace.” he replied. 

   “Hope you didn’t get too cozy down on Koronka.” Sergeant Engel laughed.

   “Well, we’re about to find out.” Hans joined in, putting on his armor.

   It still fit him, even after baby sitting a bunch of ‘Regulars’ for a while. He dawned the gloves and put on the knee pads. His helmet fit snugly over his head as he pulled the visor down. The Hellgun he holstered light as ever.

   “Alright let’s do this.”


   “This is a piece of cake.” One of the Koronkan troopers cockily announced.

   Sergeant Kohl wiped the sweat from his eyes. He could see no dangers, no vile green beasts. No terrifying mandibles of death; just an open field. The men laughed at the idiocy of the other regiments. He couldn’t believe they sent help! These were the Koronkans they were talking about!

   “What was that?” a Trooper Bidwell jumped.

   “It was probably a shrew, forget about it!” Trooper Joel snarled.

   Everyone was sick of Bidwell as his paranoia. He truly believed in what those damn Snow be-atches were talking about, deciding to ‘play it safe.’ It was getting on his nerves; and everyone else’s.


   Hell’s gates opened, letting loose a flood of cultists into the area. The many forces of chaos charged through from their concealed ambush positions.

   “Open fire!” Kohl panicked.

   The men opened fire on the nearest cultist they could find, cutting many down. Entire companies of the Koronkan 1st let loose a hail of las fire onto the screaming cultists. There were so many of them one could empty entire packs and still not notice the damage.

   Closer and closer they got, the distance began to close. A stray round hit Trooper Maxwell between his eyes; his body spasmed as he withered on the ground and died. The enemy was cutting it close; there were more cultists then the sand back on Koronka!

   “CHARGE!” screamed Leo as he and his men charged into the impending wave from out of nowhere.

   Lasgun fire tore straight through the impeding line of bodies. Maintained fire discipline quickly and effectively began to cut down and wither the numbers of men. Flamers let loose a wail of promethium, frying anything it could find. Chimera drivers viciously drove into the wave, crushing all those stupid enough to stand in its way.

   “Mortar teams, strike on position three dash six six nine four dash seven.” Leo ordered.

   The men of the Koronkan were amazed as the Etheran ripped a hole right into the enemy’s defenses. A following mortar strike forced many of the cultists to retreat, slaughtered as they attempted to run.

   Kohl and his men cheered at the sight in front of them, but quickly stopped as they watched the Etheran give chase to the routed enemy.

   “FORWARD!” he cried, trying to get his men to catch up with the Etherans.

   “Regroup men, regroup!” Leo ordered the men.

   The cracked veterans of the 501st did as ordered. They stopped the chase and quickly dug in, finding as much cover as they could. Setting up heavy weapons and getting into formation, they awaited the counter attack.

   Unfortunately the men of the Koronkan 1st were too fresh and overzealous. They continued to give chase, ignoring the Etheran and orders from their wiser superiors.

   “Shouldn’t we stop?” Bidwell stammered. “I mean, those guys know what they’re doing.”

   “Screw those cowards; they don’t know how to put up a good fight!” Cantus laughed, firing blindly into the back of the cultists.

   “HELP ME, HELP ME!” a desperate cry rang out.

   The dismembered body of Trooper Stefan landed in front of the squad. The regrouped cultists were reinforced with their power armored marine brothers. Bolter fire shredded the Koronkan line, killing one out every three troopers. Needless to say, they ran.

   “KEEP FIRING!” Kohl screamed as he and some men tried to fire at the marines.

   To their dismay their weapons had no effect. A marine bypassed all las fire and tore Kelvin’s head right off. Even the craziest men began to run. Many were cut down attempting to turn and run. Some were too slow, and were dragged down by the relentless Chaos Marines.

   “Those idiots,” Leo shook his head as he watched the rout through his binoculars.

« Last Edit: June 10, 2007, 01:46:14 AM by *Nosferatu* »

Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #2 on: June 9, 2007, 02:59:40 PM »
Chapter 3: A Lesson Hopefully Learned

   “We can’t use the same strategy we’ve been doing. Those beslubbering Beach Boys are in the way.” Sergeant Ronald announced.

   “Don’t worry; everything is going according to plan.” Leo replied. “Mortar teams, smoke the area. Koral, inform the entire Company to fix bayonets. We’re going to charge straight through those bastards.”

   “Aye, aye Capitan,” Lieutenant Scallywag saluted as he headed off.

   Lieutenant Gregory Koral issued to order as he headed down the line. Everyone carried out the order, attaching bayonets and rigging whatever other close combat weapon they could find.
   “You’ll need these.” Sergei, recently promoted sergeant, handed out melta bombs to his squad. “Saved my ass since Medusa V, never get into a fight without them.

   “Two hundred meters…!” Webber screamed; the retreating Koronkan were getting close.

   The entire company breathed synchronized, they have done this many times before. In a few second, there were going to getting into another brawl. It was the same amphetamine parrot, different day.

   “COME ON YOU DOGS, DO YOU WANT LIVE FOREVER?” Leo roared as he sallied forth.

   His trusty chainsword in one hand and his las pistol in the other; Leo was ready. In a uniform roar the company charged. The collective screams of the men rang through the battlefield, the wave of men presenting a row of hedged blades, ready to cut down those in front of them.

   “What the…?” Kohl breathed out as he witnessed the charge.

   His men were all befuddled as they watched the Etheran charged forth. Their bayonets raised and ready to cut them down, ALONG with the enemy.

   “YOU MEN BETTER TURN AROUND!” Leo screamed, his men nearing the enemy.

   The Koronkans were stuck between the death machines of the Chaos legions, and the death machines that were their own men. Having no choice they turned and charged back into the Chaos line. Many of the men were cut down; a marine picked up two troopers and smashed their heads against each other. The bloodied of the same marine picked up the company CO by the neck and slammed him into the ground. Kohl didn’t know a body could bend in suck a way.

   Hundred of Etheran men slammed into the line, doing a much better job at taking down the marines. Having stocked up on melta bombs they made short work of many of the marines. Leo slashed his chainsword clean through another marine, taking them down. The marines have under estimated the Guard’s potential, are going to pay dearly for their arrogances.

   “FORWARD!” Captain Darren screamed as his detachment of the Jumael 14th broke through their cover and slammed into the chaos line.

   The men of both the Etheran 501st and the Jumael 14th kept up the pressure, running down the lines of cultists and marines. Darren easily sliced through the marine’s armor with his power sword, cutting down one after the other.

   Kohl could not believe the ruthlessness of the battle. It had changed so quickly, he couldn’t keep track of what was going on. And he was tired, having exhausted himself chasing after the cultist; which he didn’t know at the time, were nothing compared to their bigger brothers. Maybe he should have stopped when the Etherans did.

   “KEEP UP THE PRESSURE!” Leo cried out as the enemy was beginning to rout.

   His prized weapon sliced through the enemy as well as any power weapon. They gave chase, slaughtering many as they pursued. The forces of chaos were herded across towards were the Guard wanted them to be.

   Hellgun fire obliterated the enemy. They were completely caught off guard as ‘Han’s Hellraisers’ charged the front of the retreating column. The line was beginning to wither as the Grenadiers employed Sergei’s favorite tactics. Unfortunately for the marines, melta bombs were standard issue.

   Hans took pleasure as he strangled a cultist with the cable of his hellgun. Twisting around, he then put hundred of shots into an unfortunate marine. Power armor could only do so much. A marine tried to slash at him, only to be stopped by his carapace armor. Angry, Hans shot its arm off, before picking up the knife and stabbing it right into the marine’s face.

   He reoriented himself and ripped through another group of men. The marines and cultists were completely surrounded, beset on all sides by the forces of the Imperial Guard. They easily took advantage of this, throwing grenades and firing mortars into the middle. Carefully placed airstrikes wasted down hundred of cultist and marines as they strafed back and forth.

   It was a bloodbath.


   “I hope you learned something today.” Hans snarled as he picked up Sergeant Kohl.

   “Put him down Hans, he’s not worth it.” Vinters ordered.

   “Yes Major.” He reluctantly did so.

   Kohl coughed as he hit the ground. All around him were the fallen bodies of his comrades. It was a shame, hundred of Koronkan troopers laid across the field, all massacred from the recent battle. The things he had faced today would haunt him for the rest of his expendable life.

   “Actually it’s Lt. Colonel now.” Vinters happily announced. “And this is for you.”

   “Major, sir…?” Han’s inquired, eying the badge.

   “I couldn’t take all the credit, using those damn Beach Boys as a meat shield worked soundly.” The Lt. Colonel laughed. “There’s hardly any dead from ours, or the Jumael regiments.

   “I guess I’ll need someone to take charge of my company then?” he asked.

   “Lieutenant Scotch should handle everything just fine.”

   “Yes sir.” Hans saluted as he headed off.

   Walking up to Kohl he extended his hand and offered to help him up. Only to get a scowl in response; instead of just taking it however, Hans forcibly pick the man up.

   “I hope you enjoyed your baptism of fire.” He replied coldly. “Now, help me take care of the wounded, or I can make you one of them.”

   He dropped Kohl down onto the ground and headed off to find his men.

Offline Lord Commissar Spiteful

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2007, 06:00:33 AM »
Yeah, beslubber that noise.” He replied. “I am not going to get killed on some planet I never even knew existed, Hell, I can barely name the nine; I mean eight, planets in our sector!”

You tease, you!
[FYI there's at least 70 habitable ones in an imperial sector. each is a 100*100*100 light year cube ;)]

I loved the story. It was bloody fantastic. The combination of humour, good dialogue and great battle sequences were fantastic!

Dude, you are absolutely awesome!

Keep it up
Ordo Sepulturum
Hunt for the Terminus Est

Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2007, 12:28:40 PM »
Alright, after sitting on my ass for a bit, I've managed to finish another two chapters. It's more filler and down-time, but whatever.

Chapter 4: Stories

   “So, what was your home like?” Bidwell asked.

   “I don’t want to talk about it.” Webber replied.

   He added some fuel to the fire as Damien stirred a pot of their dinner. Webber looked at the young lad, Bidwell he was called. He was kind of short, a meager five eight, at least by his standards. The Etheran are normally tall, which is evolutionarily ironic as people from colder environments are usually short and stocky. Bidwell shuffled nervously, always checking for danger; maybe he was a little paranoid.

   “How old are you kid?” Webber asked. 

   “Fifteen,” he replied.

   “amphetamine parrot, how the beslubber did you get into the Guard?” Webber gaped.

   “Fifteen is the legal age on Koronka, I was drafted.”

   Webber shook his head, dismayed at the loss of innocence in such a young kid. It was sad to see such a young person go through such a thing.

   “I didn’t want to.” Bidwell cried. “I wanted to do so many things. Now I realize just being alive is good enough.”

   The squad looked in dismay as they watched him. Bidwell was one of the few survivors in his company. A thousand men were killed or wounded between all three of his regiments. His company was completely decimated. They were kindly given a choice of where to be transferred, and he wisely chose their company. Unfortunately many were too proud.

   “It was cold.” Webber said.

   He handed a bowl of soup over to Bidwell, who only took small sips in between tears. Webber himself simply stared at his food, trying to bring back painful memories.

   “Cold is an understatement.” Damien laughed. “I remember when I nearly froze to death. Now, we didn’t have the nice warm beaches you guys did, but we did have hot springs.”

   “How’d you almost freeze?” Bidwell asked.

   “I was skating with my brother when I was fifteen. He was on leave from the PDF and cocky old me wanted to impress him.” He replied. “Two minutes later, I was deep under water. Scientifically, I should have been dead by the time my brother made it to the breach.

   “He dove right into the water and pulled me out. I woke up in the hospital several months later. My brother barely ever left my side.”

   “So, were you drafted?” Bidwell asked.

   “Not officially.” Webber laughed. “You see; the Etheran carry an ‘all volunteer’ army. They provide these neat little subsidies for our families as we leave to fight. Only problem is that just get people who desperately need the money for their families. So economically, yes, you could be ‘drafted.’

   “At least you guys got to choose.”

   “Not necessarily.” Damien sighed. “My brother only signed up for the Guard to pay off my medical bills. We couldn’t afford to it, so it kind of forced the hand on him. He was so pissed off when I joined, made his sacrifice for nothing.”

   “I have a daughter back home,” Webber said. “I was so madly driven to give her the best of everything I signed up for the money. It’s only now I realized all she needed was father. I was so beslubbering stupid!”

   Webber tried to wipe the tears from his eye, but they kept on flowing. The others watched in empathy.

   “Well, I came from a poor family, had to support them somehow.” Marcus spoke.

   “Marcus, you’re from Moskau, the whole province is like one giant ghetto!” Damien snickered. “Captain Butter’s own words actually.”

   “So, what was your home like?” Webber asked, having stopped crying. “All I can remember is water and sand.”

   “Well, you all know it was an archipelago. We’re mainly seaborne people. It was warm and windy, with lots of beautiful beaches.” Bidwell replied.

   “And women.” Marcus added.

   “Oh yeah, I agree with you there!” Damien quipped up.

   “I don’t really know much more, I was still in school.” Bidwell continued. “I was meaning to ask, why do call your commander Butters?”

   “We don’t know.” Webber replied questioningly. “Jenkins was the one who started it, but he was our first reported casualty, so I guess we never will.”

   “I miss home.”

   “We all do, but hey, you’ve only been gone for like, a few months.” Webber laughed. “We’ve been gone for years, man.”

   Bidwell finished off his soup before putting it by his side. Sighing he took a picture out of his front pocket and stared at it. It was a picture of girl he once knew, but was too afraid to ask out. He had missed his chance.

   Webber took a look at the picture and simply smiled.

   “I know exactly what will fix you’re problem.” He snickered. “Let me introduce you to some of the Valhallan women.”

Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2007, 12:30:36 PM »
Chapter 5: Preparations

   “Leo, are you okay?” his girlfriend asked.

   “What do you think Pauline?” Leo snapped. “I just can’t beslubbering believe this!”

   He slammed his fist into the wall out of frustration. Anger and sadness boiled through his blood. It was not fair, not fair! He wanted nothing more then to grow up normally; he didn’t want to go fight some war he never cared for!

   “I’m so sorry.” She cried.

   “Just, just leave me alone.” Leo cried, trying to use the walls for support.

   “It’s okay Leo.”

   “HOW IS IT OKAY?” he snarled.

   Pauline flinched as she heard him react. It was fierce and it scared her, he had never heard him use this tone of voice before. She took a deep breath and tried to reorient herself.

   “I’ve practically been drafted into the Imperial Guard.” He said. “And by my own parents no less! Tell me, how is that okay?”

   She had no response to such a question. She too didn’t know what to do to support him in a time like this. It would all be useless anyways, there was a good chance she’ll never see him again.

   She cried with him.

   Leo awoke with an upstart. Tears rolled down his cheek, it seemed he was crying in his sleep. He sighed as he looked around the camp. Most of the men were asleep, with the exception of a few sentries.

   “Something wrong captain?” asked his aide.

   “Just couldn’t sleep Alexi.” He responded.

   “Well, you have perfect timing; Major Hans has called a meeting.” Alexi replied. “He wants you at HQ ASAP.”

   Leo groaned as he got up. He slept out in the field with his men, ate their rations, and suffered the same torments as they did. It earned his men’s respect to know that even though he was an officer, he was just one of them. Of course, it usually meant that he was late to the meetings, though, he didn’t really care.

   Taking his time he made idle conversation with some of the sentries on the way. With the slight influx from the Koronkan regiments, he wanted to know more about them. He needed to know his men, to make sure they were getting everything they needed, and were to in tip-top condition.

   The rest of the officers were waiting impatiently as Leo made it into the war room. He was a good twenty minutes late, not that he cared. Taking a seat, he kicked off his boots and then placed his feet on the table, waiting for Hans to begin.

   “Okay, this is unacceptable!” Captain Troy snapped. “If Captain Scotch here refuses to show up on time, or act accordingly, how is it that he’s fit to bare his rank?”

   Leo didn’t bother to respond; he pulled his cap down and pretended to go to sleep. Troy was beginning to fume, he wanted answers and he wanted them now.

   “If we may begin,” Hans snarled, causing many of the officers to redirect their attention.

   He directed the officer’s attention to the table, showing their positions. The map was mostly blue, with small pockets of red and yellow.

   “As you can see here, the blue and red zones are controlled by us, and the enemy, respectively.” He began. “The yellow zones are heavily contested.

   “Fortunately we wiped out much of the enemy in our last encounter - thank you meat bags - but our next big step is the capture of this Fort here. Fort Lititz belonged to the local PDF, but was ousted in the chaos insurrection. It is where the last of the rebels reside, and is the only true force that could put up a fight. It is heavily fortified, and the casualties will be horrendous; which is why I volunteered us to go in first.”

   Loud groaning erupted from the men. It was bad enough Hans was in control of a company. But now he was in control of an entire battalion, just more meat for the grinder as he would likely put it.

   “Fortunately for you all, my request was denied, the Koronkan Beach Boys will be spearheading the assault.”

   “Let me guess, as much as you like getting us killed, you love to see them die more?” Leo quipped up, amidst the

   “Yup, a full frontal assault and they volunteered for it too! I wouldn’t think anyone else as that stupid.” Hans laughed. “They wanted to ‘redeem’ themselves or some other nonsense.”

   “That’s good to know, when do we make the assault?”

   “At dawn the next day,’ he replied. “You’re all dismissed.


   The men of the Koronkan 1st stood restless as the waited. The order to attack was soon and coming. And the men tried their best to keep occupied with distractions. The regiment was dealt a horrendous morale blow a week ago, and they were still licking their wounds. However, the honor would not be given to those damn Etherans was what ran through their minds. The attack would begin in an hour. Much of the equipment was loaded, and everyone was ready to go. So everyone stood around idle, bored, eager, and impatient.

   “I hope HQ knew what they were doing.” Captain Kohl heard one of the troopers under his command say. “I mean, shouldn’t we leave this to the more experienced units?”

   “What did you just say Trooper?” Kohl snarled. He stared at the young lad, intimidating him. “What did you mean by that, Joel?”

   He tried his best not to wet himself at the moment. It was widely known that the Captain resented the Etherans. It was a humiliating loss for their regiments, and he would not stand for it. While many of the Regiment, along with High Command, lay the blame on their foolishness. Kohl however, had other ideas.

   “They used us Trooper,” Kohl referred to the Etherans. “Used us as their shields, their meat-bags, so you’re right to question High Command; I don’t think they have any idea what they’re doing.”

   Joel stammered, thanking the Emperor for this small bit of fortune. “Y-your right sir,” he managed to say. “I-it all those damn Etherans fault.”

   “Good, carry on.” The Captain said before leaving to check on the others.

   “He had you by the testicles didn’t he?” Cantus snickered next to him. “I-it’s a-all t-those d-damn E-Etherans f-fault.” He mockingly imitated. “The Captain needs to grow a pair and admit his mistakes. High Command did it, and I doubt anyone other than Hans would get us wasted.”

   Joel nodded meekly, he was right of course. Major Hans had received a notorious reputation for getting all of his men killed because he liked listening to their screams. Of course, unbeknownst to the Koronkans, this was true. Though, right now they were simple grateful for the rescue/ambush/using them as bait, mainly because they were still alive. Joel was tempted to have joined the Etherans, but nobody short of Bidwell was allowed to join. The Captain scared them; he wouldn’t let anyone but the sick, the wounded, and the cowardly go.

   “It just sucks to be us.” Cantus sighed; he had just heard the call to move out.

   “Emperor saves us.”

« Last Edit: June 21, 2007, 10:45:17 PM by *Nosferatu* »

Offline Spyke

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2007, 11:45:29 PM »
Hey, this is a really good story man! I'm very interested in seeing what happens next. Well written too. I like the characters you've created. It's nice to see a story with some real personality and not the cliche stock characters that tend to appear in so many fiction stories. Keep 'em coming!  :)

No rush, of course. lol

Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #7 on: June 21, 2007, 10:48:05 PM »
Alright here's another chapter. If it isn't much trouble could anyone who reads this leave behind a bit of critique? A small "I like it" would be good enough.

Anyways, here's another chapter.

Chapter 6: Hell on [insert planet here]

   “KEEP MOVING!” Captain Kohl roared as he charged forward. Despite the wishes of his men, he kept trying to push them forward.

   “Captain, we need to pull back!” Joel screamed, disobeying the commander. He knew how poorly the situation was, and risked insubordination for it.

   It was a slaughter, a horrendous and hideous slaughter. Most of the regiment was pinned down, unable to move anywhere. The attack started off at what seemed like a complete success, but was now trapped by enemy fire. It was a turkey shoot; the four thousand remaining men of the Koronkan 1st and 2nd were being slowly picked off. Men kept dying as more and more bolter and las-fire impacted the ground.

   Kohl went on despite the casualties. “YOU WILL KEEP MOVING TROOPER!” he ignored the screaming and moaning of his own men as he tried fruitlessly to keep the company afloat.

   “amphetamine parrot!” Cantus screamed as a piece of bolter fire embedded itself into his shoulder.

   “Regiments, fall back.” The order sounded over the vox caster. A general retreat just ordered, and the men were very happy to oblige. Artillery fire began to bombard the enemy position. Fragments from the fort flew into the air, covering the retreat. Smoke canisters also hit their mark, decreasing visibility for the defenders.


   “He’s gone mad!” Trooper Vance cried.

   “FORWARD YOU COWARDS!” Kohl ushered forward, despite his men’s wishes. Thinking quickly he put a few las bolts through a couple random Troopers’ heads, getting their attention. “IF YOU DON’T GET MOVING I’LL EXECUTE EVERY LAST ONE OF…” He was never able to finish, a las bolt seared through his head.

   Joel lowered his lasgun. “If anyone asks, the cultists got him.” He gasped. “It’s like the truth!” he added humorously. The rest of the men ignored the dead body of their former, and psycho, commander. Taking instead to follow their new sane, although recently usurping, one.

   “Good riddance.” Cantus sighed as they began to file out.


   “Casualty reports sir.” Colonel Jurmil of the Koronkan 1st addressed. He handed the report over to General Roukin, who didn’t seem to like it anymore then he did. One could visibly see his eyes twitching as he went over the list.

   “Four hundred and seventy three dead and six hundred forty wounded.” The General sighed. “This is unacceptable; your men didn’t even make it past the second line of defense!” He looked over the report again; the Koronkan’s were able to easily make it past the first line. But their over zealousness led them straight into a trap.

   Jurmil took of his cap and stared at his feet. “We’re gravely sorry for our failure.” He apologizes, upset over the loss of his men. “They were brave men sir, they tried their best.” 

   “I do not doubt their bravery,” Roukin sighed. “It’s their self control I doubt. They always rush into things…maybe I’ll just have the Navy level the entire thing.” The General brought up the attention of the ship’s captain.

   “Sir, can you do that?” Jurmil questioned.

   “It was the original plan, but the PDF, you, and Hans apparently had better ideas.” He snapped, hand on his sidearm; he impulsively wanted to shoot the colonel. Luckily for him, the Colonel of course, he decided against that course of action. “Should have used Han’s men, or at the very least throw the PDF at it till the gained some common sense.”

    “Sir, if I may add, the tension between the Etheran and Koronkan regiments,” the Colonel paused. “Also seems to be thickening.”

   “You are a newly founded regiment and have yet to earn your respect.” Roukin added sharply, “if you think the Etherans hate you, go speak with the Mordians.”

   The Colonel paled slightly; the Mordians were the most anal retentive unit on board. Always needing their battle dresses pressed and clean, though a freaking battle zone too! It would be easily assumed the Mordians would dislike his regiment. His men were too lax; he made a mental note to crack down and maintain some discipline.

   “General, I apologize.” Captain Herald of the Emperor’s Light was seen on the screen. “I was in a meeting, but I hear you want us to level Fort Lititz. Correct?” he had a goofy grin on, like a pyromaniac ready to set the world ablaze. Actually, screw the simile; he WAS a pyro ready to set the world ablaze.

   “Correct.” Roukin replied.

   “Good, good, request granted.” He smiled before disappearing.

   “Good, now that that’s taken care of.” The General stood up. “I’m going to get something to eat, Colonel, care to join me?”

   “Yes sir,” he replied groggily, putting his cap back on.


   “Pretty colors…” Webber watched in awe as Fort Lititz burned and crumbled. It stood ablaze as what remained of it dissolved into ash. In the morning a couple of regiments would be sent in to mop up what’s left. Fortunately, they were not one of them.

   “Is it just me or are we constantly getting shoved into the background?” Dominic asked.

   “What do you mean?”

   “We haven’t done anything all week but watch those poor bastards get slaughtered.” He replied. Dominic holstered his lasgun as he began to pack up camp. “We came here, killed a few cultists, and now we just sit on our ass occupying for a bit. Seems a little too easy don’t you think?”

   “Remember Dominic, this is supposed to be easy.” Ronald rebutted, “Kind of have to ease the new regiments in.” He paid no mind to the fact that the Koronkans were continuously being massacred left and right.

   “Hey, have any of you seen my meltas?” Sergei asked as he ran up to the group. He had this affiliation with melta bombs, having saved his life back on Medusa V. A little bit of overkill, but simply sticking one onto a Chaos Marine is a lot healthier then actually having to fight it. It was something the entire Regiment began to adopt, if they couldn’t get meltas they’d make due with improvised explosives.

   “They’re on you’re back.” Dominic replied wryly.

   Sergei threw him a dumbfounded look, as if his friends should have known better. “Of course they’re on my back, but I keep no less then four on me at all times if I can help it.” Okay, maybe he was a little obsessed with them.

   “Sergei, you dropped this by the Valhallan camp.” Leo handed him the little bomb. “I swear, do you have to take them EVERYWHERE?” he shot a shocked look.

   “Everywhere,” he smiled. Okay, maybe more then a little obsessed. “Where have you been my precious?” okay, maybe extremely obsessed. He glanced at the bemused look on the faces of his comrades. “Hey, at least they’re some good news for once!” he replied.

   “What do you mean?” Ronald asked.

   “Didn’t you hear?” Sergei looked confused. “We’re getting a Commissar.”

   Oh amphetamine parrot. That thought ran through everyone’s minds.

Offline Lord Commissar Spiteful

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2007, 07:21:51 AM »
LOL. Like the Tolkien referenace, and the futility of the charge in view of the Navy's bombardment. Now I have a little criticism. The speak an aweful lot during battles. Perhaps you can make it a little more minimalist. Also some of the high command interaction is a little off putting. It doesn't come accross as quite right. Have a watch of some Black Adder Goes Forth. Here you'll see Rowan Atkinson make a fantastic impression of an officer with no respect for high command, while at teh same time hemmed in by its constraints.

This story is looking pretty good. Overall I like it.

Oh, and did you ever move the previous one to the project boards?
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Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2007, 11:24:46 AM »
I believe it was, last time I checked Goyder made it disappear.

Offline Lord Commissar Spiteful

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2007, 11:35:09 AM »
Sorry, should have gotten back to you about this. Uhm, I checked: it's up and I want to start editing. Is the second lot the totality of what you want up, or should I search through older posts. I have some free time, so I can help out a little (the clownissar's back baby!).

Also I already asked that you get access there, but if you want you can PM a mod and ask for access. My suggestion would be Goyder or Arcas.
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Offline *Nosferatu*

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2007, 11:41:18 AM »
Why thank you.

The Second Lot is the one I want, it's fairly edited so I feel that it would be better. As for access, I can wait, no hurry.

Offline Lord Commissar Spiteful

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Re: (Draft) Book 2: Far Away
« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2007, 12:08:31 PM »
Thanks mate.
I have to drop mate off at an airport at 3am so i have a few hours to kill. I'll get on it instantly.

If you end up doing any PMing, let me know so that I can act appropriately.  (don't want to antagonise the High Brass now do I?)

Anyways, so far I love the story, and the foreshadowing is interesting. I'm curious what you're going to do the the poor guys.

Anyways, I'm off.
Keep it up mate!
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