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Author Topic: Battle Fluff  (Read 1925 times)

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Offline BRabbit

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Battle Fluff
« on: February 20, 2012, 10:23:01 AM »
Ok well me and a friend are going to play a match of Death Korps of Krieg vs Orks and I thought I'd write some fluff for it. I might also do a battle report to go along with it. Hope you enjoy.

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We shall not falter nor flinch, no matter what beast we face
For our brethren failed the emperor and fell from his grace
It is us who must now fight, for our home is lost
It was others who sinned, but us paying the cost
So fear not the heretics and enemies of the empire
For we'll cleanse them all with steel and with fire

- Found etched into the wreckage of a Leman Russ bearing the flag of the Death Korps. It is believed to be a war chant that finds its origins in the rebellion that saw the leaders of their home world Kreig rise against the Emperor, temporarily leaving the planet controlled by rebels and heretics.


Colonel Alexis surveyed the barren waste land that stood before him, the heat of two suns beating down. The planet Polaris VII had been void of life for a while now, that much was clear to him. What lay before him was an ocean of red and orange that stretched out as far as the eye could see. Only broken up by a few clumps of dead trees, the only proof that there had ever been life on this planet. The ground had long ago cracked under the extreme heat and lack of moisture. It was now covered in millions of cobweb like cracks, mostly skin deep he assessed. They wouldn't hinder the advance of his vehicles and artillery. He thought he'd have a good view of the wastelands from the hill where he now stood. However he hadn't counted on there been heavy winds, causing a cloud of red sand to hide everything in the distance. Though he knew that somewhere in that cloud lay a horde of Orks and their Warboss GhuzzKracker. Very well he thought, he would just have to march on in there blind and drag the wretched Ork boss out. The weather didn't phase him, if the emperor requested this monstrosity die. Then die he shall.

The Colonel turned to the Guardsman standing behind him and with a silent exchange of hand gestures the orders were sent. Then as if almost ordered by some higher power the lines of Guardsmen began their march. The silence of the dead planet was only broken by the whistling of the wind, the heavy breathing of respirators and the steady drumming of marching feet. Solemnly and with a brave certainty not common among the ranks of the Imperial Guard the Death Korps marched into the cloud. In fact the Death Korps were hardly recognizable as Imperial Guard. They wore heavy trench coats, tattered and worn from past conflicts. The deep black that is the colour of their outfit had lightened and faded after many battles on desolate deserts such as Polaris. Their faces were disguised and hidden behind the haunting visage of their full face respirators, making them look less like men and more like demons. Their every breath turned into an almost inhuman growl. Some of their helmets had slugga or bolter shells heavily implanted into them, left there as proof of the wearers luck. The elite Grenadiers among the ranks wore heavy chest plates under their trench coats, many of which were defiled by etchings of marching chants and odes of bravery. But it was not the war torn look of the outfit that made them seem different, although it did help. It was their lack of fear. For Death Korps Guardsmen are notorious for facing death with a bravery usually only seen among Marines. Every single Guardsman took the next step into the abyss of the sandstorm with out the most minute of hesitation, despite not being able to see past the end of their guns. These men would not flinch or falter, even in the face of the brutish Orks.  They were here to collect a debt in blood, or possibly pay one.

They would either leave this forsaken place with the Ork Bosses' head on a stick or not at all.

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Sorry about there not being any action. As I said this was just fluff for an actual battle that will be played, so the action is yet to pan out. I was more trying to paint the picture of my army (I'm playing the Death Korps) and create the feel of the battle. If this gets met well by you guys I might also write some fluff for the battle based off what happens in the game.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2012, 06:15:25 PM by BRabbit »

Offline Underhand

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Re: Battle Fluff
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2012, 03:47:26 PM »
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Only broken up by a few clumps of dead trees, the only proof that there had ever been life on this planet. 
That sentence is a little on the clunky side.  Would I be right in thinking that it was originally part of the previous sentence?

 
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For Death Korps Guardsmen are notorious for facing death with a bravery usually only seen among Marines
If Space Marines aren't in the story, then I wouldn't reference them.  It draws the focus of the reader away from the guardsment and makes them think about Space Marines. This is a nitpick.

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It was how every single Guardsman took the next step into the abyss of the sandstorm with out the most minute of hesitation, despite not being able to see past the end of their guns, that set them apart.
You are kind of telling the reader how they should feel when they read the text, rather than writing a description of how the guardsmen walked into the sandstorm that evokes an emotional response in the reader.

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It was clear that these men would not flinch or falter, even in the face of the brutish Orks.
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It was clear that they were here to collect a debt in blood, or possibly pay one.
In both cases, you are telling the reader it was clear.  It would be much better if you wrote a description which made the reader come to that conclusion on their own. 

You can do it by simply leaving out those words:

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Every single Guardsman took the next step into the abyss of the sandstorm with out the most minute of hesitation, despite not being able to see past the end of their guns. These men would not flinch or falter, even in the face of the brutish Orks.  They were here to collect a debt in blood, or possibly pay one.
  Virtually the same words, but the reader comes to the conclusion on their own that these guys are badasses, and so it sticks better.

Otherwise it's pretty good.  Except the title.  The title is utterly amphetamine parrote.  I'm not even going to sugarcoat that.  The title sets the tone of the piece, and the title 'Battle Fluff' tells the reader that this isn't worth their time to read.




Offline BRabbit

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Re: Battle Fluff
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2012, 05:42:19 PM »
Thank you for the feed back. I suppose I did get a  bit carried away and forceful when it came to the description of the men. Your comments are duly noted.


Sorry about the title. It's because this is more pre game fluff then a properly planned piece of fiction. I just didn't want people to be disappointed by coming in expecting some wild tale. I will make more effort with the title next time though.

Offline Mortalis

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Re: Battle Fluff
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2012, 09:30:40 PM »
Yeah nice. A little cliche' but 'battle fluff' in thw rold of 40k always is :D

~Morty

 


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