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Author Topic: Joke Thread!  (Read 55481 times)

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Offline dragonclaw15

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #160 on: May 29, 2009, 06:11:21 PM »
"nothing". I'd continue this but I am awful with jokes.

Offline Thalandir

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #161 on: June 2, 2009, 07:28:16 AM »
I had to google that to figure it out, NewHeretic  :(

Damn I feel stupid....

~Thal


Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing, 'Hallelujah'? Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine...

Offline NewHeretic

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #162 on: June 2, 2009, 03:35:19 PM »
Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll ya have, Rene?"
Descartes answers, "I don't think..." and promptly disappears.

NewHeretic

Edit: I just knew I'd misspell Descartes.  :)  NH
« Last Edit: June 3, 2009, 01:20:28 PM by NewHeretic »
Good advice from Joshua:

Choose you this day
Whom you will serve...
As for me and my house,
We will serve the Lord.

NewHeretic, forum policeman.

Offline Dr. Ravingburger

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #163 on: June 3, 2009, 06:52:52 PM »
No idea if this was used before, but:

2 men are trying to join the CIA. The recruiter tells them that the final test is to gfo into the next room and shoot their wife, who is waiting in the room. The first man enters, then leaves exclaiming "I can't do this!" The second man walks in, and leaves some time later, out of breath. He exclaims "The damn gun was loaded with blanks, so I had to beat her to death with the chair!"

Offline The_Gerv

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #164 on: July 7, 2009, 03:59:55 AM »
A blonde walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for this TV?"

The owner looks at her and responds, "Ma'am, we've had a history of problems with blonde customers. Therefore we exercise our right to refuse service to anyone, specifically blondes."

The woman stomps out in a huff. She goes to a wig shop and gets a black wig. She puts on the wig and returns to the appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for this TV?"

The owner responds again, "Ma'am, we've had a history of problems with blonde customers. Therefore we exercise our right to refuse service to anyone, specifically blondes."

The woman stares at him, and finally says, "Well, I'm not a blonde. I have black hair. See?"

The owner looks at her, and says, "Ma'am, I know you have blonde hair."

The woman tears off the wig and demands, "How did yu know? Was my hair showing through the wig?"

"No ma'am," the man responds. He points to the appliance the woman is holding, "But that's a microwave."

Offline burgers4me

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #165 on: July 8, 2009, 06:18:03 AM »
Knock Knock
Whoes there?
No-one!
No-one who?
....


:D
What, Wait?

Why do I even have this thing...

"There is no such thing as a bad story. Just one that can be improved."

Offline Sir Sam Vimes

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #166 on: July 8, 2009, 07:56:54 AM »
Three squats go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the beslubber out of here."

(I think we've all seen that epic movie ;))

Offline alerion

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #167 on: August 10, 2009, 05:11:39 PM »
(this is a bit adult and might get removed)

when a blue whale ejaculates it ejaculates 30,000 sperm and only 10% of it entres the female whale, and you wonder why the sea is so salty.  ;D

Offline Mr. Dashington

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #168 on: August 11, 2009, 05:14:03 PM »
hehe I heard that one the other night on a Dave re-run of Jack Dee live at the Apollo


This, too, is adult:


What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

*When you hit it the mosquito stops sucking*
signed, Mr.Dashington

Offline Boar

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #169 on: August 21, 2009, 12:23:16 AM »
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?

A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
From the swamps and mountains of the great NORTH CACKALACKA

Offline Only Slightly Crazy

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #170 on: September 2, 2009, 07:22:15 PM »
Heres some for those that use Vista, or any other Windows system.
Mac users swear by their Macs, Windows users swear AT their windows.

"Windows 98 had detected that you moved your mouse. would you like to reboot to implement this change?"

Back of a Windows manual: If you have any problems, feel free to mail us at 666 WorshipBill Street, Commoragh. (sorry if misspelled.)
 (edit)
Just came up with one!
What's black, blue, red all over, and hates me? :-\

(the people in my raider!!! ;D)
« Last Edit: September 3, 2009, 11:21:21 PM by Only Slightly Crazy »
DISCLAMER! Any thing offensive can be considered a joke in bad taste. Thank you!

Offline Adarachir

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #171 on: October 12, 2009, 12:46:43 AM »
Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff.

Badum-tish.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
No, I'm not feeling violent, I'm feeling creative with weapons.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
I'm not cynical. I'm just experienced.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If I throw a stick, will you go away?

Offline Rigged Dice

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #172 on: October 21, 2009, 03:23:29 AM »
Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?

A: Dam


Q: What's the funniest vegetable?

A: The lolive

Offline Dead-Head Jenkinsons

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #173 on: December 12, 2009, 01:18:19 PM »
Nit: It's raining cats and dogs
Wit: I know, I just stepped in a poodle


Salesman: That suit fits you like a glove
Customer: Can you show me one that fits like a suit?

 8)
Quote
I don't know what you're talking about.  Girls tend to love 40K.  I mean, what's not to like?  If you are a girl, you tend to like guys.  And lots of guys play 40K.  So therefore logic dictates that girls also love 40K.
Ahh.  And there's the flaw in your logic, my friend.  Girls, generally speaking, don't think logically

Offline Sayt

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #174 on: December 15, 2009, 02:24:08 AM »
"Photons have Mass? I didn't even know they were catholic...."

"Stirlitz opened a door. The lights went on. Stirlitz closed the door. The lights went out. Stirlitz opened the door again. The light went back on. Stirlitz closed the door. The light went out again. "It's a fridge," concluded Stirlitz."

"An Officer falls asleep on a duty, right in front of the Big Sniney Burtton.  Later, after the officer wakes up, a Colonel comes in and the  officer reports: "During my watch nothing has happened, Comrade Colonel!", and the Colonel Replies: "Nothing's happened you say?!  Nothing's happened?! Then where the hell is Belgium?!!"

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."

Offline Awfully Dandy

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #175 on: January 18, 2010, 08:46:13 AM »
I got one (It is okay to post in this topic?)

A man goes to join Al qaeda as a suicide bomber. The interviewer ask him if he has any pior experience.

Offline Nomsheep, the Modhunter.

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #176 on: January 30, 2010, 04:15:16 PM »
21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas

1.      I prefer breasts to legs

2.      Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3.      Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4.      If I don’t undo my trousers, I’ll burst!

5.      I’ve never seen a better spread!

6.      I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7.      Are you ready for seconds yet?

8.      It’s a little dry; do you still want to eat it?

9.      Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!

10.     Don’t play with your meat.

11.     Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12.     Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at
once?

13.     I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!

14.     You still have a little bit on your chin.

15.     How long will it take after you put it in?

16.     You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

17.     Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18.     That’s the biggest bird I’ve ever had!

19.     I’m so full; I’ve been gobbling nuts all morning

20.     Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all that and still want
more!

21.     I do like a good stuffing.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2018, 11:34:26 AM by Nomsheep, the Modhunter. »
Someday someone will say something about me witty or memorable enough to put here til then enjoy this;
Rule 66: the cake is a lie

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WE need YOU

Offline Anecdotal Rabbit

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #177 on: February 2, 2010, 06:40:37 PM »
A post without a joke is considered SPAM!

If you get an E-Mail from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of Swine Flu... Ignore it, It's just Spam.
Random Thoughts At Random Times
Chaos Marines are just Marines with spikes - Easy to proxy, Easy to game.

Offline zaery

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #178 on: February 17, 2010, 11:49:59 AM »
What ethnicity is a baby if it's parents are:
1)Icelandish and Cuban
2)Hollandish(sp?) and Philipino
3)French and Greek


Answers, colored white so it's hard to peek, highlight them to see:
1)Ice Cube
2)Hollapino
3)Freek

« Last Edit: February 17, 2010, 11:53:11 AM by zaery »
A red car is still a car, right?
Then why do people tell me that Pluto is not a planet?

Teacher: And the Donner Party had to start boiling their shoes and eating the leather....
Blonde Southern US Girl: How did they eat shoes, they're plastic!?!

Offline Satanic Joker Jester

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #179 on: March 24, 2010, 10:37:22 PM »
A man went to a police officer to report that hed encountered many people acting like owls, the officer found it odd, but asked who? The man promptly yelled ' OH NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!'

 Hekekekeke ;D revel in it, and love it
another day, just breathe.

Looking for a new army project...
Eldar         Necrons
6-0-1       4-1-1

Possible, that it could all be wonderful~
Sweet the sound, as all the stars come crashing down~

 


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