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Offline Kritik

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Joke Thread!
« on: June 21, 2006, 10:07:01 PM »
You know how we are depressed sometimes, well let's have a joke thread!

If it's going to be controversial, preface it before you tell the joke and then highlight it in black. Try to keep this thing non-sexual, Solar.

A post without a joke is considered SPAM!

==============================

First Joke:

A blonde, burnette, and red head are trapped in an Ancient Magical tomb, with no exits. Then they found a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie comes out and says that since there are 3 of them and he grants only 3 wishes, that each gets only 1 wish.

The Burnette said "I want to be back with my Family!"
*poof!*
He's gone.

The Red Head said "I want to be in my house with my Fiancee!"
*poof!*
He's gone.

The Blonde looks around and said "I'm lonely. I want my friends back!"
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Goyder

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2006, 10:24:44 PM »
A post without a joke is considered SPAM!

I submit you saying that for one of my jokes.

A honest lawyer, a smart blonde and hobo are walking down the street and they all see a $10 note. Who picks it up?

The Hobo, the rest are fictional characters. har-har-har.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? (lol Jimmy)
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 KG.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

(Lord bless work emails).


Real men fight in Tanks!

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2006, 10:31:15 PM »
A post without a joke is considered SPAM!

I submit you saying that for one of my jokes.

I shake my fist at you.


3 Blondes are stuck on an Island, and they find a magical lamp and they rub it. (yes, another blonde-genie joke).
The genie comes out and says he will grant each a wish.
The first blonde says that she wants to be 10% smarter so she can get off the island, so the genie turns her into a red-head and she swims off the island.
The second blonde says that she wants to be 25% smarter so she can get off the island, so the genie turns her in to a burnette and she builds a raft by cutting down the tree and sails off the Island.
The last blonde says that she wants to be 50% smarter so she can get off the island, so the genie turns her into a man and the blonde walks across the bridge.
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Karl Eller

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2006, 11:48:40 PM »
A post without a joke is considered SPAM!
This rule will be enforced too, with any post that doesn't have a joke in it being deleted on sight.

Except this one, of course, but that's only 'cause I can't think of a joke :P

Eller
"Explain how bad this turbulence will be"
"Oh god! Oh god! We're going to die"
"*over the intercom* Uh, this is your captain speaking, we're going to experience a few minor bumps, then uh... crash!"

Offline Roy

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2006, 02:57:39 AM »
Q: How many Microsoft Programmers do you need to screw in a lightbulbe?
A: None, they have a meeting and define darkness as a new standard.

Q: What's 40cm long, white and makes all girls scream?
A: Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

Sunday School   
 
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted. 

Offline RAVEN KRW

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2006, 08:22:24 AM »
I think this thread would make a good sticky so we can continously add jokes.



Two Irish brothers decide to start up their own pig farm. But the brothers only have enough to by to pigs.
So they go to the market and buy two pigs. When they get them back to their small farm they spend the day building a pig sty. The younger brother asks the older brother "how will we tell the difference between which pig is yours and which pig is mine." The older brother decided to cut the tail off his pig then says "my pig will be the one without a tail so we will know whos pig is whos." That night the pig without a tail chews off the other pigs tail.
In the morning the two Irish brothers come out to feed the pigs. The younger brother notices that they both have no tail. "How will we tell the difference no he asks."
The older brother thinks for a moment then decides to cut the ear of one of the pigs. "Ok my pig is the one with only one ear now we can tell which pig is mine and which pig is your."That night the other pigs chews off an ear off the pig with two ears.
The morning comes and the two Irish brothers come to feed the pigs "ok now look whats happened they both have one ear." Says the younger brother.
The older brother cuts the remaining ear of one of the pigs then says "My pig is the earless one and yours is the other."
The following night the pig with no ears chews the remaining ear of the other pig.
Come the morning the two Irish brothers come out again to feed the pigs. The younger brother says "Now look they both have no tail or ears how do we tell the difference now"
Well the older brother looks at both pigs and says "OK I'm sick of this we'll just say the pink pig is yours and the black pig is mine."




~Raven.

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2006, 09:47:33 AM »
A post without a joke is considered SPAM!
This rule will be enforced too, with any post that doesn't have a joke in it being deleted on sight.

Except this one, of course, but that's only 'cause I can't think of a joke :P

Eller

You mods think your so special  >:(.


A tourist goes to a restaurant in Mexico and sits down at a table. The waiter comes up to him to ask what he wants and he looks around to find this guy savoring this big long sausage looking piece of meat.
The tourist says: "I want what he's having."
The waiter says: "Apologies sir, but that's bull dick, we have it only once per week after the games. You would have to order 2 weeks in advance."
The tourist says: "Okay, I'll have one."

2 Weeks Later...

The tourist says: "I'm ready to eat what I ordered!"
When the dish was supplied to him, the dish wasn't as big. In fact it was very small and looked rather disgusting. When he tasted it, it wasn't very good. The tourist calls the waiter:
"Waiter, why is mine so different fromt that of 2 weeks ago?"
the Waiter responds: "Well, sir. Sometimes the bull wins."
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Arun

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2006, 10:09:19 AM »
A man decides to call home after a hard day's work at the office and dials the number on his Nokia N-90. Telephone rings.
Laura picks it up.
"Hello?"
"Hey my girl, how're you doing? Where's mommy?"
"She's in the bedroom. With uncle George."
short silcence.
"....Who's uncle George?.......Listen dear, you go into the bedroom and tell them that I'm driving up very soon into the garage."
"Allright daddy."
Shortly afterwards:
"Hey daddy!"
"Laura, what exactly happened?"
"I went in and saw mommy without clothes jumping on uncle Geoge, who was without clothes, too! I told them you were parking in the garage. Both of them leapt up and mommy leapt out of the bed, trying to put her clothes on, but slipped and fell off the window and is on the pavement now and doesn't move anymore. Uncle George tried to leap out of the window facing our swimming pool, but didn't know that you had drained it before you left this morning. He cracked his skull on the pool floor and also doesn't move anymore...."
Silence for a few sec.
"Swimming pool? Woops, wrong number!"
*click*

After the school year ended, the teach asked his students what they would write on his tomb stone if he died one day. Everybody thought of something deeply philosophical except Kevin, who was searching for his eraser under the table. At last he found it saying loudly: "There he lies finally, that f*cktard!"

Several paki soldiers had recently bought some fighter jets from china. The little chinese dude was quickly explaining them how they worked. "You press this button and the plane goes up. These are for the side turns. That one's for ignition. Got it?"

One particularly unshaven paki asked: "And how do we get down?"

The chinese smiled, saying: "Leave that to the Indian Air Force!"

(hey, no offense against pakistanis here okay?)
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 10:14:46 AM by Arun »
I totally quit 40kO 4-eva!
I knew of the rules yet refused to follow them.
I also most likely had a 1/5 of the Brain.

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2006, 10:50:08 AM »
I actually would not like this to be stickied. No one seem to post in stickied threads, they just look at them. The most vibrant threads are good ones that aren't stickied.

=================

There was this big flood and Ben found himself stuck on top of his roof with water on all sides of him.
A boat came and urged him to get on the boat before it is too late. Ben refused, saying that he is praying to God and Lord al'mighty will save him. After much argumentation, the boat gave up and left.
Then a second boat came, and this boat, too, urged Ben to get on the boat and save himself. Again, Ben refused, professing that God will save him. After much pleading, Ben continued refused to get on and the boat left.
Then a helicopter came. The members on board begged Ben to get on but Ben was adamant in his faith for the lord. The helicopter pilots begged until they were almost out of fuel. The Helicopter left.

Ben ultimately died.  :'(, when he went up to heaven, he was a little upset and went up to the lord to ask a question:
"Why didn't you save me from the flood, almighty father?"

"I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want!?"
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Captain Hajime

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2006, 08:05:17 PM »
What is the one thing that can bring smiles to a Canadian, Iraqi, Frenchman, German, Chinese, Japanes and a Korean?

The USA losing at any sport.

----------------------

Bad Joke Alert!

What does the local cemitery intern lawers 12 feet down?

Because deep down they are good peope.

----------------------

What the difference between a personal Injury Lawyer and a Cat fish?

One is a Scum sucking scaviger, the other is just a fish

----------------------

Two Indian doctors are argueing at a UN hosiptal in Bosina.

"It is Woma, spelled W - o -m - a"

"No no, it Wome, spelled W - o - m -e"

A Canadian Nurse  cuts in "you are both wrong it womb, spelled W - o - m - b."

the First indian Doctor looks at the Canadian nurse. "And when have you heard a water bufflo fart."

------------------------------

How many gamer girls does it take to change a light bulb?

One and the twenty guys following her around when she mentioned she was single.

"Men from different wordls, with different views, bound together by loyality to the Emperor. This is what we have become." Captain Hajime
"I have remembered, I do remember, I will always remember."
Imperial Guard, Space marines and Ork Collector.
First Fuji Regiment W: 0 L:     2 D: 4
Tenno No Samurai W: 1 l: 5 D: 7

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2006, 09:05:54 PM »
This guy gathers his three best friends, a shop owner, a priest, and a lawyer to the local bar to discuss some issues.
The guy says: "I am going to give each of you $25,000 so that you can lay it on my coffin when I die. Now I trust you guys to give me the amount in full since you are my best friends."
His three best friends nod and walks away with the money.
The guy finally dies, and his three best friends goes to his funeral, each with an envelope, each setting his envelope into the guy's casket.
After the funeral, they gather at the bar for a beer.
The shop owner, began to cry "I am so wrong, there wasn't 25,000 dollars in my envelope. There was only 10,000 dollars. I pocketed the rest to myself. I feel really bad right now."
Seeing the man's honesty, the priest also decided to confess, "I, too, fell into temptation, for that envelope only held 15,000 dollars. So much money, I mean, he can't use it up there, can he?"
The Lawyer, drinking beer and proudly said, "I paid him back in full, 25,000 dollars worth of it!"
The Shop Owner and the Priest both dip their heads down in shame.
The Lawyer continued: "I wrote him a 25,000 dollar check."
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Arun

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2006, 12:32:27 PM »
A German, a Dutch, a French girl and an English nun are all sitting in a train compartment. The french girl is dressed very lightly, and both the guys can't help staring at mother nature's wonders. The nun notices this and looks away is disgust at the two men's attitude. The girl herself blushes and tries to look out of the window to avoid eye-contact.

The train enteres a tunnel and the lights go out. Everything is dark for a moment. Suddenly, a loud *SLAP* is heard. The nun thinks, that one of the men touched the french girl's breasts and got slapped for it. The girl thinks, one of the men tried to touch her, but touched the nun in the dark instead, and got slapped. The Dutch thinks, rubbing his cheek, the stupid German touched the girl's breasts and she slapped him by mistake, instead.

The train leaves the tunnel and warm light floods the compartment, leaving the German grinning. "Next tunnel, I'll smack the Dutch again!"

P.S: Germans and Dutch don't like each other...
I totally quit 40kO 4-eva!
I knew of the rules yet refused to follow them.
I also most likely had a 1/5 of the Brain.

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2006, 03:29:15 PM »
Helen Keller Jokes:

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Cause she was a woman.'

Q: How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
A: By breaking her fingers.

Q: How do you punish Helen Keller?
A: 1- Reareange the Furniture 2- Give her a basketball and tell her to read it. 3- tell her to find the corners in a round room

Q: Why doesn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
A: Cause she was wearing mittens.

Wow, I thought I would have more of them when I found this site dedicated to her, but they all just suck!
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline BladeWind

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #13 on: June 23, 2006, 03:50:57 PM »
One of my all time favourite jokes ever! I'm sure many many people have already heard of it aswell, there have been many different versions of it so i just tried looking for the original thing through google...

___________________ ___________________ _______________


Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

Offline Irandrura

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #14 on: June 23, 2006, 11:22:22 PM »
Time to destroy this thread... let's unleash the ultimate weapon!

The Three Purple Men Joke

This joke has been censored at the command of Inquisitor Lord Eller of the Ordo Moderatus to save the sanity (or lack there of) of the viewers. Any attempt to spread this contamination will be met with harshly
« Last Edit: June 23, 2006, 11:38:55 PM by The one and only (thank god?) Eller »
The ending of the words is ALMSIVI.

Offline Kritik

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2006, 11:41:43 PM »
Time to destroy this thread... let's unleash the ultimate weapon!

The Three Purple Men Joke

[censored to keep everybody sane(ish)]

Spam!!! Eller, why didn't you gut this spammer?!


=================================


A Mexican, Italian, and a American were working on a skyscarper.
Every single day, they each got the exact same lunch. The Mexicans got Tacos, the Italian got Spagetti, and the American got ham and cheese sandwitch.
One day, all three of them got so sick of their lunch that they all agreed to commit suicide if they get the exact same lunch the next day.
Unfortunately for them, they all did, and each of them lept to their graves below.

At the Funeral, the wives of the three co-workers gathered to mourn for the passing of their husbands:
The Mexican's Wife, tearing, said: "Oh.... this is my fault. Why did you have to die, why couldn't you have told me you didn't like your Taco, it is a family Recipe!"
The Italian followed, with more tears down her eyes: "Why, Why, why didn't you tell me you hated the spagetti?! Your father Don Corleone made it for you all the time, why didn't you like it?"
The Three women continued to remorse, but after a while, the wives of the Mexican and the Italian turned to the American. The Wife of the American, in tears, responded: "What? [sniff, sniff...] He made his own lunch!"
I used to think that I knew everything,
but now I'm just banned.



Offline Irandrura

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2006, 06:30:45 AM »
Anything to drive Hao Li insane, right?

Let's see, I need a joke to make sure this isn't spam (but isn't this funny enough already?)... okay, here's an old one -

A mathematician, an accountant, and an economist are all applying for the same job, and arrive for their job interview.

The employer calls the mathematician in, sits him down, and asks 'what does two plus two equal?' The mathematician, somewhat bemused, replies 'two'. The employer asks 'exactly two?' 'Two, no more, no less,' says the mathematician. The employer sends him out.

The employer calls the accountant in, sits him down, and asks 'what does two plus two equal?' The accountant replies 'two, but with a 10% margin of error.' The employer, satisfied, sends him out.

The employer calls the economist in, sits him down, and asks 'what does two plus two equal?' The economist gets up, lowers the blinds, locks the door, and says 'what do you want it to equal?'
The ending of the words is ALMSIVI.

Offline Salami

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2006, 09:41:30 AM »
So, who wants me to post the "Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike" joke?  ;D

SPAM!

And now! A joke. By Rictiovarus.

Four old rich men are playing golf in an exclusive resort. They are playing along when the subject changes to their offspring.

"My son", the first one says, "Is a wealthy stockbroker, and has made so much money, that he recently was able to give a good friend a set of excellent stocks."

"Well," says the second one, "my son owns a succesful car dealership, and he has made so much money that he was able to give a good friend an expensive car."

"My son has a succesful building company" says the third, "and has made so much moeny, that he was able to give a good friend a nice house."

They then pressure the fourth one, who seems reluctant to speak of his son, but finally relents.

"I don't really know what my son does, he's never able to keep a job, and I recently learned that he was gay. But he must be doing well, because he recently got a set of stocks, an expensive car and a nice house!"
Quote
May 2027: 40K 8th edition is released. The rules are now so simple that they embody the perfect emptiness of zen, accidentally causing thousands of players to become one with the universe.

June 2027: Someone complains on a message board that the 8th edition 40K rules, while the path to true enlightenment, do not feature realistic armour saves.

(Rictiovarus is the Tavern antichrist).

Offline Kitsune Tsuki

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #18 on: June 24, 2006, 10:51:32 AM »

So, who wants me to post the "Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike" joke?  ;D
I'll  do it and get it over with.

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".

On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."

On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.

On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"

To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."

"OK, pass."

So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.

"Who goes there?" asked the commander.

"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.

"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"

"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"

"OK."
« Last Edit: June 24, 2006, 10:55:26 AM by Fadingjew »

Offline Goyder

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Re: Joke Thread!
« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2006, 03:35:06 AM »
Time to destroy this thread... let's unleash the ultimate weapon!

The Three Purple Men Joke

[censored to keep everybody sane(ish)]

Spam!!! Eller, why didn't you gut this spammer?!

More comedy gold by Hao Li! Thats brilliant man, keep it up.  ;)

And if that fails, Work emails to save the day again!

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."




« Last Edit: June 26, 2006, 03:36:19 AM by Goyder »
Real men fight in Tanks!

 


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