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Author Topic: Dawnlight Arises  (Read 647 times)

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Offline overmind

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Dawnlight Arises
« on: June 13, 2007, 03:56:41 PM »
This is the start of the book I've been writing for Eldar. It is based upon a craftworld not mentioned in the books(although If I'm reading it right they do have an allowance for this situations). I am hoping to get people's reactions and perhaps pointers in general. Any comments about descriptions greatly appreciated as this is teh worst focus of my writing.
Any Critques are welcome including harsh ones.


                                                        Tales of Anaris
                                                         
                                                     Dawnlight Arises

                                                      By Stepfan Huntsman
                                                           

 Warlock Malhier slowly descended down the steps, his guardians on either side. He could feel the infinity circuit pulsing beneath his feet and it was not happy. It had been screaming for action for days now. Which explained his presence in the domains of the farseer. He had been summoned to answer the calls of his ancestors. He slowly approached the door, gesturing to the guardians that they could leave him now.

"Is the farseer here?” Malhier called into the darkness.

"Yes, child I am present and we have much to discuss.”  Malhier looked at the farseer, stunned by the dazzling brightness that appeared like a beacon from the warp, enshrouding the farseer like a cloak. The Farseer's armour was immaculate; it's runes glowing a steady countering red to the swirling brightness around the farseer.

"What do the runes require?"

"You, my brother must retrieve an item that holds priceless value to our craftworld. Beware however for those who hold it will not let it go easily."


"Who holds this device?"

"A Mon-keigh inquisitor and he must not be allowed to discover it's power."

Malhier hesitated, he didn't want to know the answer to this question but, he needed to know," What artifact has he defiled?"

The farseer looked at Malhier his sorrow radiating out causing the nimbus around him to dim to a deep blue," He has found and holds the blade, Anri made by skilled artisans of our craftworld, it was made to remind us of Anaris; the blade which is our namesake."

Malhier walked like a man among the dead from the Farseer's chamber stumbling and face seemingly glued into a permanent expression of awe and terror. He fell down before the unofficial leader of his guardians, an ex-musician called Veli.

"Are you okay sir?” he asked.

Malhier slowly rose form the floor shaking off his shock," Yes, yes, I am fine. This mission has just surprised me that's all."

"It must have been a great surprise to have startled you like that sir."

"Not more so then anything else our little motley crew has been asked to do, in our little ever running test."

Veli smiled at the though, they were after all a most strange squad," It can't be any worse then that time we
had to leap from a flying Mon Keigh thunderhawk in primitive jump packs down into a mob of orks. So that we could assist in the extraction of that exarch."

Malhier allowed himself a grin at that one it had all gone according to plan till the Exarch ended up in close combat with that Warboss as the orks called him. “Let us hope this mission has a better success rate.”

“Well, we did get the soulstones out of there, that was the task.”

“Yes, however we only barly got out and we failed to rescue the Exarch.”

“Well, that’s just the way it goes some time, so how bad is the mission.”

Malhier smiled inside his head, Veli had always been an optimist. "Actually while on the same idea as the others this one could be a bit worse."

"Really? Well what have they got in mind this time?"

"Have you ever heard of Anri..."
                                     
**********************************************************************

 Inquisitor Replezon walked down the dark halls of his Apocalypse Class Battleship. It had taken many years to acquire then transform it into his perfect vision of a ship. Even now it barley sufficed and no doubt it would be much longer before he was truly happy with it. Still it would do for this mission.

Replezon smiled at the thought of what awaited him in the next room. Behind that solid plasteel door, in the dank darkness of the interior, was his latest "acquisition". An Eldar sword of incredibly old make, and just bubbling with intense psychic energies. He of course had yet to touch it, and had been proved correct in his practicality when the thrall that tried to steal it burned to a crisp in seconds. He smiled at the thought and pushed the door open. He never kept it locked, after all no one could exactly steal it could they?

He was instantly greeted by the sound of the guarding servitors surrounding him with laser aiming devices. "Epsilion code blue", he said giving the disarming signal.

"Inquisitor is that you?” a voice beckoned from the shadows.

"Yes, Magos it is I", he responded as the Tech Priest moved from the shadows, it's body more rust covered machine then man. It, Repelzon had never bothered to find out its name or true gender, moved with the grace of a tow truck towards the sword.

"Good, I was wondering when you would come to see what I had found out", it said it's voice a dry rumbling vox devoid of emotion.

"Well, what is this blade Magos, and spare em the whole evil incarnate and defiled machine spirit junk I'm on a schedule."

The Magus looked slightly ticked, but perhaps that was Repelzon's imagination, it was rather hard to tell after all." This red moon like design here is the symbol of a great hero of the Eldar, a being called Eldanesh. This allowed me to deduce the blade's probable name using the databanks here. This may be Anaris, which translates roughly as dawnlight; it is supposedly the most powerful blade ever made. It was even rumored to have been made to kill a God."

Repelzon allowed himself a second to grin; this would be perfect... 

« Last Edit: June 15, 2007, 03:11:10 PM by overmind »

Offline BlackSavage

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Re: Dawnlight Arises
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2007, 04:43:00 AM »
Cool, but exarchs dont have soul stones. Their armor is like a mini infinity circuit, it carries their souls upon death and the souls of the previous exarchs which form some kind of a bond with the current exarch... though cool story.

Offline RAVEN KRW

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Re: Dawnlight Arises
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2007, 02:06:51 PM »
I enjoyed reading this. Some grammar structures but otherwise good story with a good atmosphere.

Offline overmind

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Re: Dawnlight Arises
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2007, 06:02:04 PM »
Thanks :D. I was terridifed everyone hated it or something because there were no responses(to be honest at this point I would've taken an I hate that! with no reason given.)

Hmmmm, wich is why I said soulstones, however excellent point. Do you have a good word for the Exarchs special coat of soulstones?

What are the grammatical structures so I know what to guard against.

Specifics are always good, and comments ae always appreciated(especially if they help).

Now for the next update (sorry it's small):


Malheir walked down the glimmering blue halls of the Craftworld towards the only webway gate with enough space to take his ship to it's first destination. He could still feel the ancestors' voice commanding him, but no longer were their crys full of anger. No, instead they demanded haste. Will they just be quite and leave me to my errand!, Malhier thought angrily, then hurridley halted that train of thought before it could continue. If anything was wrong with him it was his anger problem. His Morfessa had always said he was going to end up some Exarch or other consumed with bloodlust. Well, he hadn't quite proved her wrong.... he wasn't an Exarch just the unofficial head of an unofficial Aspect.... wich boiled down to an unofficial exarch. Annoyed he popped that tought bubble as well.

He was grateful when they arrived at the hanger bay bringing an end to his tirade of unending turmoil. Sure one did have to improve even while remaining static but, still self doubt led to deatha and death alone.

Malhier boarded the ship his guardians behind him.

On to Drazhina....


___________________ ___________________ ___________________ _

Well there you have it, now my greatest fear is Malhier to human? I tried to give him so faults of character to increase the understanding between the audience and him but, did I go to far?


 


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