Topic: *DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY*Failed GW Products

[wper34]

Current GW Product Development: "Mini Inferno Pistol"

Product class: A lighter

Product Design Failure: Uncontrollable amount of flame which caused the R&D labs to burn down.

[Hive Node]

the GW person jetpack was recall soon after it hit the shelves. it seems that many people did not no how tostop it and flew up into space. others were too dumb and ended up putting it on backwards burning off their ears and launching the backwards, usuall to hit a wall.

Sorry, I just needed to fix this cause I had a hard time reading it.

"The GW personal jetpack was recalled soon after it hit the shelves. It seems that many people did not know how to stop it and flew into space. Others were too dumb and ended up putting it on backwards, burning off their ears and launching them backwards, usually into a wall."

[wraith144]

yes thx for the correction i was in a rush to move so i wrote it in a hurry. just one tiny tiny correction to your version of it:

"... burning off their ears..."  not burning of their ears.

[terislb]

how about "an evening with the gorgeous Harlequin Dance ensemble" though it went quite bad when the Harlequin with  the role of the"laughing god" didnt find the mon keigh spectators cheering and using their primitive "photo" technology flash as funny as someone with the name laughing god should 

[wper34]

Current GW Product Development: "Nurgle Green Glue"

Product class: Glue

Product Design Failure: The glue itself works perfectly fine for its function. However, it is known to be highly infectious with chaos bacteria or viurs. Many users became sick as a result and are still hospitalised until a cure is found. Due to this unhyginic nature of the glue, it has never reached the market shelves, and the research samples are concealed with similar method of dumping a nuclear waste.

[Guildmage Aech]

GW's new PC operating system "Machine Spirit" has been withdraw from sales after user tests discovered the average power up time was 12 hours and 23 minutes. Furthermore it's other qualites of unexpectedly freezing, crashing or ejecting CDs at Ballistic Skill 2 have proved to have little favour with users (curiously except for those who upgraded from windows).

GW vows to support current users promising a patch will be available soon. Remember to watch out for the soon to launch Machine Spirit Mobile for use in cars and other vehicles which amoung other things is prosmising the feature to drive for you, in a straight line at up to the vehicles maximum speed should the driver be incapacitated.

[Arcas]

GW's new laser pointer based on lasgun technology was taken off the shelves when customers complained that the projected spot was too dim to see unless the rooms was darkened.

[Kugis Borgir The Wiking]

To: lawyerman123@aohell.com
From: da_prez@gamesworkshop.com
Subject: For the love of the Chaos Gods, help us!

Dear McGuyver,

We seem to have hit a bit of a snag in developing the 1:1 scale Cadian armour. Apparently all our test subjects died less than 60 seconds after being fully armoured. What's worse is that apparently, we decided to put this stuff on the market before testing it. The death toll is more than we really feel like counting and now we have a bunch of lawsuits on our hands, talk about unfair. The untold billions we've made off selling plastic modles, which are actually made of crack, might not even be enough to save us, so we figured now would be a good time to get a lawyer. Enclosed is a drinking straw, rubber band and paper clip. If you can save us, you will be given a shrine next to the Golden Throne in addition to minimum wage.

Love, the Grand Master of Games Workshop

[Salami]

A service that would allow people who were dying to live on indefinately. Unfortunately, it was as a mindless, horribly mechanised servitor, or as a giant armoured dreadnought, who usually ended up killing everyone.

[Nym]

GW recently released a "plant your own Orc kit". The kit included Orc seeds and instructions on how to grow and take care of an Orc. Business analysts said that “this product was going to blow the sea monkey business out of the water, literally”. But it not do well on the market because it seemed one orc could turn in into many Orcs quickly and soon everyone was growing their own orcs. This product was also soon deemed unsafe, it seems Orcs will quickly turn on their masters when they get large enough. They have been know to mob up and be a nuisance to hole neighborhoods. GW has recalled the product but is having a hard time collecting them all and are quoted saying " this is going to get worse before it gets better"

[Soul Reaver]

GW made a life size, fully functioning lasgun. Uses included:
Warming soup.
When left on, a seat warmer.
Disco effects/pyrotechnics.
Cigarette lighter.
Paperweight.
Skeet shooting.
A cooking utensil.

However many had better ideas to do with this weapon.
Collecting (eventually you might have enough to do some damage)
Changing T.V. channels.
Selling to get funds for a better weapon.
Throwing at the enemy (may do more damage)
Looking slightly menacing.
Annoying friends by shining it in their eyes repeatedly
Burning ants.

[Dinendal]

GW made a life size, fully functioning lasgun. Uses included:
[...]
Cigarette lighter.
[...]

unfortunately you had to put the power to maximum to acheive this... so u needed to replace the energy each time... a bit cheaper to use a true lighter...

[the_wolf]

[Kandarin]

Don't forget the Nurgling School of Modeling.

[Warpseer]

Grampy Kroots' Jerky!

This attempt of GW expanding itself into the food market failed as the meat Gramps used to make this jerky could never be identified. As well the jerky caused explosive diarrhea.

[Bil123]

become a towering 8 foot tall evil lord in ten easy steps ( evil lord meaning Sauron from LOTR)
99.9% of the 1000 testers did not enjoy this project. it wa later found that the .1% that did like it was...me.

[Molotov Shadowhunter]

The "make it yourself lascannon kit" has been withdrawn after half of the national grid was taken off-line due to "Too many people using high powered equipment....."

Also many customers complained about the weight of the product and it's high recoil....

[Full Metal Geneticist]

For sale one immolator in metallic black with gold trim, one careful female driver, 230,000 miles on the clock. Fully MOT compliant. Fully accident compliant, security features include steering lock, central locking and immobiliser, Pintle mounted storm bolter and twin flamers. For the large safety conscious family who want a 4 by 4 without the added problems of rolling over on a gentle incline. Enough seating for 6 people in assorted armour.

[Morpheous]

The "Defender Power Sword" was taken off the market due to it being too powerful,it was left switched on in several occasions and started fires and was blamed for a couple of break ins into local banks.

After that got taken off the market GW decided to bring out the "One Hit WOnder Plasma-Pistol" to bring bac kthe profit they had lost through the power sword,but the plasma pistol failed and resulted in same way as the powersword but instead,people had to go to hostpital due to it being left on and it over heating and melting through the customers and their property.... a grizly tale indeed....

-Morph

[Harrison]

The GW product. Terminator Armour was taken off the market when a few nerds utterly destroyed the Chinese military. Apparently the Chinese have seized control of the company and have down sized it.