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Offline dun-rite craft world

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My short story
« on: September 23, 2005, 02:39:13 PM »
MY story



Chapter 1



   My mind was filled with thoughts of heroics and valor, foolish thoughts that could only could be the thoughts of the few who have never experienced the chaos of battle. But I guess that was me, hardly old enough to fight but egger as the crazed exarches to prove my self in battle. The warlocks always said I was too egger, I guess I was and I all ways have been and will be. My first fight of my life was to take place and I was exited, I welcomed death and feared nothing.
I was ready…

   I scanned the Harrison looking for any sign of disturbance, there was nothing, the mon-keigh where laying low. The great cannons of the mon-keigh started there unceasing bombardment, these mon-keigh have horrible aim I thought as liquefied dirt and clay rained on me and my squad hidden in a small patch of trees. Then the great guns stopped and an eerie silence took hold of the field only to be replaced by the low rumble of the crude mon-keigh tanks rolling forward and the unmistakable sound of hundreds of men marching forward in unison. “The mon-keigh are on the move” I said aloud as I scramble to grab my catapult and get into my position in the tree line.

   Guns leveled me and my squad watched the ranks of men advance like a well oiled machine, this would not last I thought, in the chaos of battle all drills are forgotten and you rely on instinct to survive. I watched in awe as the first line of mon-keigh where ripped to pieces but the mon-keigh did not seem to notice the dead and wounded where trampled by the hundreds of boots behind them. Once the men reached a place within range of there guns they split up in to squads and started to advance and shoot any thing that moves. Soon the air was thick with lasers and grenades. I watched as a shell tore a large chunk out of the squad beside me, my squad was sprayed with more than dirt and clay. I was snapped from my terrified awe when the first of the lasers flew over my heads and started to burn the forest around me. “We need back up” I yelled over the den of battle and to my surprise my yell was answered when a squad of dark reapers walked in to the forest with my squad there dark and ornate armor absorbing the lasers as the hit the black shimmering surface. I was blown away by the amount of fire power three solders could produce, rocket after rocket slammed in to the squads of humans, bits of mon-keigh where blown high in to the air. Nothing was more impressive than exarch his great arcane launcher vaporized four humans and blew a large chunk out of advancing tank. A hell hound shot a jet of flame in to the forest where I was holding my ground, all three dark reapers where fried by the flame there armor turning red hot. The air smelt of burning flesh as I noticed the trees around me burning hot and the screams of my comrades pierced the battle and turned the dead. I scrabbled out of the forest in to a solid wall of bayonets what whey did I prefer to die, at the hands of my enemies or smolder in the fire behind me. Well I made my mind, turned around and sprinted back into the fire. I only got so far before I turned around and let off a burst of razor sharp spikes I watched as a mon-keigh slumped with my spikes in his belly. I turned and ran as fast as I could as I realized the battle was lost. After along while I made it back to the warp gate and dove through it, I landed in a slump at the feet of a stranger I recognized immediately I was frozen with shock at what I saw.   

   

Any comments would be nice and constructive criticism is great to i need the help.
Space marins have heavy bolters we got star cannon fair...

Offline RAVEN KRW

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Re: My short story
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2005, 06:31:37 PM »
Well I thought the story was ok.
A little short but know doubt you have more to come.

Good work.
I enjoyed it.

 


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