Topic: Chastity

[-Makenshi-]

To begin with I'm pretty sure chastity is a unisexual word, if it isn't then I am talking about both genders anyway.

Simply put I've been wondering how many of you out there believe in chastity and how many don't.

I'm not looking for simple yes and no's as we rarely fully agree with something.

For example, I myself am not a part of any religion however I believe in the ideals of chastity to an extent. I think for some waiting until after marriage doesn't work, but I, equally, am not fond of the idea of one-night-stands etc.

Then again this is all coming from a fairly Naive 16/17 year old who has little to no experience in relationships, let alone sex. The above are the values that I hold however, a mixture of second hand experience, talking with others and my own up-bringing have made them what they are.

Anyway, I'd also like to keep this from being an Athiest Vs Religion thread, if it degenerates in any way, shape or form I'll lock it.

~MTWC

[Wargamer]

Personally, I'd rather wait to sleep with someone I really care about at 25 (or older...) than get laid by some slut at 16...

[-Makenshi-]

Personally, I'd rather wait to sleep with someone I really care about at 25 (or older...) than get laid by some slut at 16...

Can't say I disagree with that either, although what you said above reminds me  how 'slutty' (for lack of a better term) my generation seems to be.

~MTWC

[Calus Drakin]

Well, as you often hear, there are plenty of good reasons to wait. STD's, pregnancy and the like.

I'm 23 ( 24 in another month or so ) and still waiting. Although not so much because I want to be. Been asking girls out since 8th grade and just had my first date the week before I turned 21, and haven't had another one since.  

But I do agree with some of the values of chastity, I would prefer to be with someone I care about that cares about me. Not waiting until after marriage necessarily, but at least until I'm in a caring relationship.

I actually think it's kinda funny, because so often I hear my friends complaining about how long it's been since they got any, and it doesn't bother me because I don't know what I'm missing  

As for above, I don't know if it's really fair to refer to the whole generation as slutty, it's just like politicians, a couple of the worst ones giving the rest a bad name

[Wargamer]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not hard-line about sex. My view is "if you're willing, do it"... so it wouldn't bother me if 13 year olds did it... providing they weren't doing it with people much older than themselves (otherwise we get a bit to "Michael Jackson" about the whole thing).

However, I want sex to mean something to me other than physical gratification. I mean come on, if all you want is an orgasm, you can masturbate (applies for both genders). Hence I don't sleep with people, nor try to. I've not met anyone who I'd want to spend my life with, so I'm willing to wait for now.

Plus, at 19, the old hormones don't gag for it as much as they did.

[-Makenshi-]

As for above, I don't know if it's really fair to refer to the whole generation as slutty, it's just like politicians, a couple of the worst ones giving the rest a bad name

It was a generalisation but what you say is true anyway, however it seems to be a growing trend and worries me personally.

~MTWC

[Ranger Astheria]

I don't think waiting till marriage is necessary, if not naive in itself.

I think it needs to be someone you feel especially strong about and have been in a relationship for a long period of time with and feel comfortable to the most utmost point.  It should never be done just to do it (till you're married then do whatever you want).  But premarital sex is something that if done needs to be appreciated in my mind.

[Keetom]

I think its important that people realise there is no perfect moment. You know when you're ready. For some of my friends that was 15 and for others it hasn't happenned yet. For me it was 17 and I was dead sure I was ready. That's the thing I don't understand; girls and guys who feel they have to do it for some reason.

I don't agree with no sex before marriage simply because it is a very important part of a relationship. Imagine getting married to someone and then finding out they are really really bad in bed. Don't pin me down as shallow or anything, but too many people deny the importance of sex as one of the cohesive factors in a relationship. Bad personal relations lead to pent up emotions and resentment IMO. It's like marrying somone before you have lived together. They could be a complete slob and you might not have even known and now you're married to them.

Also, there are plenty of easy guys out there as well, although girls now a days are led to believe that they should dress like 18 year olds when they are 12 (in England anyway).

[Lord of Winter and War]

I personally would only do it when it is with someone who I have strong feelings for and I can wait. But Alot of kids (most of the 'cool boys mostly) my age are constantly talking about how they want to sleep with her, or bone that that person, or how that they have done it with last week. I think that is kinda uncivil and odd for kids around 16 to be wantign to have sex constantly at my age, also at my school there are more then a couple girls who are pregnent already. I don't know if this is only how it is in the states but it's kinda odd.

[Calus Drakin]

Yes, it is an integral part of a relationship that seems to get downplayed quite a bit. Although it is up to the individuals involved more then anything else.

It doesn't bother me too much that the number of people having sex in high school is increasing. What bothers me is the rate at which the age of people doing it is dropping. A lot of kids are doing it in even Jr. High now.  

My cousin was pregnant at 16, she barely got to graduate. Her bf was 19 and a confessed criminal.  So it's not just an issue that it's the people in high school sleeping with people in high school. It's older guys that get off on the ideal that the younger they are the better 

[Keetom]

Yeah, I know of a few girls from my school days who now have babas. One of my best friends has a little baby boy now, not even a year old. She's 19. She got pregnant when she was 14 but had a termination. Put it down to family troubles - her parents moved around alot and she was shared between CA and UK for a while.

Appart from cases where there is a lack of love/attention in the family, I think its a matter of common sense and also self respect. Girls need to stop looking  at themselves as a piece of meat. Unfortunately you only need to look at the most popular music videos to find out where those messages are coming from.

[-Makenshi-]

My cousin was pregnant at 16, she barely got to graduate. Her bf was 19 and a confessed criminal.  So it's not just an issue that it's the people in high school sleeping with people in high school. It's older guys that get off on the ideal that the younger they are the better 

That is, unfortunately, an ingrained aspect of society, it is more acceptable that older men sleep with younger women but not that older women sleep with younger men. It is considered odd and 'not quite right'.

Although we've kind of improved, we don't have 16 year olds marrying 30 year olds much any more...

EDIT-

Appart from cases where there is a lack of love/attention in the family, I think its a matter of common sense and also self respect. Girls need to stop looking  at themselves as a piece of meat. Unfortunately you only need to look at the most popular music videos to find out where those messages are coming from.

Exactly my opinion, it seems to me to be the root cause of the 'slutyness' I reffered to above.

Note- I'm using 'slutyness' etc. as unisexual terms as there is no negative equivelant to male sexual behavior .

~MTWC

[Wargamer]

I personally would only do it when it is with someone who I have strong feelings for and I can wait. But Alot of kids (most of the 'cool boys mostly) my age are constantly talking about how they want to sleep with her, or bone that that person, or how that they have done it with last week. I think that is kinda uncivil and odd for kids around 16 to be wantign to have sex constantly at my age, also at my school there are more then a couple girls who are pregnent already. I don't know if this is only how it is in the states but it's kinda odd.

There is a well-documented fact about this: Teenagers who boast about their sexual conquests are more virgin than Mary.

[-Makenshi-]

There's also soem interesting statistics I heard, can't remember the exact numbers but it was along the lines of this:

16-19 year olds were asked if they had had sex before they were 16, 88% of the boys asked said yes. On the other hand 12% of the girls said yes.

This seems to proove American Pie's 'Rule Of Three' , otherwise those girls must have been real busy.

~MTWC

[Col. Or'es'o (retired)]

Chastity, ergh!

Valuing sexual innocence (and by converse, rebelling teens valuing sexual experience) is just a relic. Sex should be something people do, not something they are.

Having sex doesnt mean you lose anything substantial, and to be blunt, its just not that magically special and its something people can learn to get better at.
So, if you really want to impress your partner on your wedding night, then present them with some experience and dont glorify the lack of it.

I mean, apply the same attitude to any other aspect of life and you'll soon see the silliness.


"Dude! Its just a wargame, Warhammer 40k is just not that important!"
"Not important to you maybe, but im saving myself for someone special"
"But you dont know the rules, dont you think its gonna be a pretty rubbish game when you finally get round to it?"
"No of course not, because I will gain a mystical bond with my partner that will garentee a great game"
"So who exactly are you waiting for?"
"My soul mate obviously, if I have my first game with them then somehow that will give our relationship extra meaning"
"Yeah but who?"
"I was thinking a Dark Eldar player..."
"... you really know nothing about 40k do you?"
"Thats the point, but im sure my mystical bond will enable me to work out what im meant to do with these dice things for instance..."

 

[Wargamer]

Interesting... but sex is different to most things. For one, it is driven powerfully by instinct, and I have learned, through many unpleasant experiences, that things that seem a good idea at the time never are the next morning. Sex always seems a good idea at the time... that's the problem.

[Aronious]

Well, personally, I believe that sex is an important part of a relationship, but is also an act of maturity. Which is why I believe it isn't right to have sex, when a person is immature (both mentally and physically). However, if I had a girlfriend and she believed in chastity, then I would wait and see if we got married. So, I guess you could say I'm strictly neutral about it. It's also nothing to be bragging about, and kids who are 14-16 should not be taking part in sex. Of course, there are other things that are physically intimate, but also not sex. Sex is also a part of human nature, but now there are consequences for it. So a point that works for both sides: You don't see lions, who are very very frequently active in sex-making, wearing condoms- but they also don't get sexually transmitted diseases.*

*- correct me if I'm wrong.

[Col. Or'es'o (retired)]

Thats true, I was being flippant.
Im not suggesting that sex can only be as important as a game of 40k, im just saying that theres no reason to expect it to be important all the time. If you want a meaningful relationship with someone then the emotional investment should be its own reward, sex should just be an expression of that (hopefully amongst many others).

The whole guilt thing the next morning is a relic about being spoiled or some such, so just ignore it as it doesnt mean anything. I mean, you can regret it if it was a, er, bad game, or its going to have bad consequences or some such, but not just because you gave into your instincts in a purely consensual environment and had fun doing it. Thats just insane.

[rogueviper]

I personally don't care. Sex like everything else is choice. If you are ready to accept the consequences of your actions then go for it. just be aware that you risk pregnancy, stds, guilt (potentially), etc... sex special though. generally sleeping with someone can awaken feelings inside of you you didn't think that you had for someone. you might get attached. If it was a one night stand they might not be and leave. you get hurt. if you think you're ready then why not. however, being a 19 year old guy, if i were single (can't be cheating on the girlfriend, not good for promoting a stable relationship.) and a young lady (my age) presented herself for a fling I'd have a hard time saying no. And in these circumstances liquor or or intoxicants are generally involved.

Cheers

Mitch

[Captain F. Bunny]

From a 15 year old, Chaste as the pope:

Teenagers having sex isn't gonna go away. Just had a friend get herself pregnant not too long ago. It's in the culture. Sex to some teenagers (well, drawn from experiences with people i know from school) is a crazy amazing thing that they are rushing to do like orks to a scrap.
That's not to say all teens are like that. Some people i know have rather mature attitudes to sex.

I dunno. My opinion? to each his/her own. I disagree with 14 year olds having sex willy-nilly, but we can't always stop that. Just tell them that it's what it is and hope that it gets through to some of them.