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Author Topic: Harlequin fluff.  (Read 450 times)

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Offline Flash_hound

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Harlequin fluff.
« on: September 16, 2003, 04:27:17 PM »
No that is to complicated.... and just from fluff harliquens would laugh it off...

Here is some fluff

The night was cold.  Death was on the air.  They never had a chance.  Screams errupted from the Mon-keigh base.  For no one to hear.  All was silent again.  The harliquens are always watching.  You have no defence.  You are always doomed...

So how was that did it mystey enough to be a harliquen thing?

Here is my second fluff....

[Inquisitor file loading]
[ID card excepted]
[Uploading date M38.987]
[The death of Commander Endfer]
Among the field of battle there has been a tale.  A great tale of a colored army which kills with no mercy.  They laugh as the kill with a joyful glee.  Here is one of there battle reports the year was M38.987.  The time was 9:12 P.M. Terra time.  The battle of eelnok IV was going well the Eldar Primitaves were all but disbanded.  As the commander came toward there last hold there was a blur.  A squad of Space Marines turned and fell back.  A chill of horror went through the air.  Another blur.  Another squad of space marines started to fall back.  A more eerie feeling came then a battle cry of Vetran Sergent Isor was herd followed by screaming.  Commander Endfer told the army to pull back.  As they did so they saw the remains of the Two tactical squads that had fallen back.  Then there was more of a swirling malee.  Then a single shot flew from the blur it went straight into Endfers neck where his armor was weak.  He paused for a moment there was a couple of popping noices then his armor blue up shards of power armor went flying killing almost all of the squad.  Everyone fled of the 100 space marines sent to Eelnok IV 3 survived to tell this tale they were awarded terminator honors for the bravery.  Then killed by the Inquisitation for telling of the Harliquens.
[logging out]
[erasing trails]
[shuting down machine spirit]

Offline Alex of Xen

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Re:Harlequin fluff.
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2003, 10:03:06 PM »
Pretty decent stuff there.  Sounds like it should be a part of a Battle report (ya know, the interesting ones that have a genuine narrative).  Although that second one (heh, I never actually finished it until now) ends rather abruptly.  

Archangel Xen
« Last Edit: September 18, 2003, 04:56:21 PM by ArchangelXen »

Offline Rhņanin

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Re:Harlequin fluff.
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2003, 10:40:58 PM »
I like the first one alot, its short enough so making it more poetic might be interesting ...

The second one is a little choppy in places.  I like the hidden meanings though, just do a little editting.

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Offline Rasmus

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Re:Harlequin fluff.
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2003, 02:39:22 AM »
The second one does seem choppy to me as well. Perhaps if the report was timestamped as per event one could read is more easily?

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Offline Flash_hound

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Re:Harlequin fluff.
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2003, 03:40:10 PM »
K I will make the appropriate changes then post them in an edit on this post right here


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