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Author Topic: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure  (Read 6623 times)

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Offline Pershore

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40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« on: October 15, 2010, 01:17:02 PM »
40K Choose Your Own Adventure is an award-winning role-playing game set in the grim darkness of the far future.  You take the role of Bob the inquisitorial stormtrooper.  Being an inquisitorial stormtrooper is fun, the inquisitor says so!  Many traitors, mutants, heretics and witches threaten the imperium of man, your job is to root them out.  Routing out the enemies of the imperium will make you happy, the inquisitor told you so!  Stormtroopers get shot out, stabbed, mangled, incinerated, poisoned, stapled, blown to bits and accidentally executed.  This is so much fun that many stormtroopers go crazy!  You work with many stormtroopers.  They all carry lasguns.  Aren't you glad you have a lasgun too?  Won't this be fun?

It is 5:30am and your room klaxon erupts, shattering your fond dreams of life back on the deathworld.  You are on the imperial cruiser Massive Retaliation and have been summoned to the inquisitorial briefing room.  The last time someone was late for a briefing the inquisitor declared them a heretic and they were executed.  What do you want to do?
1) Run to the briefing room
2) Run to the munitorium
3) Go back to sleep
4) Write in with alternative option
« Last Edit: October 15, 2010, 01:19:30 PM by Pershore »

Offline Farseer Arendil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2010, 02:06:57 PM »
2) Run to the munitorium
Besides, the FW DCCW is too damn awesome not to put it on a ven dread... Holy Moly! You know something? that's not even a proper DA ven dread; its a generic ven dread with a RW icon plastered on one side after half the icon's wing has been cut away, pathetic! :P

Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2010, 02:42:14 PM »
Ok, you've reached the munitorium.  The techpriests are testing various weapons and equipment.  You hear las discharges, the deafening sound of bolters firing, the occasional scream as something misfires.  A techpriest approaches you.  Do you:
1) Request a standard issue lasgun
2) Request a hellgun
3) Ask the techpriest if he has any advanced experimental weapons that need field testing
4) Write in with an alternative option

Offline Farseer Arendil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2010, 02:54:26 PM »
3) I want some crazy experimental weaponry.
Besides, the FW DCCW is too damn awesome not to put it on a ven dread... Holy Moly! You know something? that's not even a proper DA ven dread; its a generic ven dread with a RW icon plastered on one side after half the icon's wing has been cut away, pathetic! :P

Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2010, 03:03:28 PM »
"Ah", the techpriest rasps in approval, "Omnissiah bless you.  Most of stormtroopers have stopped requesting experimental equipment after the incident with the voice activated rocket boots".  The techpriest lays out a selection of weapons and hands you a field evaluation pack.  Don't forget, the imperium is counting on you to provide detailled feedback on the operation of your experimental weaponry!  Do you take:

1) The reverse-engineered eldar d-cannon (completely imperial construction, no original xeno technology present, guaranteed)
2) The man-portable thunderfire cannon (now with enhanced recoil dampening, after the last field test)
3) The jokero digital contact lenses (what you see is what you shoot!)
4) Write in with an alternative option

Offline Farseer Arendil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2010, 03:26:44 PM »
1) hooray for reverse engineered Eldar D Cannons!
Besides, the FW DCCW is too damn awesome not to put it on a ven dread... Holy Moly! You know something? that's not even a proper DA ven dread; its a generic ven dread with a RW icon plastered on one side after half the icon's wing has been cut away, pathetic! :P

Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2010, 04:32:23 PM »
Feeling less than manly with your effete eldar weaponry, but ready to blast some mutants with the power of the warp, you thank the tech-priest and hurry out.  You're going to be late for the inquisitorial briefing!  What do you do?
1) run for the briefing room
2) run back to bed
3) commandeer a transport from a passing civilian and hit the turboboost
4) Write in with an alternative option
« Last Edit: October 15, 2010, 04:35:17 PM by Pershore »

Offline Farseer Arendil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2010, 05:06:43 PM »
1) to the briefing room!
Besides, the FW DCCW is too damn awesome not to put it on a ven dread... Holy Moly! You know something? that's not even a proper DA ven dread; its a generic ven dread with a RW icon plastered on one side after half the icon's wing has been cut away, pathetic! :P

Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2010, 02:46:57 AM »
The briefing room is packed with about 30 stormtroopers.  As you enter the inquisitor points at you with his powerfisted hand.  "BOB!  Why are you late?  Tardiness is the first sign of a lack of devotion to the Emperor!"  How do you respond?
1) Sorry, I overslept
2) Sorry, I was praying to the Emperor
3) Sorry, the chaos cult meeting overran
4) Write in with an alternative option

Offline jawmonkey

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2010, 02:56:04 AM »
Just a thought, but JamBob's Fett's probably going to kill this...

4) Respond, "I was arming myself appropriately, thanks to techpriest [insert name], I am ready to give the foes of the Emperor such a pinch!".
Throwing feces in the eye of insolence.

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Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2010, 01:11:20 PM »
The inquistor looks at you sternly.  "An inquisitorial stormtrooper should be prepared to unleash massive violence at all times, not at 15 minutes notice.  Go to the munitorium in your own time in future".  You can tell you've got a black mark in your copy book now, but at least he hasn't squashed your head with that power fist, like the last late guy.

The inquistor briefs the assembled stormtroopers.  There's three missions he needs doing, you'd better volunteer for one and do a great job to re-earn his trust.  Do you:

a) Volunteer to investigate the reported genestealer infestation on the hive world Selva IV?
b) Volunteer to uncover the suspected chaos cult on the imperial cruiser Massive Retaliation - this very ship?
c) Volunteer to provide support to Grey Knights about to attack Azathoth, a demon world in Segmentum Obscurus?

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2010, 01:21:24 PM »
better take the easy job bob thinks to himself

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Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2010, 02:10:58 PM »
Excellent, you're already in situ, so you should have this case wrapped up in time for tea.  Where do you want to investigate first?

1) The upper decks, where the nobility live
2) The lower decks, where the scum (like you) live
3) The engine decks, mostly abandoned, except for the by the desperate
4) Write in with an alternative option

Offline Farseer Arendil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2010, 03:56:50 PM »
3) Let's go see if we can find some douchebaggery in the engine decks.
Besides, the FW DCCW is too damn awesome not to put it on a ven dread... Holy Moly! You know something? that's not even a proper DA ven dread; its a generic ven dread with a RW icon plastered on one side after half the icon's wing has been cut away, pathetic! :P

Offline jawmonkey

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2010, 04:17:31 AM »
Oh yeah Vany? Well I'm taking option #1, so there!

1) The upper decks, where the nobility live
Throwing feces in the eye of insolence.

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Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #15 on: October 19, 2010, 05:30:25 AM »
Sorry, 40K Choose Your Own Adventure uses the award winning 'fastest finger first' mechanic, so Bob is heading to the engine decks.

The engine decks are illuminated by the red glow of the emergency lighting, but only barely.  Everything is encrusted with the filth of centuries.  Shadows lurk in every corner.  The deep throb of the engines is omnipresent.  You occasionally see a servo skull or servitor shuffling about and performing basic maintenance tasks, but they seem oblivious to your presence.  Ahead, you briefly glimpse a figure dressed in rags.  Seeing you it shambles off in the opposite direction.  What do you do?

1) Shout, "Stop in the name of the Inquisition!" and give chase?
2) Shout, "Stop in the name of the Inquisition!" and blast him or her with your reverse engineered D-Cannon?
3) Ignore the figure and head to the Geller field generator, as you know cultists love those?
4) Do something else?

Offline The Guy in the Blue Chair Named Phil

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #16 on: October 19, 2010, 06:57:06 AM »
I Choose 2)
IN THE NAME OF THE INQUISITION! DIE! *pew pew pew*
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Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #17 on: October 19, 2010, 07:13:51 AM »
Good plan!  Ok, first I need to make an experimental weapons check...  Hmmm :/  So now I have to roll on the warp accident table...  Uhhh :(

You level the reverse engineered D-Cannon at the fleeing form.  It's quite hard to find the trigger on this thing so you press a few of the buttons experimentally.  There is a horrific rending sound as the warp momentarily engulfs the fleeing figure.  Momentarily right?  D-Cannons are supposed to make a hole in reality for only a moment right?!  Right!?!  Well why is that big spinning orb of darkness still there?  A Daemonette steps out onto the deck.  You have summoned a Daemonette.  What do you do?

1) Complete your field evaluation form for the reverse engineered D-Cannon?
2) Scream "FOR THE EMPEROR!!!" and get the charge in on the Daemonette?
3) Scream "FOR SLAANESH!!!" and kiss the Daemonette?
4) Something else?

Offline Chie Satonaka

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #18 on: October 19, 2010, 09:59:29 AM »
I got to go with 1) Complete your field evaluation form for the reverse engineered D-Cannon.

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Offline Pershore

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Re: 40K Choose Your Own Adventure
« Reply #19 on: October 19, 2010, 10:28:05 AM »
You hastily scribble how disappointed you are in the lack of clear labelling on the various buttons of the D-Cannon just before your head is severed from your shoulders in one powerful snip of the Daemonette's claw.

YOU ARE DEAD

Final score:
+1 Died in the service of the Emperor
+1 Completed field evaluation of experimental weaponry
+1 Survived mission briefing
-1 Failed to uncover chaos cult
-5 Unleashed daemon infestation on unwary imperial cruiser
-1 Failed to report for mission debriefing

You have scored -4 of a possible 100 points.

Play again? y/n

 


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