1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs, who get's A+ practically all the time. And if you slip to a B, your parents yell at you. [This is SO true]
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance
3. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than one Master's
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times
12. You boil water before drinking [but then again, so does every other sane person]
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods [why waste time and washing?]
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage
16. You have a rice cooker [we have two. One doubles as a congee cooker]
17. You're a wok user
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill [it's something to be proud of]
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. Your don't dryclean cloths, even if they need to be drycleaned
22. You iron your own shirts
23. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs (Song1 Hua1 egg)
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full [credit rating is typically 'A', and credit card companies hate you]
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water
29. You hate to waste food
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
30. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs,
takeout containers, and jam jars
31. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get take out or go to McDonald's
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself
38. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool
39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Loblaw's is next door
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached
44. You never call your parents just to say hi
45. Your parents send money to their relatives in China
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places
48. You've joined a CD club at least once
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents
51. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
52. Your dad is some sort of engineer
53. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15 [heh heh...those were the days...]
54. You ask your parents to help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing [somehow wandering off to politics or Asian history]
55. You have a 40lb. bag of rice in your pantry
56. At sometime in your life you've felt short [dammitall!]
57. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese", no matter what part of Asia your
ancestors were from
58. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
59. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend's kids
60. You've had to sit through karaoke vidoes with scantily clad, ugly
Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library
61. Your parent's say,"don't forget your heritage"
62. You drive mostly Japanese cars
63. You've learned to keep barganing even if the prices are rock>bottom
64. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs [no comment]
65. At least once, you've started a joke with,"confucius said...."
66. You know what bok choy is
67. You've ever gotten little red envelopes around February......
68. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and
closet doors
69. You hear your name plus eee (optional) plus ya! everytime
someone calls you (ex. Jean-ee-yah or Mary-yah)>
71. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian>languages like the ever-so-popular:"ching chong ching....ect..."
72. Carry at least 1000 of pictures with you wherever you go; pictures
of only Asians
73. The bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii)
was last night's dinner
74. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher
75. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
76. Your parents hover over your tired, caffine-drgged body at 12
midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more"
77. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with anyone off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
78. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask:"Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
79. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs, or both
80. Your parents say, "Calculus! ? I thook calculus in 8th grade!!"
81. Everyone thinks you're good at math, except your parents who think you're slow
82. Your parent's vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's"
83. You like $1.75 movies
84. You like $1.50 movies even more
85. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with
fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green
86. Your parents insist you marry within your race
87. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
88. You either really really want to go to UC or really really want to
stay away from it
89. Your parents have never kissed you
90. Your parents have never kissed each other
91. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than>your
parents.
92. You hear: "You want a stereo! ? When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
93. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and asks you to translate
94. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle"
95. You have 12+ aunts and uncles [ I have 32 known Uncles and Aunts, plus 72 Cousins]
96. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
97. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "See? Still good. Eat."
98. The vast majority of the peole related to you wear glasses, thick glasses
99. You will most likely be taller than your parents
100. Your parents have either made you play the piano, violin, or both [Violin. I always hated it though...never mind that I have talent!]
101. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't [dammit!]
102. When going to other people's houses, you always have to bring a gift
103. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones
with the blue and pink strips at the top
104. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both
105. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV
106. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the
carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture
107. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange smelling unkown
substances in your pantry used as medicine [foul stuff, but they work]
108. You know exactly why chopsticks and the ceramic spoon are superior to the westerner's metal spoon and fork.
109. You buy soy sauce by the gallon
110. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head [we're not kidding]
111. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school,
how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they
still appreciated going [all the bloody time, yo]
112.Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you>can
"grow into it" and wear it for "years to come"
113. Your head burns in the summertime [So damned true...]
114. People automatically think you know some form of martial arts [correctly...]
115. You and you're parents are talking normally, you're friends ask why is your mom screaming at you?
116. Amend to above: You're quiet all the time, but louder at home.
117. All your non-asian friends (if you have any) love chinese food, while you're sick of it
118. Somehow teachers expect you to be smart
119. Complete strangers ask, "Do you speak English?" [very....VERY annoying]
120. You say "Ha?" instead of "What?"
121. You sometimes pretend not to know English when you're trying to get rid of someone. [Works most of the time]
122. You look enough like Bruce Lee that when you get in a fight, all you have to do is squint your eyes and howl to scare people. [Erm....no comment]
123. There's a Karaoke machine in your basement, hooked up to a big-ass TV, complete with surround sound. [I'm not kidding]
124. You like new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff.
125. You look at your friend and see that he has the same HAIRCUT as you. [This is SAD]
126. You tap on the table when someone is pouring you tea.
127. People assume you know how to break dance
128. There's a garden in your backyard with various tasteless melons.
129. 90% of your meals are stir fried.
130. You feel mildly offended when someone hands you a fork.
You know you are Japanese if...
You're obsessed with your hair, your car, and your clothes
You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
You're afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you are Korean if...
You smoke and drink too much.
You've got a bottle of Kimchi in your fridge.
You're afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you are Chinese if...
You think you're the smartest people in the world.
You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
You're afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you are Vietnamese if...
You eat at restaurants that have "Pho" on their signboards.
You have some relative who is Chinese.
You're afraid of black people.
You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you are Filipino if...
You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
Some member of your family is a politician or a movie star.
You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is cool enough just by itself.
You know you are Thai if...
People offer to pay you for sex.
No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
You're not afraid of black people, cause in some cases you're scarier than they are.
You know in your heart you'll never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
You know you are Malaysian if...
You don't believe anything the newspapers tell you, but would never say so in public.
The whole world (and George Soros) is out to destroy you and your country.
You would never admit to being afraid of black people, because it might disrupt racial harmony.
You don't think you are superior to other Asians, but your food, culture, english, humor, etc is.
You know you are Singaporean if...
You eat, sleep, smile and have sex according to Government policy.
You don't think Lee Kuan Yew is a facist dictator.
Government policy is that you shouldn't be afraid of black people so you aren't.
You know you are superior to all other Asians, cause the Government says so.
Gosh....they sure know us pretty well....
Edit: In retro-spect, this is probably the wrong crowd to share this with....
