Topic: The Proving Grounds

[Impervious]

"I think I would like to tell the River of RRRAAAGGGEEEE a nice, little story.

North American Ingenuity

Once upon a time, Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channelled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, The End (but its not).

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results: TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses.

And, it left all the poor people in the United States with this."

[Guildmage Aech]

"I think the content is supposed to be rage inducing, not just about being angry." Ashman pointed out to Hymirl.
"I was offering a tribute to rage, not rage itself.." Hymirl explains while Telemnar seems to be waving a phone around and babbling non-sensically, "I was going for the high brow approach" He finishes confidently in the attempt that if he sounded like he knew what he was talking about it might work.

At that point the farseer's phone slipped away from his broken limbs and into the river... "Nice work Boss, mobile phones are pretty raging inducing and losing one in a river is really really likely to cause some-one to lose it when they lose all their messages and phone numbers." He shifts the crippled seer into a slightly more comfortable position.

"Back to plan A! FULL THRUST!" Lighting up his jumpboosters in a howl of jet turbine and afterburners (because as everyone knows all anime robots can fly), he attempts to jump accross the river in one go with the venerable Telemnar on board.

[jawmonkey]

The Monkey God shakes the drug-induced illusions from his head and steps up to the banks of the river.

"I thought this was the river of RAAAGGGEEE, I can piss more violently than this! I suppose it wants a tribute before letting the MONKEY KING, TRICKSTER GOD pass, as if I should beg..."

The Monkey God places his hands on his knees and begins to vomit into the stream; spilling blood, feces, and a squeaky toy into the raging waters below him.

"There is your tribute piss trickle! My very nature and life-calling is to enrage others! I respect no authority, no higher logic. I respect nothing and ridicule all of reality! I am the maker of spam and infomercials, the flaming bag of doo on your doorstep! Let me pass or so help me I'll spam this dump straight into the graveyard! RAAWWWOOOOOO!!!!"

The Monkey God punches his chest continually until reaching behind him, retrieving a slimy mass, and throws it with spite into the waters. The Monkey follows his second offering with a third; spitting a gob of bile and blood into the waters.

With fists clinched and breathing heavily with anger the Monkey God awaits the waters answer...

[Salami]

"I feel I should tell you that the River of RAAAAAAAAAAGE isn't American. He also doesn't pay taxes, although that's just because he's an rather unsavoury chap, what-ho old bean?."

[Tyranid_Wannabe]

"Uh huh" mutters T_W. It seemed he needed to work on his shooting a tad bit more. Somehow he had managed to shoot himself in the chest and through Thal's arm.

"Eh sorry about that Thal. I think I might have missed just a tiny bit. I guess that headwind must have been too strong...... or the fact that I'm a terrible shot.

Then they both awkwardly made their way to the river to make tribute. Which was actually quite difficult seeing as if one moved too fast or slow they would lose another handful of flesh and in T_W's case a mix of bodily organs as well.

"Oh River of Rage may I present to you a humble tribute of song"

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=rZmxeBin8M8&feature=related

As you may be aware, Basshunter is an awesome musician, however this song I present is soiled in the fact that it is the english redone version instead of the swedish awesomeness. Boten Anna I salute you. As T_W spoke he grimaced as the song played.

[azore24]

"Aww, crap.  Why did I even begin to think that this would all be in one thread.  These things always are in multiple threads.  Why didn't my teammates tell me these sorts of things?"

Azore then began to phase out of his material form and sought to reform at the bank of the River of RAAAAGGGGEEE based upon the map given.  Listening to Seer Fox's instructions, unlike the gun-jumpers, he also began to search the intertubes for RAAAAGGGGEEE worthy stuff.

[ooc]Azore of Ath-Ron[/ooc]

[Pvt. Dancer]

Is the survival of wrist-cutting teenager emo-culture enough to induce rage? Self-centered people who disrupt one's day by showing them they're depressed and can not cope with everyday life, not mentioning social life! I bet even the Green team would agree with me on this! - Pvt. Dancer
SMITES picture (which he did not make himself!) in the river of RAAAAGGGEEE!

[Thalandir]

"AAAARRRRGHHHH!" yelled Thalandir in rage at seeing the disgusting emos (funnily enough I think I saw this pic on Myspace in a blog about how Emos are wrecking everything)

"Yes, Private Dancer," communicated Thalandir, via thought waves. "The survival of this stupid fad is sufficient to produce RAAAAGGGEEE in anyone. Gah, if I had the power to remove this stupid culture from the Earth, I would. These people are the most selfish and self-centered kids on this Earth - and one of the horrible facts about it is that a whole lot of the 'culture' is based around these stupid kids wanting to act like they're 5 or something years older than they really are, and claiming that they 'love' each other etc etc, when in fact this 'love' that they all claim that they have in abundance is really just passionate lust and sexual tension. 'Oh noooo, you're breaking my heart!' What the hell does that even mean? I know emos that have their 'hearts broken' on a weekly basis. *sighs*
These kids have no respect for authority or, actually, anything really, they just lack respect full stop. Their entire lives revolve around what they want, and far too often do I see weak-minded kids dragged into this culture because the real fad these days seems to be just that - conforming. The kids have no discipline and as such fall right into this snare trap of conforming to a culture that is completely unhealthy and just plain wrong.
But you wanna know the most annoying thing? Most decades in our history have had their own little 'fads', the 60s were the hippy years, 70s, 80s and 90s all had their own little things, but what's this decade (or the next two???) gonna be remembered for? Emoness (and this 'scene' thing that seems to stem from Emoness).
I can just imagine myself when I'm a parent, some years from now. My future son will say to me, "Daddy, what was it like when you were a kid?"
"Well, son, there were a lot of kids who liked to conform to this culture where people dyed their hair black and wore horrendous amounts of eye shadow. And they would sit around all day with this dull apathetic aura about them, and cry some and write sad poetry. And then cry some more. Oh, and they would all wear these stupid flannelette shirts that would make them all appear to be like little farmers, except these kids wouldn't know a hard days work if it smacked them across their make-up ridden faces. So yeah, that's what it was like growing up in my era."

Thalandir sighed after having delivered said rant to everyone via thought waves. "So, if that picture and the survival of emo culture isn't enough to allow you to pass the river of RAAAAGGGEEE, Private Dancer, then I don't know what will.



This rant was brought to you by Truquar Elenzar Thalandir, slaying Emos everywhere!

[jawmonkey]

That pic does indeed seem to inflict rage, curious...

[Shade, Bankai King]

  Shade truly was ashamed when he slammeed into the wate. He resurfaced in time to hear/understand Foxies words. H quickly searched through his many file banks, searching fro an image that would inspire the proper RRRRAAAGGGEEE!. After many mintues of searching he finally found one he thought would enrage any sane being. He projected the image through his holoprojectors.

  "I give you former President George Walker Bush."

http://iacmusic.com/Uploads/118887_10_4_2008_9_41_53_AM_-_George_W_Bush.jpg

[taupro777]

After spending much time daydreaming of Carmen Elektra, John finally snapped to his senses and realized that he had indeed arrived at the Proving Grounds!  Looking around, he noticed the river of RAAAAGGGEEEE and heard the last snippets of the speech of a fox in a ghosthelm.  Scratching his head in an annoying way, he decided that he would try to help his team, for once.  Reaching into his pocket... He lazily grapped his cell phone.  After finishing a text to his girlfriend, however, he pulled out a picture of THIS!

http://moldychum.typepad.com/moldy_chum/images/carrottop.jpg

[TagniK'ZuR]

Tagnik'zur looked around uneasily at his companions standing on the riverbank with him, "Well, it would seem that the river needs time to digest all that rage. I suppose we could use this time to strategise. Whoever of us is fastest and strongest, should probably go after Khemri asap, this might or night not be Cain, depending on how the water has affected his flying ability."
Seeing dim little lightbulbs trying to come alight above everyones heads, he continued "I'm a decent swimer, and I'm guessing Azore can sort of float over the river, how about the rest of you, would any of you have trouble crossing the river, like the monkey on the other team?"

[Tyranid_Wannabe]

"Well apart from the fact that I seem to be attached to Thal, if we can get some good sychronized swimming going we should be fine. Also remember my friend green is the way to go."

[Thalandir]

"Yes, green is definitely the way to go," chimed in Thalandir. "Oh, and my greatest talents are psychic powers and knocking things over, so say the word and I can fry the other team with lightning. And for funsies, I'll make sure I light the Atheist on fire"

"Tyranid, I think this link between us might create some interesting combat situations. Just imagine the crazy synchronised fighting moves we could pull off. Provided we don't drown....."

[Seer Fox]

Again, sorry for the delay. Provided there are no more site crashes, things should be resuming their regular schedule now.

By the by, guys in the river can’t bail themselves out. They are far too angry. I thought this was common knowledge, but I guess I musta confuzzled some of you.

Oh, and you don’t have to go through the course as a team either, those who can run ahead probably should run ahead. It’s a race afterall, so for those able to get to the entrance of the maze at the end of this next turn, there’s no need to wait by the entrance.

Red Team

Swordy – YOU’RE HIGH


Hymirl – A mighty hand of water  emerges from the river before you, swatting you back to the ground.

“FOOLISH MORTAL! YOU DARE TO CROSS ME WHEN THE RULES HAVE ALREADY BEEN…”

The river monster thinks for a minute.

“ACTUALLY, THAT IS QUITE ENRAGING. ALRIGHT, YOU CAN PASS…BUT NOT THE FARSEER.”


Ashman – “THE ACCURSED BINKS!! HE SHALL ADD NICELY TO THE POOL.”

A bridge rises out of the river for Ashman to cross.


Shade – AUTO-FAIL


Taupro – “WHAT IS THIS? A COMEDIAN? HOW ENRAGING IS THIS? I AM SURE HE PROVES JUST AS FUNNY AS HE IRRITATES SOME. NO PASSAGE FOR YOU, IDIOT MORTAL.”


Dancer – A huge, laughing mouth forms in the water, bellowing its amusement.

“SO ENRAGING YOU ENRAGED SOMEONE ELSE IN THE GAME! YOU MAY PASS, AND TAKE ONE OTHER ALONG WITH YOU!”


Monkey – “YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME ANYTHING, AND I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE. NO RAGE, NO PASSAGE.”


Atheist – “WHINGING IS NOT RAGING.”


Green Team

Fifth – The river watches Thal’s tribute on behalf of Cain with interest.

“IT IS VERY AMUSING, BUT NOT VERY ENRAAAAGGGIIING. SHOUTING LOUDLY DOES NOT MAKE ONE ANGRY.”


Azore – Is looking for some rage

“TAKE YOUR TIME.”


Khemri – AUTO-FAIL

Chaplain – “HMM. I THINK THIS WOULD HAVE PASSED ABOUT A YEAR AGO, BUT NOW NOBODY CARES. GIVE ME SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE AND YOU CAN GO.”


Tyranid Wannabe – “AGREED. THAT WAS SLIGHTLY RAGE-INDUCING. MAINLY THE VIDEO. YOU CAN PASS.”

No bridge comes up.

“BUT YOU’LL HAVE TO SWIM. AHAHAHA!!”


Thal – “ANNOYING =/= ENRAGING!! NO PASS FOR YOU!!”

This creates the interesting problm of one harpooned man being able to cross while the other must stay to make tribute. What shall they do?


Tauimir – Hurf durf.


TagniK'ZuR – “GRAAAAHHH, THE ACCURSED SCREEN! IT SHALL ADD TO MY WATERS NICELY. FLY ON, BRAVE TROOPER!”

TagniK'ZuR is lifted into the air and hurled through the sky.


Infront of everyone who has failed, a huge apparition emerges from the river before you, articles and blogs dripping out of its fetish-encrusted pores.

“NONE OF YOU GRASP WHAT IT IS THAT MUST BE OFFERED. YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT RAGE IS? THEN HAVE BUT A TASTE OF MY RAGE, AND LEARN WHAT TRUE ANGER IS!!”

“NOW, TRY AGAIN!!”


‘Roll on turn 3…’


Ciat,
Seer Fox

[FarseerTelemnar]

Crashing into the ground Telemnar feels little pain, having been within a heroine induced state. Hearing Dancers grand success he rolled his body on the ground till he could look up at his team. Waving one of his arms over at Dancer. "Quick drag me across with you. We have a chance to take somewhat of a lead here. By the sounds of the river from over at the Green Team they are having even worse success then we are. Lets take advantage of it." Telemnar mumbled out through his helm.

Then it a pitiful attempt at crawling, with his two broken legs, he started to work his way over to Dancer and hopefully to his path across the river. Seeing the bridge come out of the water he glared at Ashman. "Lucky. I could of swore I would have been able to sell that phone to the river in exchange for passage.... It clearly has no taste." Telemnar muttered under his breath. 

[jawmonkey]

The Monkey God growls in anger and strikes the ground with his staff. The sky over head darkens ominously and answers with a peel of thunder. The Monkey God raises his open palm to the heavens and makes a gesture as if pulling something down to him. An incredibly dense cloud forms at his feet and he steps upon it.

"The Monkey King, Trickster God has tired of this game and no longer cares to wait in this oblivion and is needed elsewhere." The Monkey God howls as he flies off into the distance.

[Impervious]

"WHAT?"

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that the Big Three are not rage inducing?"

"For all of the people who chose to not buy any cars from them, well, they're stuck paying for their bailout.  Their money is going to the crappy car companies that they did not support."

"For all of the employees, they're pissed off because the company is so ass backwards.  They're also pissed off because they're the ones on the chopping block, not the higher-ups."

"For all of the people working in companies which supply the Big Three, they're going to get screwed out of contracts once the Big Three cut back/fold altogether."

"Half of all of the politicians are enraged because the companies are getting a bailout, and the other half are enraged because the first half wants the companies to fail."

"Half of the United States population (and part of Canada affected by it) want the bailout, and are enraged at the other half because of their views.  The other half is in the same boat."

"How the beslubber can you tell me that my story was not RAGE worthy?  It has enraged hundreds of millions of people.  It is more than enough RAGE inducing for a beslubbering trickle trying to pass itself off as river."

[Ashman]

"The river clearly doesn't give a amphetamine parrot about the USA or their economic woes," Ashman pointed out, before stepping onto his personal bridge. "After all, what use is money to a river?"
He wondered how exactly Dancer was going to get Telemnar across the river, as Fox hadn't made it clear how he was even going to get himself across. However, he decided against taking matters into his own hands, as that hadn't worked that well for the others that tried.
No, much better to get a head start and see what challenges we have yet to face, he thought to himself. At least we're doing better than the Green Team, he realised, a wide grin forming across his face as he walked slowly along the bridge over the raging river.

Stepping off at the other side, Ashman stood facing the entrance to the maze. It loomed in front of him, mysterious and inticing, and there were strange shuffling and moaning noises coming from inside. Ashman felt a strong urge to head into the maze without waiting for the others in the team. After all, Hymirl would be along any second and Dancer might actually be able to get Telemnar across, he thought to himself. He made his decision, and walked slowly into the maze, the darkness swallowing him up immediately so that he was hidden from view.

CM

[Seer Fox]

He wondered how exactly Dancer was going to get Telemnar across the river, as Fox hadn't made it clear how he was even going to get himself across.

"I DUNNO...I'LL LET HIM GO OVER YOUR BRIDGE OR SOMETHING. THAT SHOULD WORK."

"...ALSO, ANY TIPS TO DENOTE ME BEING A RAGING RIVER WITHOUT HAVING TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS WOULD BE APPRECIATED. IT'S LIKE I'M ON CRUISE CONTROL HERE."


Ciat,
Seer Fox