40K Online
Community => Tavern Games => Topic started by: Calamity on June 14, 2009, 09:07:13 PM
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You know, I'm beginning to like the tavern games, so I going to have a crack at starting one myself. ;D
The aim of this game is to simply come up with an idea for a scenario involving a 40k character that is either deeply embarrassing, painfull or humiliating etc for them. Points for the funniest and most ironic (not really, just aim along those lines). The only condition is that it has to be a 'person of authority', anybody from Commissar Yarrick to a regular unit squad leader.
Just to start us off:
Sgt Harker pops his back while tying up his boot laces in the fox hole.
Now, somebody else take over......
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Karandras slap his brow in irritation when he remembers that he forgot his toothbrush at home - cave his own head in, forgot about the Powerclaw.
Starky
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Abaddon needs to scratch his junk. He does so, then cuts himself in half with his power claw.
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Space Pope (Aun'Va) falls off his hover platform and breaks his back, due to being an old, old, old man.
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The Emperor farts during the Soul Binding.
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Karandras go overboard trying to shave with his chainsword.
Starky
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Chaplain Lemartes of the Blood Angels gets a bit drunk after someone spikes the red grail.
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The Princeps of an Imperator Titan spills coffee on his main control panel while the machine is being repaired in dock. 300,000 are crushed before he can get the spill cleaned.
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Poor Wraithlord git falls to wraithsight and wander off... splattering underfoot hapless Guardians citizens.
Starky
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After surviving uncounted wounds that would have killed a lesser man, Commissar Yarrick dies of constipation. Ghazghkull never knew that his one weakness was a fondness for steak and a propensity not to chew thoroughly.
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Cowardly IG officer tries to abondon post. Angry Commissar attempts to execute officer using a rapidly overheating plasma pistol. Pistol backfires. Commissar loses hand and cries for the medic, who lost his eyebrows in the blast while trying to plead officers case. Officer runs away. End.
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Marneus Calgar's Drop Pod retro-burners fails. Funny smear when it hits the ground.
Starky
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Creed chokes on his Cigar after Krell yells so loudly in his ear he's forced to clench his jaw.
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Guardsman Marbo poisons himself while shaving with his toxic blade.
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A Primaris Psyker forgets to take his magnesium and complains of a migraine. Guess what happens when his commissar hears about it...
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Dark Eldar Jetbiker without his helmet (happens all the time) do some high speeding then get hit in the face by a seagull equivalent. Neck breaks.
Starky
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Necron Tomb World awakens. Necrons discover their planet's ice caps have melted, and the entire world is now a saloutrageously sexy lycra-clad pixieer ocean. Cue rust. Hilarity ensues.
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Captain Sicarius slices a head off a tyranid gaunt which flies not a marine knocking him off a cliff.
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Stracken gets sand in his iron hand and it malfunctions, short circuiting and frying him.
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Jain Zar having a frog in her throat.
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Chaplain Lemartes of the Blood Angels gets a bit drunk after someone spikes the red grail.
Tut tut Jimmy, that should be Corbulo ;)
Calgar and Lysander play patty-cake with their weapons, blowing each other to pieces.
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Wazdakka gets in a trafic accident
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Old Zogwort turns Ghazgkhull into a squig - woops, there goes the prophet of the Waaagh..... ::)
~Thal
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Eldrad Ulthran, legendary seer of Ulthwé, psycher supreme and pawner of Chaos - choke on a chicken bone.
Starky
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Eldrad's already dead in the middle of a big Slaaneshi circle jerk, choking won't make much difference.
Lucius gets the herp.
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Who cares?
Hemorrhoids are what's really killed the Emperor. He officially died on the golden toilet.
Starky
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I'll expand on Jester's...
Fulgrim wasn't possessed by a daemon after all. Turns out that madness is a side effect of syphilis.
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Ghazgkhull and Yarrick decide to settle their differences over a slice of pizza and a game of 40k :P. Naturally, they both take their own model as their army's HQ.
Also, Marneus Calgar and Cato Sicarius grow bored of the Ultramarines, and spend the rest of their days partying with the daemonettes.
~Thal
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Cassius and Straken both fall afoul of a large magnet, and end up stuck together for eternity.
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Chaplain Lemartes of the Blood Angels gets a bit drunk after someone spikes the red grail.
Tut tut Jimmy, that should be Corbulo ;)
I thought Lemartes was funnier because Chaplains are supposed to assert discipline and control over their brothers. :P
An ork who's born OCD.
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An ork who's born OCD.
Even better, OCD painboy.
Chaos Lord getting turned into a spawn by a random aspiring Sorcerer.
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Abaddon getting killed by a grot. (the old deep strike mishap; I pokez you in da atomz)
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Someone forgot to chain up the death company dreadnought......
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Kharn the Betrayer becomes paralyzed, after tripping and falling down a large cliff, in front of advancing conscripts and gets trampled to death.
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Marbo breaks his neck when he slips getting out of the company shower.
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Space marine commander realises sand is in his armour.
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All non space marine characters are put on a bus and the bus gets blown up.
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Commander Chenkov spends the whole battle sending hundreds and hundreds of his own troops into the meatgrinder, heavy boltering the ones trying to retreat back, only to be executed by the commissar as a heretic for taking the emperor's name in vain when a sniper shot his vodka bottle. Lousy hypocritical drunk. >:(
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Eldrad Ulthuan being hit by a speeding waveserpent, as he didn't see it coming.....
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A computer virus infects a tomb world, causing the Necrons there to become Benevecrons, who go around spreading joy and happiness throughout the universe. There preferred method of attack is to phase in to impoverished parts of the galaxy and build schools and orphanages.
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Slanesh getting some form (or all of) of STD
(Droofus that would be scarier then a flayed one in my closet)
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Shrike twisting his ankle cos of a bad jump pack landing.
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Lysander playing Whack-A-Mole.
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Harker gets a hernia from carrying payback
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The Duracel Bunny Runs over a necron lord
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Captain Sicarius throws his sword in anger embedding themselves in a gargoyle. Which lands on a marine who accidentally flames his unit and runs into a tyranid warrior jerking its venom cannon. The splurge penetrates a dreadnought which falls on a deathworld sentinel, which chainsaws a guardsmen who drops his overheating plasma gun... onto a mine. The following explosion blasts the overheating plasma gun onto a carnifex. This causes it to knock a broodlord aiming at a Land raider with a vortex grenade and the tyranid mis-aims and throws said grenade straight into Captain Sicarius' hands.
Chain reaction mayhem Tyranid style.
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Nightbringer, the Angel of Death, The Grim Reaper...getting turned into a squig of the rest of eternity.
The worst part is that this could happen in a 40k game.
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Nob biker pulled over for speeding and killed in jail
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Calgar invites Abadon over for tea and crumpets.
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Great Unclean One goes on the Atkins Diet to get in shape for the "beach season"
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someone releasing "those" slaanesh and Khorne sex videos on the tinterweb
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Cato Sicarius looking in a mirror and NOT thinking, "Damn I'm awesome...."
It'd never happen. Same goes for Yriel.
~Thal
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Kharn "donating" some of that extra blood
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Maugan Ra deciding to have that sex change operation to get one of the Banshees fancy suits and gear.
Starky
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Sammael winning the Moto GP
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A Big Mek is fixing the inside of his shock attack gun's vacuum tube, when his oilers, wanting revenge for some previous beatings, turn it on. It sucks in the mek's head and teleports it out of the workshop window and into the warboss' private dung heap before exploding, sapping the whole campsite in warp energy.
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A Big Mek is fixing the inside of his shock attack gun's vacuum tube, when his oilers, wanting revenge for some previous beatings, turn it on. It sucks in the mek's head and teleports it out of the workshop window and into the warboss' private dung heap before exploding, sapping the whole campsite in warp energy.
That sounds like a very orky thing to happen, actualy :P
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A Big Mek is fixing the inside of his shock attack gun's vacuum tube, when his oilers, wanting revenge for some previous beatings, turn it on. It sucks in the mek's head and teleports it out of the workshop window and into the warboss' private dung heap before exploding, sapping the whole campsite in warp energy.
That sounds like a very orky thing to happen, actualy :P
My sentiments also.
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Mad Dok Grotsnik gets so drunk that he successfully performs necessary surgery that is completely painless for the patient.
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said patient is angered that the super power fisty dealy that he ordered was replaced with a prosthetic limb and beats grotsnik to death with his own creation
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Khorne realized that as a warp based deity he is a creature of magic, and in a fit of self directed rage lops his own head off to add to the skull throne.
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Zogwort look into a mirror and you can guess the rest....
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The four powers play cards. Nurgle forfeits as his pus dissolves his hand, Khorne spills his bucket of blood on Slaanesh who then starts a fight and all of them acuse Tzeenetch of cheating!
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Fuegan pulls his Wave Serpent over at a gas station for some nibbles and beers. Boom.
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Nurgle throws a fondou party. Everyone dies of salmonella.
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The mighty Phoenix Lord Baharroth harass and shoot some Chaos Space Marines, as he's wont given his fighting style, find out what GW's done with the game and find it is more efficient to bash said CSM's brains in with hi weapon butt.
Technology FTW.
Starky
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Colonel Straken tries to get through a metal detector at the airport. He then finds out that fighting orks is way less scary than a full cavity search by TS agents..
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Slaanesh gets subpoenaed for "R Kelly'ing" a minor... :-*
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khorn and all his minions drown in the blood of their victims and everybody looses the will to fight... galactic peace ensues
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A defiler failing it's MOT
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Someone dumps Mr.clean on nurgle.
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Chaplain Caussis makes peace not war with alien species
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Sicarius getting turned down by the x-men for being "too much like that other guy"
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Skulltaker plays a bunch of cards with a platoon of Imperial Guard
(What should be happening....:D)
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Eldrad Ulthran gets in a shouting match with Yriel over who is the cheesiest character.
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The Phoenix Lords argue over who is the least useful of them all.
~Thal
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Ghazgull power claw turns into toaster. he then works in an old peoples home.
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Marbo looses a game of hide no seek with a blind man
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After a particularly furious battle with the followers of Slaanesh, someone gives Typhus an anti-bacterial shower
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lucius the eternal bangs on his neighbors wall with a brush shouting turn the music down im trying to sleep
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The Deceiver actually believing the deceased president of Nigeria wants him to have all of his money.
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The mandarin kills Ghazgul believing him to be the hulk
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The Avatar catches Eldrad trying to pick Yriel's treasure chest for the eye of wrath. Hot spanking ensues.
He didn't see that in his runes this morning.
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Any Space marine living to an old age deserted on a lost planet. Who manages to survive by starting a farm and enjoying it.
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Creed fails a tactical move.
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The deathguard star in a deodent advert.
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A squad of firewarriors get's mugged in the street by an old lady with a bannana, they loose
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ghazghkull gets an itchy eye and asks mad dok grotsnik for help
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Yarrick needs to see a therapist for xenophobia
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shrike lands on a chaos land raider :o
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Brin Milo get's an ASBO for piping too loudly and has his pipes confiscated
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The rainbow warriors return. Only to be made fun of by their more attractive, and slightly less gay ultramarine brothers.
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Calgar looses an arm wrestling match to a grot
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Avatar dies to ratlings.
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(ha ha cpt cool it happened :P and here's another thing that happened)
abaddon and 10 termies get kicked back into the warp by a fleeing dire avenger ;D
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Marenus Calgar gets caught with Chaplain Cassius, Calgar wearing nothing but the Gauntlets of Ultrmar adn Cassius wearing not but his rosarius.
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Commander Farsight going blind.
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The Death Korps of Krieg organising a pension plan
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Ghazghkull and Yarrick skipping through a flowery meadow to "So Happy Together"
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A ork manages to win a case of racial disrcmination against the term greenskin from now on they are refered to as verdently colourled people.
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A ork manages to win a case of racial disrcmination against the term greenskin from now on they are refered to as verdently colourled people.
That's a good one! And he wins a big bag of teeth and a peice of rusty sheet metal as compensation.
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Fabius Bile, Molecular Gastronomy(cooking).
Today's menu, Space Marine omelette's with extra green stuff.
Enjoy.
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A Tau Fire Warrior punches out Marneus Calgar.
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Commisar Yarrick running first away from a failing defense
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Commisar Yarrick running away from gretchin
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A gretchin killing an emporer titan by accidentaly dropping his wrench in the right place
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yarrick and yriel realising that they are brothers because they have the same "eye"
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the deciever playing pranks on the nightbringer
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The nightbringer being killed by a ratling..
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ratling being killed by veracious foot fungus
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The Avatar of Khaine losing His second last wound to a Grot in CC, then getting killed by a failed NO Retreat! save.
Starky
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The Avatar of Khaine losing His second last wound to a Grot in CC, then getting killed by a failed NO Retreat! save.
Starky
Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't Grots Str2? And Str2 can't hurt T6?
Also, I'm fairly certain that you only take No Retreat! wounds if someone on the opposing side can actually hurt you :P.
Sorry to burst your bubble there, Starky
~Thal
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Rly? Are we not in the: 'It Shouldn't Happen to a 40K Character' game? So, there. :P
And while we're on teh topic: Thalandir (the Clumsy Farseer) get his feet caught in the carpet, fall and break his scrawny neck. Didn't foresee that did you?
Starky
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vulcan hest'ian sells all of his relics at a garage sell.
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A Commissar Lord on the tv show 'Antiques Roadshow'
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A black 40k character.
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Salamanders are all black.
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Salamanders are all black.
and therefore vulcan he'stan is
PS:PMF i find that racist
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chaos lord hosting a church bake sale.
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A vox officer accidentaly tuning into police radio.
@Alerion, i'm sure it wasn't intentional, it's just most of the GW 40k characters are caucasian.
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the emperor get an itch on his nose while on the golden throne.
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Lucius complains about noise level at neighbours party
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kor'sarro khans bike gets a flat tire.
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white scars and WAAGH! gutsmek meating and resolving their diffrences with a drag race between wazzdakka gutsmek and korsarro kahn.
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Salamanders are all black.
with glowing red eyes. I mean real black people not some faux-blacks.
Usarker E Creed and Jarren Kell are found to be more then friends.
Their gay.
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wraith (necron version) forgets to shift out of phase and gets run over by a land raider.
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Knight Commander Pask dies when a vanquisher shell the gunner just fired Detones prematurely. IE In the barrel, Causing the entire tank to explode.
Oh! Here's a good one: Abbadon Succeeds.
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wazzdakka gutsmek realises he has been paying too much for bike insurance.
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the **** hits the fan
Leman russ, jaghati, guilmann and any other "missing" primarchs come back, all the necrons wake up, all the tyranids show up, all the good races team up, the 2 eldar gods still alive come back, khaine re-forms, gork and mork take physical form to fight the chaos gods, every single space marine is mobalised and the emporer is put in the BOm- DiGitYeSt dreadnaught Evar and PWNs likie 5 guys a turn cus his A charictaristic would still suck cus hes a dread
this would be Redonk, it would be Space-Ragnarock
warhammer 40'000 ends
no more warhammer 40'000 all models explode
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the **** hits the fan
Leman russ, jaghati, guilmann and any other "missing" primarchs come back, all the necrons wake up, all the tyranids show up, all the good races team up, the 2 eldar gods still alive come back, khaine re-forms, gork and mork take physical form to fight the chaos gods, every single space marine is mobalised and the emporer is put in the BOm- DiGitYeSt dreadnaught Evar and PWNs likie 5 guys a turn cus his A charictaristic would still suck cus hes a dread
this would be Redonk, it would be Space-Ragnarock
warhammer 40'000 ends
no more warhammer 40'000 all models explode
your forgeting that this is the "it shouldn't happen to a 40k character!'' game. not the "it shouldn't happen to the 40k universe!'' game.
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Commissar Yarrik looses his second eye and trips on a dead orks chopa.
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The emperor gets up yawns has a glass of orange juice and some toast then turns to the nearby custodes and says "so much happen while ive been away"
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Oh! Here's a good one: Abbadon Succeeds.
Never going to happen ;). It would mean that GW would have to come up with a story that doesn't start with "Abaddon launches his crusade" and ends with "Abaddon and the forces of Chaos are driven back into the eye of terror, and there was much rejoicing as the Inquisition killed anyone who came within five kilometres of the Chaos forces". :D
~Thal
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Oh! Here's a good one: Abbadon Succeeds.
Never going to happen ;). It would mean that GW would have to come up with a story that doesn't start with "Abaddon launches his crusade" and ends with "Abaddon and the forces of Chaos are driven back into the eye of terror, and there was much rejoicing as the Inquisition killed anyone who came within five kilometres of the Chaos forces". :D
~Thal
wait that was stellar writing there do you work for the black library?
i got another one a vindicare assassin falls in love with a farseer and goes to live with her on her craftworld and they have babies.
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a leman russ tank commander manages to kill someone with his sword
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a leman russ tank commander manages to kill someone with his sword
well that would be more embarrassing to the person getting stabbed by the afore mentioned tank commander than the officer himself. any way, calgar gets into a slap fight with a 'furioso' dreadnaught.
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Captain Al-Rahem gets lost in the desert while leading a flanking maneuver and dies of dehydration.
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Captain Al-Rahem gets lost in the desert while leading a flanking maneuver and dies of dehydration.
as i said before this is the ''It shouldn't happen to a 40k character!'' game. not the it ''It should happen to a 40k character!'' game. ;D
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Captain Al-Rahem gets lost in the desert while leading a flanking maneuver and dies of dehydration.
as i said before this is the ''It shouldn't happen to a 40k character!'' game. not the it ''It should happen to a 40k character!'' game. ;D
I think he's trying to say that the situtation he just named SHOULDN'T happen...
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and ima saying it should
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anyway getting back on track... grey knight inquisitor gets drunk one night and wakes up in bed with two dozen daemonetts.
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anyway getting back on track... grey knight inquisitor gets drunk one night and wakes up in bed with two dozen daemonetts.
lol that is all.
Khan gets a flat tire and AA cant get a car out for 3 hours.
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good one! when they do get out they have a moped for him.
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fabuis bile gets named doctor of the year and Corbulo is made to polish his medal
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Chenkov joins Amnesty International
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abaddon spontaneously mutates into a chaos spawn.
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kantor breaks a nail punching a ork to death.
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Commisar Yarrick (or any commisar) asks nicely. :)
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Commisar Yarrick (or any commisar) asks nicely. :)
no it should be "Commisar Yarrick (or any commisar) asks. :)"
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Adeptus Mechanus Magii decieds to hacks and steal Tau tech for his own devices
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Creed has a heart attack in the middle of a speech and dies.
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abaddon is on a planet alone and is fighting 10billion gretchin, after slaying them all he dies of boardem because the enemy were not fighting back then about 10 minuets later calgar comes down to the planet and starts laughing at the sight of abaddons corpes and then goes over to it and starts teabagging abaddon.
lol some of these jokes are sooo funny
i bet the eldar laughing gods craped his pants laughing
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a group of space wolves are caught raiding the farmers chicken coop.
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calgar is killed by a stray las-bolt in the face. That'll teach him to wear a helmet!
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chaos marines tp the imperial pallace.
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Then Kharn walks up and shakes his hand and pats on the back
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Knight Commander Pask's tank crew report him the Commissariat for not driving economicaly
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Yarrick gets a ticket from the Arbites for octuple-parking the Fortress of Arrogance.
Tzeentch plays Starcraft against someone from Korea... and loses.
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Nurgle makes Magic Johnson Herald for spreading aids and tzeentch makes him herald for talking to kids about aids prevention
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Prince Yriels spear kills him.
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a master of the forge looks into the barrel of his conversion beamer and inadvertently blows his head off.
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A Slaanesh Noise Marine sneaks up on Sly Marbo while he is stalking a Lictor.
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The emperor gets a reduced calorie diet. Innocent psykers everywhere rejoice
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Marneus Calgar sends a company of Ultra marines to cleanse a new planet while doing so they find some ancient relics from before the Old Night. Becoming enraptured with these relics they decide to create a successor chaptor and based on these items. Bam (https://www.40konline.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mmogrindhouse.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F08%2Fhello-kitty-40k.jpg&hash=18d56de966a884496f75f53e4f1aab55819fba86) ARE BORN!
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Slaanesh preaches abstinences,
Khorne is a pcaifist,
Nurgle uses soap,
Tzeentch removes the fine print.
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khorn brezerker trips and impales himself and two others on his own chain sword.
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A ork Burna sings "We didn't start the fire!" :)
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the hive mind makes its minions fight through interpretive dance
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Eldrad Triggers a claymore, BANG!
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Abbandon succeeds.
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Kharn the Betrayer carries a white flag of peace
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the emperor has an itch on his nose while on the throne.
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Nurgling sings... you know what, I`ll just show you.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=astISOttCQ0)
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emperors children have there mom barge into their room and rip out the cord to their cd player.
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logan Grimnar is caught eating Whiska's
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kharne decides he's had enough with the vilence, so he sits down by the fire place and reads a book.
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Ork boys throw down their choppas and use their green thumbs to start a tomato patch
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a khorne berserker uses a bandade
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kharn passes out at the sight of blood!
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The Masque marries Brother captain Stern
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they get a divorce and because stern is caught in bed with 50 daemonettes
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He (stern) becomes the mightiest daemon prince of slaanesh ever!
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Stern eventually dies from Siphlis.
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A grey knight accidentally spills Daz on his power armour and becomes a white-knight
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calagar loses a fight for the heavy weight boxing championship to a fat child
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sicarius loses the fencing championship to the same child.
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Then Clagar loses the re-match against said child.
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Said child then gives Yarrick a wedgie in front of his army. The shock kills him stone dead.
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Said kid eats Khorne flakes for breakfast.
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any of the phoenix lords are outperformed by one of their aspect warriors.
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Wraithguard trips over a pebble and cant get up.
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Canis Wolfborn is hunted down and killed by a roving group of house cats.
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Yarrick, Cain and Gaunt all have a be-atch fight over who's the best commisair hero.
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A fire dragon exarch with flamer takes an ice-bath and becomes an "ice dragon"
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a warlord titan gets downsized.
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"the swooping hawk exarch" is added to a bird watching book.
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Commisar yarrick Starts the ignition on the fortress of arrogance only to find a pamphlet for a Leons Clearout sale stuck to the hood.
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Yarrik is fined by the imperium because his Fortress of Arrogence was put at the bottom of "the Imperium's 10 least fuel efficient vehicles".
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Yarrik is then forced to drive a smart car into battle, named the "the pillow fort of innocence"
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The Imperium is hit with an energy crisis. Guardsmen are ordered to conserve energy by limiting their shots with their flashlights. Those who fail to do so will be shot.
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Commisar yarrick Starts the ignition on the fortress of arrogance only to find a pamphlet for a Leons Clearout sale stuck to the hood.
Indeed. And because of said pamphlet, Yarrick was so shocked that he ran The Fortress of Arrogance straight into the regimental ammunition bunker. Big explosions and laughter follow.
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Da orks form a boy band.
They are loved by a millions.
Ghaz, wazzdakka and badruk are all bigger than Zac Effron.
The masque and her group the "Slutty Sirens" quit the music world after realising they can't compete
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Abbandon kills himself after realising he has been beat 12 or is it 13 times now by much less experienced commanders, in comparison
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logan grimnar goes down to a bar
he is later arrested for being drunk and disorderly and for punching a dog in the face
he then later claimed in court that the dog was an old friend
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logan grimnar goes down to a bar
he is later arrested for being drunk and disorderly and for punching a dog in the face
he then later claimed in court that the dog was an old friend
lol ;D.
Captian Shrike's (the ravenguard person, think that's his name) jump pack fails. Lands crouch first on the kill kannon of a battlewagan. Speaks a few decimals higher for ever after.
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Tzeentch takes a lie detector test.
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The Grey Knights were unexpectedly pranked by the Adeptus Administratum.
They were given super-strong bleach labled as 'Armor Detergent'.
Their armor turns bright white.
The fustrated Grand Master renames them the White Knights.
This video also has extremely good 40k jokes
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/517327 (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/517327)
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A White Scar does his laundry with a Blood Angel; Becoming a pink scar.
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a comissar is fired for being a workplace hazard.
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Typhus becomes allergic to flies
Kharne becomes a buddist
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yarrick retires again and has to work at wallmart due to inadequate pension.
(nice avvy BTW)
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no yarrick has to work as a walmart greeter
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during this time, as it has fallen into disrepair, Yarrik's bale eye occasionally shoots the person he's greeting. Because of this, there is now a sign warning people to duck whenever they hear a sparking sound.
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Marneus Calgar has to live the remainder of his death (he is dead right?) fighting enemies who constantly say:
"Look! It's Manus Cragnar, king of the space-machines!"
Calgar blames Lorizael for this confusion.
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siccarius trips over his sword and decapitates himself.
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Commisar shooting the emperor because he thought he was ding to much sitting around.
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Jain Zar's first hot date in several hundred years ends badly when she sees a mouse and screams, making her date's head explode.
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undeterred she merely carries the corpse back to her car...
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Harker has a tea party. End of story.
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an emperor titan trips over a pothole.
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An ork passes English class
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no the ork is a highly paid professor of english.
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said highly paid ork professor of English is currently he is paid in American dollars. He asked that instead he would be paid in the "teef" he knocked out of his students. He was denied.
Better yet, Commissar Yarrik is the head of the school the ork works at.
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no yarrick has to babysit for the orks kids.
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a guardsmen finally "getting some" with a sister of battle :P
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sisters of battle and you thought s and m was painful
a weird boy actually blowing something up with his mind
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Ork battlewagen crew think they get lucky when they run over Yarrick with their 40 tonne deff rolla...only to hear him shout 'is that all you got, you bloody green bastards!'', as he lay flatten out on the ground.
(this actually happened in the game I saw today!)
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Ork battlewagen crew think they get lucky when they run over Yarrick with their 40 tonne deff rolla...only to hear him shout 'is that all you got, you bloody green bastards!'', as he lay flatten out on the ground.
(this actually happened in the game I saw today!)
LALALALALALALALALAL A I never heard YOU! Yarrick probably THEN proceeded to bite the deffrolla off.
Necron Lord getting drunk at a party, then stumbles into a pool, short curciting.
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A Necron lord not realizing that without a brain to be impaired he can't get drunk. And that in drinking alcohol he probably would short circuit from that. Of course this all requires exposed wires, which since necrons are made of "living metal" they probably don't have.
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A Necron lord not realizing that without a brain to be impaired he can't get drunk. And that in drinking alcohol he probably would short circuit from that. Of course this all requires exposed wires, which since necrons are made of "living metal" they probably don't have.
wow what a buzz kill
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A Necron lord not realizing that without a brain to be impaired he can't get drunk. And that in drinking alcohol he probably would short circuit from that. Of course this all requires exposed wires, which since necrons are made of "living metal" they probably don't have.
wow what a buzz kill
Yeah. The very defination of the 'It shouldn't happen to a 40k character'' game is that, well, it shouldn't happen to a 40k character. :P
Oh right, the game. Er, the emporer soils the throne. Yeah.
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Thats what he wears the big diper robe for!
A vindicare assasin failing.
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A vindicare assasin failing.
...after 2 months of sitting in a tree waiting.
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with his tau buddy, that has "experimented" with cross dressing.
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with his tau buddy, that has "experimented" with cross dressing.
Ssshhhhhh our secret...
the tau then goes on to kill Abbadon in close combat (which should never happen to abbadon)
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then has brutal love with his corpse (a crossdressing necrophile? eww :o)
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Typhus catches A.I.D.S. and dies from a cold.
im evil
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padro gets wasted one night and wakes up the next morning in bed with an ork warboss.
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Lysander is forced to host a DIY show, the theme tune of which is "If I Had A Hammer".
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inquisitor hosts a show about "tolerance" on public television.
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Ghazgkull has fallen and he can't get up
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Commissar runs out of ammo while doing a summary execution and fails to hit his target...
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sister's of battle have a costume 'malfunction'
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cortez bursts in on a grey knight and a sister of battle in mid coitus.
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Shield Drones overload and explode killing the Tau commander they were attached to.
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the tau invent a drone that does their laundry for them.
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A particularly cocky Tau commander decides to mob a poor Guard company with 1,000+ Hammerheads.
The Imperial Commander couldn't care less and subjects the whole area to orbital bombardment.
(actually rather possible)
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cortez bursts in on a grey knight and a sister of battle in mid coitus.
Nobody expects the inquistion.
Their is a large student based peace movement in the imperiun about how the imperium is oppresing nids.
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the tau invent a drone that does their laundry for them.
I could actually see the Tau doing this...
Yriel (Or any other Eldar for that matter) giving a short, concise explanation, free of metaphor of poetry.
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a marine shouts 'WAAAAAGH' in the middle of a greenskin purge.
his battle-brothers and the xenos all stare at him.
"Darn it, wrong line" the marine mutters.
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abbadon gets a debilitating boner from slaanesh in the middle of an assault with a fire warrior and is subsequently killed.
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Khorne realizes that he has a more feminine side. FLOWERS FOR THE FLOWER GOD!!!
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slaanesh opens a day care center.
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The space marines realise they can't actually fit into their Rhinos as they are two small for ten men.
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commissar gets shot by a guardsman for running away.
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A sister of Battle refuses to get in the Rhino because another Sister of Battle is wearing the 'same' armour as her.
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a nurgle marine ends up in a petobismol commercial
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The Emperor wakes up and realizes he was gay all along!
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the swarmlord is parrying so fast that he loses control and cuts off his own limbs
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An Ork goes to an anger management class
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My baby's back!!! ;D
Marbo finial talks to us...before announcing that he's going into karaoke.
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Marneus Calgar is killed in close combat by an angry, rabid Grot
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the khan kills sicarius yelling "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!"
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A Bloodthirster runs from a firewarrior
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a mawlock gets a frog in it's throat.
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A Grey Knight gets possessed by a Daemon
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said daemon runs and wins election as us senetor.
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A Skorcha troop dies of heat exhaustion on Tallarn.
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The Vanguard Sergeant's jumppack fails to start during a deepstrike, and he makes his own little crater.
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The Avatar got a sun burn while tanning with Calgar.
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Vindicare Assassin turns up for his first mission but after 3 hours of fighting and no kills he realises that he's left the training blanks in the rifle.
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gabriel seth becomes a lumber jack and renames bloodreaver to woodchukker
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Darnath Lysander joins the Iron Warriors
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A Trygon is tamed by a Tactical Marine.
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The Emperor Dies
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:o ↑ that should have happened a LONG time ago.....in a galaxy far, far away...
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Typhus is cured of the Destroyer Plague
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A space wolf buys a razor.
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deliverance's helms has out on date and the salamanders and vulkan must go bare-headed. the following rascism by orks is so bad that the salamanders goes to mama.
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The Tyranid run back home and eat their own planets instead of consuming others.
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all of the space marines go hippy
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corteaz becomes a pacifist.
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The Inquisition is accused of heresy and codemned
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The sisters of Battle come to save the day all in mystic spores.
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Fateweaver is killed by a Vortex grenade.
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An Haemonculus is eaten by his hungry grotesques. Bon appétit!
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Calgar realises too late the volitile nature of Shield-Lasgun relations (Dune referance) and is killed in the ensuing thermonuclear blast caused when a stray las-bolt fired from the notoriously innaccurate Guardsmen hits his Iron Halo.
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A Tyranid Hive Fleet starves to death
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the empirium becomes a democracy.
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Doom of Malan'tai dies to 4 gretchin. (Actually happened in my game. GO GRETCHIN!!!)
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the inquisition decides to go for the diplomatically correct solution.
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Ghazkull kills Yarrik...5 times in a row...Ending with both of them dying...and Yarrik gets back up again...(Seriously happened in a game, it sucked!)
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yarrik is then killed again by grots. this time he stays down.
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you guys are dicks....
Yarrick taking MORE than 30 seconds to kill a deamon prince, that'll never happen
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yarrik gets that bebe gun for giftmass and shoots his other eye out.
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Yarrik goes to scratch an itch and decapitates himself with his power klaw
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or he does the same thing and can no longer have kids
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The deciever forces the nercons to rebuld his body again so he can have a goatee to stroake.
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Sicarius is vote to be the marine who most embodies the Codex Astrates and subsequently killed by Calgar on the grounds of "heresy"
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Guilliman gets into trouble at school when his book codex astartes is just the art of war with the word space marine inserted fifty times. Cries when the emperor tells him how ashamed he is of him.
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Dante's ancient jump pack malfunctions and he becomes a golden projectile speeding through an Ork horde. ;D
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Marbo finally talks. His first words are "I AM THE LAW". He then goes on to fight Calgar in a boxing match, only to lose on points. He beats him in a rematch, but is defeated by Vulkan. After training with the Ultramarines, he fights Vulkan and reclaims the title. Calgar fights Abaddon and is killed. Marbo goes to the Eye of Terror to fight him, wins both the match, and the approval of the watching daemons, and gives a passionate speech about how they learned to love him, so maybe everyone can learn to love each other, and the wars can stop. The daemons agree, and pour out of the Eye preaching how Humans aren't that bad. The Inquisition finds out and tries to kill Marbo, only for him to defect and join a Tau colony as a snake catcher. When a group of Daemon Doctors try to help the local Tau rebels, they are captured and the rebels slaughtered. Marbo leads a small unit of troops made up of Shrike, Harker, Stracken, Lukas the Trickster and Telion to reclaim the Doctors. He makes friends with Telion who tells him to call him School Boy, as he schools all the young scouts. They manage to reclaim the Daemon Doctors, and flee, only to be captured by the Tau forces. Marbo and Telion sneak up behind the capturing troops and use a Heavy Bolter to cause ridiculous amounts of damage to the troops, who are massacred. When speaking to one of the Doctors, Marbo learns that the Imperium has changed, and goes back, with a green bag over one shoulder.
He is captured by the Inquisition who freeze him for his crimes. 20 years later, after releasing Ragnar Blackmane from cryo imprisonment, Blackmane goes on a rampage and destroys the various planets of the now peaceful Imperium. The Imperium is forced to release Marbo, on the suggestion of the Living Saint, who refers to his old nickname of "Demolition Charge Man". He is used to kill Blackmane, yet simultaneously making the Imperium a better place for everyone. He falls in love with the Saint, and the two of them live happily ever after.
Now to see the expendables and fit more into the chronicle of Sly Marbo...
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rambo meets rocky, intense haha XD
the living saint marries the sanguinor and with their holiness produce a new emperor, marneus calgar is not amused by the fact that he is no longer the number one poster boy and fights the child emperor and is killed by the boy at age 2 months
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would not be surprised by either of those.
the emperor gets off of the golden throne and runs strait to the latrines.
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which are all out of order
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So grabs the nearest Custodes helmet...
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to which said custodes replies "i am honoured" and faints
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The Emperor's head falls away from his body and one by one various uppity ups from the different chapters try to place the head back on his body only to be vaporized from the psychic energies until Mephiston comes. He wrestles with the Emperor's psychic energies but upon placing the head on the body he emanates a blinding light and raises his sword into the air screaming "I HAVE THE POWER!". He then transforms into an even greater being then he was and goes on a crusade across space to get kids off drugs and eating vegetables. Due to the over abundance of healthy kids the Imperial forces grow so strong that nothing can stand in there way.
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He does all of this whilst riding a giant wild tiger.
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later realizing that the enemy were just a bunch of cardboard stand ins all along.
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A sanguinary priest is caught binging on red thirst with vials of geneseed
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A sister of batle enjoys whipping for your sins hour a bit too much.
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tycho opens a cloths store called "dantes secret".
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Marneus Calgar gets caught shopping there by an inquisitor and is thus sentenced to 100 years of exile on Catchan. There he meets Straken , with whom he has an epic "whose hand is cooler" contest. The ensuing auro of machoism destroys the entire planet and sentient life forms everywhere rejoice.
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meanwhile the death star pulls over and blows up terra.
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Logan Grimnar, after hours of battling, is about to defeat the Avatar. But at the last second, the giant being takes out and throws a bone. Instinctively, the great wolf chases after it, right off a cliff.
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were he lands on a warlord titan sneaking up on the avatar
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but alas the warhound is built out of legos
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A venerable dreadnought in the vaults of (unnamed chapter) rusts in place from years of neglect, all because of one embarrassing moment of incontinence in war council.
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logan grimnar gets neutered for being too aggressive.
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The emperor lets out a mighty belch after his latest meal of 10,000 psychers, the backlash destroying every mind within 1000 miles.
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he then declears in a loud, proud voice...
'HELEN?? wheres my full english?'
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the adeptus terra evicts the emperor from the golden palace for being 10,000 years late on his rent.