Topic: The Arena of Dispair, Hymirl's Game'o'Doom!

[Locarno]

Nonetheless, if we end up with an odd number of entrants, I strongly recommend that the numbers be made up by adding a warhound titan with paired vulcan mega-bolters (the Overkillus Maximus Imperialis), just because it's rather more amusing than someone having a bye on round 1....

[Guildmage Aech]

fair enough ...im not gona enter either of those but i shall enter a single chaos cultist.

Cool, in which case you still have to give him a name or I'll give him one that is midly insulting. Its taken for granted that the skills you pick are the least useful set (infiltrate and seige specialist being the most comedy choice).

Nonetheless, if we end up with an odd number of entrants, I strongly recommend that the numbers be made up by adding a warhound titan with paired vulcan mega-bolters (the Overkillus Maximus Imperialis), just because it's rather more amusing than someone having a bye on round 1....

Seconded and motion carried! Greenstuff has until tomorrow to alter his/her entry or I'll switch it to the warhound titan.

[Naikee]

i would like you to give him a largely insulting name just for the fun unless you want me to make a name for him...

[Guildmage Aech]

Cool. Applications are now closed the first round stands as follows (after the random assignment of the D4 of power (Sadly the warhound might have to wait until next time...shame really as I was looking forward to that..)

Fight 1: Willard the Imperial Guard Ratman, Verus Prince Sloshdaka, the Aspiring champion of Chaos.
Fight 2: Ricto's turbo buggy, Verus Greg the Exceptionally Scrotty, a mutant.
Fight 3: Ludmilla Snarquis the Penitent witch, Verus A Grot.
Fight 4: Naikee the morally undecided, chaos cultist Verus A ripper swarm


The first combatants enter the arena as the gates open. The crowd scream wildly as willard nevously steps out onto the clean and finely raked sand to defend the honour of the Imperium against the most evil knavey of it's foes. The traditional boos and hisses for bad guys greet Prince Sloshdaka as he boldly walks out waving his paired chainswords in a menacing manner. Willard checks behind him but it is too late, the gate has closed and his commissar makes a cheery wave from the dugout...
There is a moment of silence as the two pause before Sloshdaka begins running forward into charge range, willard bravly raises his lasgun in the hope of taking his foe down, unfortunatly he panicks with some piss poor shooting (a '1' and a '2' to hit). Before moving in to hack down the puny ratman Sloshdaka decides to pump himself up to ensure he can destory his foe utterly but overdoes and collaspes catatonic on the floor (1, 3, 5, 6, 6 & 6 on the drugs roll).
Willard stands in staring shock at his fallen enemy, medics run on to drag Sloshdaka off to the infimary to be revived for the quarterfinals while acid floods the arena removing the victor from the competition....


The arena is drained and the sand re-raked before the gates re-open for round two. Greg the Exceptionally Scrotty is first out, and stands amazed in the centre of the arena at the sights and sounds of the crowd that actually seem to be intrested in him. Pausing only to scratch an unsightly lump he waves back in a would be firendly manner. But with a crash of gears and roar of hi-octane V8 Ricto's buggy screams out of it's gate and into the arena doing two rather unnessacary laps of the area before halting in it's assigned position 6" in front of greg. The Ork driver makes a non-descript rude hand gesture as is the traditional orkish greeting custom.
Given the order to commense the buggy roars to combat speed it's tyres squealing as it circles around Greg spraying sand as it hits the nitro for more unnessacary speed, the gunner looses his grip on the megablaster and simply tries to hold on to his seat.
Taking his advantage greg raises his firearm and opens up on the vehicle scoring a hit, whereup the gun backfires into his own face (a '1' and a '5' to hit folks), the shot bounces off the buggies's armour harmlessly while Greg actualy manages not to attempt to repair his gun using his face and lives to fight the next round.
Again circling the buggy turbos again for only one inch, Greg still holds his position in the middle of the circle as the combatants fire upon each other. The megablaster howls with uncontolled enery as it pounds a direct hit onto Greg! However being hardcore Greg simply takes it in the chest as it fails to wound him, he returns fire scoring one hit and no overheats but again fails to penetrate the buggy's armour. Round three sees the buggy cicling with it's turbos still at too low a power to stop the gunner from fireing. The megablaster fires again scorching the sand somewhere to the mutant's left able to press the advantage Greg attempts to fire a hail of shots into the buggy again but is betrayed by his low quality weapon which overheats twice seemingly dooming him until he passes both armour saves on sixes! The crowd cheers the strugge in the face of adversity.
Whatever was clogging the buggy's turbo system clears though as it hurtles past with 6" of extra movement leaving it's guns useless for the turn. Greg again fires missing and overheating yet again, this time his luck runs out as it blows his face off...
Medics run on to take greg to the infirmary to prepare him for the quarter finals (after they don gloves before having pyhical contact obiously) while the orks go to demand a recount from the judge, while they're not looking the buggy is towed.

A well deserved intermission occours while the sand is scraped out of the stands and put back in the area after the ork's near continous donuts threw most of it out. A dark eldar version of the snack seller from Monty python and the Life of Brian plies the crowd hawking entertaining wares like fresh soulstones and small children.
The last two of the heats are tomorrow.

[Guildmage Aech]

On the third fight of the day the crowd reconvines as Ludmilla Snarquis walks into the arena floor, her inquisitonal coach thumbs up as she passes, while carefully breathing though his mouth. The other gate stands empty a moment while a slight skuffle is heard inside until a grot is hurled out and the gate slammed shut behind it to prevent it's escape.
The gladators stand facing each other, the gretchin clearly the more scared in more ways than one. Both go for their guns, Ludmillia's laspistol hits while the gretchin's blaster shot whistles past surprisingly close to her shoulder, the shot is a telling one though as she rolls a six to wound blasting a hole clean though the gretchin's head (fortuntaly not causing any permant damage as there isn't too much of value in there).
"Well how 'bout that..." Ludmillia examines her trusty laspistol with surpise that it actually killed something while the medics scrape the gretchin onto a stretcher. She doesn't even notice the Velociraptors being released until its far too late...

The velociraptors are cleared from the field by the beastmasters and the stage reset for the last of the intial battles. Anticpation of a traditional monster fight has the crowd in a frenzy of moderate enthuisam. Naikee the morally undecided is first out of his gate "FOR KHORNE," he screams, "No Slaanesh... oooh actually nugle or maybe the other guy." The crowd nod in apprication of a true follower of chaos undecided in their presence. With some consdierable ammount of swearing from the beastmaters the swarm of rippers is prodded, poked and goaded out of the other gate which instantly slams shut at their passing. With mindless eating machines not being bright enough to wait for a starters command battle starts immidatly.
As the foes close Nakiee fires his rusty autopistol but fogets to pray to the appropate god to guide hsi shots well and before he knows it they're on top of each other in vicious hand to hand combat (hmm, first combat of the areana too!).
With both sides counting as charging its going to be violent and the cultist lays about him with his dagger and pistol butt, hitting one of the rippers and hacking it in half. Unfotunatly there being 3 other rippers on the base means one latch onto his arms each and tear them off in a frezied nashing of pirana like feeding. Taking two wounds and rolling ones on saves the cultist disappeared under the sea of fearsome critters.
Speedly reacting kroot hunters are sent in with kebab sticks to capture and dispose of the ripper swarm while medics collect up the bits of Naikee to be taken to the infirmary in order to have his arms and legs reattached.

So the schedule for the quarterfinals comes up after some of the most exciting and edgey battles ever witnessed on daytime TV. Random assignment creates the following matchups:

Prince Sloshdaka the Detoxed is now up against Greg the Scrotty in a chaotic chaos on chaos battle. While Naikee the morally undecided cultist gets to try his luck against a grot.

[NaOtama]

Well that was embarrasing.

I knew when I drew the grot that Ludmilla might be too good, but I wasn't prepared for her to be that good, one shot straight through the head. I have in the circumstances collected what's left of Ludmilla's right arm, left eye, and brain with a view to conversion into a gun servitor.

[Jester (Hadn't Changed His Profile Recently)]

A race to see who can kill themselves first. He gets a head start, but Drugs are a more reliable form of suicide. Or, we could both fail and end up in close combat. That would be bad.

[Lord of Winter and War]

What gruesome deaths, and much fun had by all. Also poor Willard...never stood a chance...

[Naikee]

LOL thats was some good rolling and having my arms owned !!

[Locarno]

I'm impressed that despite losing, Greg appears to be officially Well 'Ard - taking 3 overheats and a plasma cannon round!

[Guildmage Aech]

Okay, the games reconvene for the second day of battles, the contestants are bloodied, defeated and broken but still forced to stand and fight to the death for the entertainment of the masses. Now theres professionalism for you, and clear evidence that having a Haemonculus running the infirmary does no end of good for getting people up on their feet and fighting to the death in favour of staying a little longer... (except for the slaanesh champion who disturbingly liked his treatment and booked an extra session - but enough of the digressions for now).

The gates rattle open, the crowd cheer as Prince Sloshdaka and Greg the Scotty walk towards each other. Sloshdaka, revs up his chainswords in antipation of hacking poor hapless fools to tiny bits while Greg whispers nice words to his firearm in the hope that it would behave just for a change.
The starter's call sounds and the chaos marine is off his startline closing fast, but greg raises his rifle to his shoulder and opens up on him, a shot passes him close by and the second scores a solid hit on the marine's armour, unfortunatly its deflected by the thick plating (3 & 6 to hit, and a 6 to wound - good shooting tex...).
Pumping himself to insane prowness for the comming combat Prince Sloshdaka again decides against picking a drug in favour of the 'all of the above' option. And drops comatose on the floor like a pro (2, 2, 2, 4, 6 & 6). A strong advertisment for the moral of never mixing your drugs if ever there was one.
Greg stands happy that he managed not to suffer horrible pain for just a moment, that is he soon remembers what happened to the 'winners' last round. Speedly checking for the velociraptors he is hit by a falling grand piano and subesquently scraped up and removed from the arena. Sloshdaka returns to the infirmary to content for the final...

The piano wreckage is cleared and the action immidatly steps up with the return of the still nameless and now bandage headed grot, on the upside it the impromtu lobotomy has apparently removed it's sense of fear - at least judging by the fact that it runs into the arena under it's own power. Nakiee still testing the movement of his arms after the  re-attachment surgery, slams a new clip into his autopistol and steps forward too.
The dust blows past as the fighters face each other; the bad and the ugly (the good isn't making an appearance today obviously), the both go for their guns and the crack of poor quality pistol fire fills the air, which is where all the bullets go, neither of the gunfighters can shoot it appears.
Getting down to the up close and dirty fighting the gladiators meet in the middle of the arena, dispiste both of them charging the cultish has the clear advanatage with his superior initative, and everything else...
Smacking the little green fella upside the face with the butt of his autopistol, he viciously stabs him in the gut with his knife just to finish the job proper. He gets but a moment to feel proud of himself for dealing two wounds in combat before the vindicare assassin on the roof slots him, easier than a 16 year old chavette.

So day two is over, with Prince Sloshdaka's superior suicide technique seeing him take the feild and the grot general patheticness keeping him in the game who will triumph for the final? Will Sloshdaka OD for the third time or could it be the occasion where the impossible happens and he lives which surely spells violent death for the megre green opposition? Find out tomorrow folks...

[Shade, Bankai King]

Yes the grot is moving on. Now I just need to hope that jester doesn't overdose.

[Salami]

Aw darn. Oh well, better luck next time for the Turbo-Charged Buggy of Self-Immolation!

[Whisper]

Are we going to have another round after the last match? I hope so becuase I know just what to enter...

[Guildmage Aech]

Yeah i'll probably run another arena in a while. But not right away though... and I might ban everyhting that has been before in order to ensure variety.

Where were we? Ah yes, the final showdown. The suicidal and the plain crap meet in combat until the death.
The Grot banadaged and plastered and clearly the worse for wear is back in the arena, now standing opposite him is the feared, slightly woosy but still dangerous chaos champion. Prince Sloshdaka. The crowd cheer, some of them throw money, but most throw insults. There is baited breath as the starter readies his flag -everyone knows this won't take long- and sets them off.
Speedly whipping out his blasta the gretchin lets loose with a shot, waaay over Sloshdaka's head. But now in range to beat each other senseless the chaos champ reaches one more time to his drugs, pumping himself to the the heady heights of combat ability - in theory. The rolls commense in extra exciting one at a time drama value mode. 4, 5, 6, 3... it seems so good before it all goes bad with a 3 and a 4 reappearing on the last rolls. The chaos champ collapses mid-charge into a heap on the ground.

The gretchin actually having all his body parts intact at the end of a fight almost dies of shock, and then being taken into custody of the Haemonculi actually wishes he had, for a very very long time.

Prince Sloshdaka is awarded the grand prize of "Total Loser," and given a suitably naff prize. He is then dumped still semi-comatose in the car park because the dark eldar being the only ones who would agree to host an event this sadistic are notiously fickle when it comes to retirement policies... most of them que up for the barbicue hoping to get some tasty fried ripper before the kroot finish it all.
See you next time on "Arena of Dispair 2: The crap strikes back" (In a week or two I expect)

[Whisper]

Can you ban the combat drugs in the next one? They kinda ruin it. Will it be in this thread or another one?

[Lord of Winter and War]

Yeah for the winner. I was rooting for the grot myself.

[Treg_pjwninaro]

I take the single choas fury(Numquam fideles) left out of a squad of 5.  Will take instability test at the start of the round at ld 6.

If he doesn't get -1 for being below half strength, i will take "minimus tempus," a squighound.


Edit: Oh, it will be on new thread?  Nobody take mine!

[Guildmage Aech]

Hi, the first Arena of Dispair is over. I'll be running another one shortly if you're intrested so keep an eye out in a week or two.

Incidently we pretty much ignore the rules for morale since in order to take a morale/instablity test (take casualites to shooting or lose a round of close combat) you need to lose a model and only having one that normally means you're entrant is already dead - and thus saves the bother.

Yeah for the winner. I was rooting for the grot myself.

Well so was I actaully, it nearly looked like he was going to make it for a while too...
In the next one I think I will limit drugs to a max of three choices. that way death isn't quite so definate.

[Locarno]

I always thought they were. Ne'er mind. And congratulations to sloshdaka...

Are we allowed to enter creature feature creations?