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Author Topic: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard  (Read 2942 times)

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Offline JackofBlades

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Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« on: March 9, 2009, 02:22:05 PM »
Hello everyone this is my first poste and some background fluff for my soon to be imperial guard regiment the Neronian Snowguard. I plan to use armageddon miniatures for them but as this may prove to costly this can change. So for some fluff I'll first upload a bit of history of the regiments homeworld: Neron. Please note my native tongue isn't English so please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes. Please enjoy and comment. Useful critic is always welcome

History:
When first discovered Neron was a planet not dissimilar from Terra, with one major exception: the large deposits of a radioactive ore that while being an excellent energy source was somewhat unstable. When the adminastratum noticed Nerons almost perfect climate and large mineral resources it didn’t take long before the planet was transformed in a forge/hive world. Like the legendary world of Armageddon Neron began turning out tanks and other equipment for use in the Emperors glorious army. The planet never became the polluted wasteland that Armageddon was however. Using the radioactive ore, named Nuclus, as their main power source the Neronians kept pollution to a minimum.
Ygulthmar, one of the largest hive on the planet, was famous for its research and innovative use of Nuclus. In the deep vaults of the hive Neron scientists worked on illegal experiments to increase the productivity of Nuclus reactors. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Although the exact cause remains a mystery to this day, fact is a disaster took place on the six hundred sixty-six day in the eight hundred eighty eights year after the discovery of Neron. An incredible explosion tore through the underside of Ygulthmar setting of a chain reaction when it reached the power generators of the city. Ygulthmar was wiped from the face of Neron leaving only a deep crater. At the bottom of which lay a crackling sphere of warp energy.
Almost overnight the sun was blocked out of the Neron sky. For a hundred years the dust from the explosion covered the world. During these dark times, as they became known among the local populace, other darker things started to change: dark creatures were spotted around the crater and the Arbites noticed an explosive increase in the number of chaos related cults on the planet. Another mystery that surrounds Neron was the fact that the planet was completely erased from Imperial records. Then one day, a hundred years after the explosion of Ygulthmar, the reactors of most other hives went up in blazes. This was coupled by a general unrest in all major populated areas. Although none of the explosion had the same destructive result of Ygulthmar. The hives were destroyed and only a handful of scattered outposts and villages remained.
The already hardened man and women of Neron became focused on only one thing: survival. Using radiation suites from old laboratories and other places, the hardened inhabitants try to scratch a life out the snow and ice. The humans lived a nomadic life, continually hunted by mutants and other ravenous creatures. Civilisation and comfort were far beyond them. This continued for many years. Until one tribe, known as the snowfoxes, discovered an abandoned military compound stocked with weapons and armoured transports. Using what available data there was the snowfoxes discovered how to operate and maintain the transports and other equipment they found. No longer were the humans the hunted but the hunters. Finding new bases using the charts from their first discovery the snowfoxes became a rallying point for the scattered tribes. It wasn’t long before Neron was unified under the flag of the snowfoxes.
Soon, their was once again civilisation on Neron. Centred around those compounds, outposts or bases that had survived the dark times and everything else. These bases became known as oasis, with each oasis selecting a ‘caretaker’ who basically had unlimited authority when it came to things concerning the oasis. The Neronians prospered. Within a few years there was a government called the confederacy of oasis. The caretaker of each oasis would act as a representative for the council of caretakers. The council decided about things concerning the whole of Neron. Under direct control of the council were the Voluntary Expedition Forces. The VEF were tasked by the council with guarding the oasis’s and finding and retrieving supplies and other things of value from the icy wastes and frozen ruins. Using the chimera transport and clad in hazard suits to guard against the temperature and radiation.
After nearly a thousand year since the first oasis was discovered, contact was re-established with the Imperium. An VEF expedition under the command of Sebastian Astir discovered an ancient transmission station in the ruins of hive Raknarock. The expedition was under heavy attack from mutants and chaos spawns. They desperately tried to contact the council or anybody else. Whether by accident or design they raised a nearby cruiser from the Imperium instead. An excerpt of the communiqués:

‘This is Sebastian Astir of the VEF, we’re under heavy assault from multiple sides and are in desperate need for reinforcements. Please respond Asgard oasis!’
‘This is the imperial cruiser Emperors Mercy please identify yourself.’
‘This is colonel Sebastian Astir of the VEF, who is this. What Imperium?’
At this point a commanding voice, identified as Archibald Pipsqueak captain of the Emperors Mercy, asks what the com officer is doing. The officer can be heard telling the captain that he has raised an unidentified signal. Captain Archibald proceeds to handle communications from this point.
‘This is captain Archibald Pipsqueak from the Emperors Mercy. To who do you answer, colonel?’
‘To the council of caretakers and the father god.’
Whatever captain Archibald thoughts were at this point are unknown. Fact is that he had discovered a planet, which didn’t belong to the Imperium and which, apparently, was infested with mutants. He wasted no time and set course to the origins of the strange signal. When he arrived at the planet he was surprised to find that the signal was still sending. He ordered the Guard detachment on board to prepare for a emergency drop. The mission would be a search and rescue.
The entire Caenir 313th heavy infantry was dropped and began the descent through five kilometres of ice to Sebastian and his man. The 313th was constantly plagued by attacks from mutants and other even more hideous things. Even worse the standard subzero kit of the 313th wasn’t able to deal with the extreme cold of Neron. Nearly fifty percent of the regiment died from hypothermia and many more lost limbs to frostbite. When they caught up with Sebastian and his man both groups were thinned down to a shade of their former selves and the survivors were weak and fatigued. Fortunately they stumbled across an old tunnelling machine used to mine the ore. The enginseers of the 313th were able to get the ancient machine running. Followed by a score of other vehicles, mainly chimera’s and leman russes, the tunneler bored its way to the surface.
When they were out of the immediate danger it was time for questions and answers. Captain Pipsqueak transported down to the surface and together with the commander of the guard commander: Brigadier-general Hayes started talks with the council for the inclusion of Neron in the Imperium. The council agreed seeing this as a chance to greatly increase their supplies of medicine and food and better the standard of living for the Neronians. Within a year Neron was under Imperial rule and a governor was installed. Missionaries were sent to the planet and began to convert the populace, generally meshing the old religion with that of the holy Emperor. Their was however the matter of tithe, Neron had barely enough resources to support itself let alone export them. It was therefore decided to sent the only resource available: men. The hard life on Neron provided soldiers who by the time of their recruiting were more veteran than most guard regiments. This combined with the disciplined life of the oasis’s made for excellent soldiers.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2009, 01:20:18 PM by JackofBlades »

Offline malicant

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #1 on: March 9, 2009, 08:16:26 PM »
Interesting read.  You've clearly put thought into this and the idea of using radioactive fuel to work factories without greenhouse gasses is clever. 

However, there are quite a few grammar mistakes and badly chosen words that take away from your story.  With a re-read and some editing you'll have a fine piece of fluff.  Good idea for an army and good luck creating it.

PS:  Let me be the first to welcome you to 40k online :).

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2009, 11:19:49 AM »
Thanks. I am currently editing and revisiting the story.

Offline TheBigBadPanda

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2009, 11:52:14 AM »
As said there are a few grammar mistakes and badly chosen words, but the fluff is cool, will be nice to see when the army starts to take form  :)
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Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2009, 01:22:36 PM »
I have now updated my first post. Here is some more fluff on Neron and the snowguard.

Home world:
Prior to the catastrophe Neron was a pleasant world not unlike Terra before during the dark age of technology. Despite that their were several hives it never became as polluted as many other hive worlds. After the catastrophe and the nuclear winter that followed it, Neron is an ice world. At some points the ice is almost five kilometres thick before reaching the surface. Of many of the hives only the uppermost stories are above the ice.
The only places which can be considered population spots are the oasis’s. The term oasis can mean anything as long as it provides sanctuary. Often oasis are the top floors of old hive buildings or military bases that were built after the ice. Whatever their former function they are now all used to provide the Neronians with a place save from the elements. They ice planes of Neron are home to some very strange creatures: from the huge Reckmanwhale to the very small snowlemur. In the old hives and ruines however much darker things make their home. The most numerous of these vile things are the mutants, but there are also various rumours and sightings of chaos spawns in the region surrounding the Ygulthmar crater.

Culture:
For a long time what little culture was on Neron, was focused only on survival. This is still evident today. Most people live in the oasis’s and the only ones to venture outward frequently are the PDF or imperial guard recruits. This focus on survival has given rise to a strong sense of community and discipline. The Neronian men and women are a hard breed, capable of enduring stress that would drive most others insane.
One of the greatest boon any Neronian can bestow on a outsider is the act of companionship. This is an ancient ritual consisting giving an amulet containing a drop ones blood to the soon to be companion. This ritual is very similar to marriage and it is indeed common for a couple to also be companions. However the bond of companion isn’t exclusive to lovers, it is also quite common between battle brothers. Companionship is not a thing taking lightly by a Neronian. A companion is expected to do everything for their companion.
Since the coming of the Imperium live has been better however slightly. Medicine and food are now regularly shipped in, together with other provisions. Although the cult of the Emperor is as strong as it is on any planet it has mostly meshed with the older religion. The decreeds of the echlassiary aren’t followed as strictly as on some other worlds.
Rule of the planet belongs to an Imperial governor although this post is nothing more than a form of exile. The governor rules from a space station and only handles the shipping from the planet and the raising of Neron regiments. On the planet the caretakers still hold near absolute power.

Neronian regiments:
Every regiment raised on Neron is of the armoured infantry variety. A squad is assigned a chimera with is their transport for all time, becoming something of a home. In battle Neronians normally use a full mechanised assault supported by tanks. An attack of a Neronian regiment has been likened to a avalanche for it is almost impossible to resist.
The gear of a Neronian soldier is always uniform: a hazard suit covered by a trench coat and a gas mask. This gear is derived directly from the hazard suits used by de VEF. The expressionless gasmask and strict restriction on personalisation of the uniform make sure that each and every soldier looks almost exactly the same. There are many reasons for this. Mainly it is to confuse an opponent for he will not know if faces a veteran or a recruit. Furthermore it instils a sense of equality and the feeling that they are all soldiers for the Emperor. Neronian battle doctrine stresses getting the mission done. Soldiers are seen as weapons and therefore expendable. This doesn’t mean that a soldiers life is to be thrown away but that the loss of men should not be a reason to abort a mission.
Neronians are notoriously grim and merciless during battle offering no respite to those who take up arms to the Imperium. Neronians also harbour a deep dislike for mutants of every kind, although they will fight besides them for the Emperor. The track record of Neronian regiments is almost spotless, with only 1 percent of regiments rebelling. A Neronian soldier knows that the welfare of their planet depends on them.
Despite their grim reputation on the battlefield Neronian are great friends and brothers in arms. Standing besides those who they have dubbed their allies to the bitter end. A rare and to the Neronians sacred ritual is that of companionship. From that point on the accepted one is considered a Neron by all and can count on Neronian support forever. This doesn’t happen often, but it is known that Neronian will defy orders to rescue one of their companion.

Offline Myen'Tal

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #5 on: March 10, 2009, 02:42:57 PM »
Nice fluff, JackofBlades. Definately liking it so far, an interesting background. The issues have been pointed out, so I'll just say good work. Is the planet still infested with mutants or has it been cleansed after the Imperials arrived?

Offline TheBigBadPanda

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2009, 02:55:34 PM »
has the imperium done any researches into the Ygulthmar crater? feells to me as though the inquisition would have interest in it.

and i definently like what you have written so far, keep up the good work.
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Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2009, 05:24:04 PM »
The planet is still infested due to the extreme conditions the cleansing would take to much time and effort. As for the crater the inquisition has send an expedition there but it vanished at this point there observing it from the space station and it is quarantaind (no idea how you write that one).

Offline premetheus

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2009, 06:58:25 PM »
so what kind of population size we looking at? is the planets atmosphere gradually recovering as this was a man made incident?

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2009, 03:44:55 AM »
Well I'm not yet sure on how large the population is. I am thinking about maybe three billion. As for the recovery proces that isn't happening. The planet has become locked in its current state.

Offline premetheus

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2009, 06:12:08 AM »

Like the idea overall quite interested to see it develop some more and well hope this is helpful.

3 billion on a world that has 5 miles of ice and who's atmosphere is screwed. Unless the planet was insanely huge and/or there has been a massive influx of people since the Imperium came back eg 2.5 billion+

I would say your population would be well below the billion mark if not in the tens of millions.

Unless they have worked out a way to produce food on a large enough scale the stuff left behind from before would not be enough to have sustained the population. So origional Neronians would be in a massive minority if you were looking at at population of more than a few 10s of million.
 

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #11 on: March 11, 2009, 07:53:08 AM »
I was thinking something like subterean farms to provide food for the people. Ice and snow tend to isolate a fair bit. So I'm thinking huge underground caverns under ice where stuff is being grown. Also there has been an population boost since the oasis have been discovered. Still you're probaly right and I should make it less.
I have written to (very) short pieces about two of the main characters to flesh them out a bit. It's about an assault on a rebel base on some planet. The first story is about General Sebastian Van, the commanding officer of the regiment and the second is about a gunner from a Hellhound Del Fern. Constructive criticism is always welcome. So here they are:

General Sebastian Van:
There was a collective gasp that went through the command tent as the young fair-haired lieutenant pulled his laspistol. The colonels and other high officers looked in shock as he aimed the gun at the head of the man leading the talks. A man who only slowly seemed to realise that something was wrong. Sebastian Var, general of the 112th Neronian Snowguards ‘The Avalanche’ division looked up in the young lieutenants’ face and the barrel of the laspistol. He raised his hand to the guards to tell them to stand down.
‘Lieutenant MacFal what in the Emperors most hallowed name do you think your doing?’ barked colonel MacGreal spit falling in great red beard. The lieutenant didn’t answer but kept his pistol pointed at Sebastian’s head.
‘I asked what the in the name of the Emperor are you doing Lieutenant?’ the colonel asked again, a murderous undertone having crept in his voice. The eyes of the young lieutenant flicked to his commanding officer and with a slight tremor he spoke.
‘This bastard is going to leave my boys to die colonel. I know he is. You know how these Neronian bastards think, they hate my boys and would be only to glad to see them martyred in name of the Emperor.’ The last words were spoken with such bitterness that Sebastian pulled up an eyebrow in surprise.
‘I don’t believe we have met, lieutenant. Can you tell me your grievances?’ he spoke in a remarkable calm voice. MacFal was clearly surprised by the calm and politeness of the general’s question. Confused he looked in the icy blue eyes of the dark haired general.
‘On Neron it’s generally considered bad manners to threaten someone who doesn’t know you.’ During the conversation the Generals aide hand had crept closer to her auto pistol. With a flick of his hand he ordered her not to intervene, from the look in her eyes she clearly disagreed. Sweat began to form on the lieutenants head; this wasn’t going down as he thought it would.
‘I am Lieutenant Dam MacFal, ogryn auxiliary forces, 569th Galim, sir’ he stammered looking at the general’s face.
‘Ah’ he said ‘that explains a lot. No lieutenant you are right I don’t care for your ‘boys’ as you call them. However I’ve never sacrificed a soldier that was willing to fight for me and I’m not about to start now.’ Sebastian gestured to the command table.
‘Would you like to see the battle plan for tomorrow?’ he asked. MacFal nodded, swallowing hard.
‘Natasha’ the general said gesturing at the holotable ‘would you be so kind as to show us the plans for tomorrow?’ At once his aid walked to the table and punched up the battle plans.
‘As you know an energy shield prevents us form simply bombarding the enemy in submission. And the main defence makes a frontal assault to costly. So I have decided that the Snowguard will assault the main power generator located two clicks to the east of the base.’ The holotable changed and instead of the base it showed a spherical building and an extensive trench system guarding it. 
‘The Galim will infiltrate from the other side and attempt to kill the enemy commander.’ The holotable once again changed showing the enemy base again, an arrow pointing to the one of the taller buildings.
‘You will of course accompany your regiment. If al goes well you’ll encounter minimal resistance as the enemy will be to preoccupied with me and my forces. Lastly Major Sasha and his miners will disable the main defence turrets.’ Sebastian waved a hand to indicate a small square man in the lively of the Sardonian Miners.
‘Two hours after the start of the operation. Commander Jaeger…’ A man in the white and blue uniform of the Xerxian armoured companies nodded.
‘will lead an armoured assault on the base, supported by the artillery of major Felching. If all goes well we have taken the base with minimal losses. During the fist stages of this operation radio silence is imperative. This does mean that commander Jaeger will not know if he’s leading his troops to victory of in a death-trap. Are you satisfied lieutenant?’
The question was asked not in a sarcastic way one might expect but as if the general was generally looking for a mistake in his plan. Sweat dripping from his nose the Lieutenant nodded.
‘Then you’re excused lieutenant. Go prepare your men.’
Letting out a sigh MacFal awkwardly holstered his pistol and turned around. Staggering he left the tent.
‘A thousand excuses general’ MacGreal began. But Sebastian raised his hand to stop him.
‘It’s alright colonel. The man was concerned about the man under his command and that I can forgive.’ Sebastian turned around to address the lord commissar Helbricht.
‘Assign Mikhail to his unit; make sure he doesn’t anything stupid.’
The huge lord commissar, great coat on his soldiers nodded.
‘Well gentlemen I do believe’ he continued ‘that we’re finished here. Let’s go and prepare our troops.’

Trooper Del Fern:
Trooper Del Fern grinned as he turned on the inferno cannon, bathing the trench in flames. A young man, Fern was almost the antitheses of the typical Snowguard. Cheery and sometimes a bit unstable he had never quite fit in with the regimented life in his home the oasis Halgar. At the age of sixteen he was caught with a couple of his friends burning some trash in one of the oasis’s storages. The caretaker had given him a choice: join the guard or spent three years in the brig. Fern had chosen the guard. Although he had hated it at first, it was all worth it once he had seen a Hellhound. From the very moment he had laid eyes on one burning an outpost to the ground in seconds. Fern had decided what he wanted to be. He requested transfer, got it. And had been the model soldier ever since. Burn out those trenches the general had said and being a good soldier Fern had done just that. The enemy, dirty rebels who opposed Terra’s glorious rule, milled about frantically in the now flaming trench, desperately trying to extinguish the flames.
‘That’s enough Fern’ Lok, the short heavyset commander of the Hellhound, told him.
‘You’re no fun boss’ Fern replied.
‘There’re still other trenches to cleanse. Besides if you continue you’re liable to hit on of our own.’
Fern now saw his brother and sister Snowguards storming the trenches. Lasguns and autopistols blazing they made short work of the few whimpering survivors. The white of their greatcoats contrasted with the dark brown of the mud and the green of whatever vegetation had survived the flaming. The Hellhound lurched as it moved on to the other trenches. The assault was going well and it wouldn’t take long or the power generator and the bunker guarding it would fall. Heavy las beams streaked across the battlefield as one of the bunkers defence turrets came alive. Across the battlefield a Hellhound went up in blazes as a las beam ignited it fuels storages.
‘Frag did you see that!’ Ord, the driver and youngest of the crew, yelled.
‘Damn it that was Derges’ Lok cursed ‘where’re the Leman Russes? Those turrets need to be taken care of!’
‘There they come, the fifth and second from the looks of it’ Fern said. A bit taken back by the death of one of the six hellhounds the Snowguard had with them.
‘Alright, Ord get us out of range. I’ll signal the general.’
The hellhound drove backwards, letting the Leman Russes pas it by. Fern winced as he saw one of the chimeras go up in smoke. He send a quick prayer to the God-Emperor to watch over the souls of his dead comrades. Back home he never had taken in interesting in praying, but he had quickly learned to do everything that could prolong his life. The slope leading to the bunker was covered with bodies now. Fern sighed with relief as he saw that the green of the rebels greatly outnumbered the white of the Snowguard. Go get them boys and girls he thought to himself. Suddenly the entrance of the bunker was bathed in light from dozens of las rounds as new rebels poured out on the battlefield. The Snowguards advance was halted by the arrival of these new fresh enemies.
‘Frag!’ Fern cursed ‘Where did they come from? Lok, we have to support the assault on the bunker.’
‘We can’t do anything, until those turrets are taken out’ the words hadn’t left Loks mouth or the first went up, wrecked by a demolisher round from one of the Leman Russes. A second later the second went up. This time by a couple of guardsman who had planted their demolition charges on the bottom of the turret. Fern gasped as he saw their opening. Running on one side of the battlefield was a ditch that was normally covered by the second turret but lay open now.
‘Hey Lok, you see that?’
‘What?’ was Loks tense reply.
‘A ditch at four o’ clock could be our passageway.’
‘Sacred Terra, good eye Fern. Good eye.’
Quickly the hellhound drove around to the ditch.
‘This is going to be tight’ Ord warned.
‘No problem she’ll make it’ Lok said reassuringly. And indeed she did. A minute later the white mud spattered hull of the hellhound rose from the ditch. Fern had sent out a warning over the comm making sure that none of theirs was caught in the flames. He fired the inferno cannon, bathing the entrance of the bunker in burning hot promethium, shielded by the wreckage of the defence turret. Laughing Fern called down to his to comrades: ‘I love the smell of burning rebel in the morning.’
‘It’s an afternoon Fern’ came Loks dry reply.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2009, 01:10:21 PM by JackofBlades »

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #12 on: March 13, 2009, 05:19:14 PM »
I finished another story for one of my main characters an enginseer this time.

Enginseer Arkiman:
Arkiman looked at the carnage that surrounded him, feeling a hint of sadness at such a waste. The bodies of Snowguard and Rebel alike littered the field. The sight of several burned out chimera’s and one Leman Russ made him sigh. With creaks from his mechanical joints he stepped out of his own chimera and on to the battlefield.
‘Come on girl’ he said with a eerie mechanical voice and a small dog walked in sight. Bounding down the ramp she came to a sliding stop as she sniffed the air, an air full of death and destruction. With a whimper she looked up to what was left of Arkimans face.
‘It’ll be fine’ he said in voice that despite his best efforts to sound reassuring still was dead and monotone. The dog seemed to be satisfied tough and started wagging her tail once more. Putting her nose on the ground as she went in search for a couple of places to mark.
‘Don’t go to far’ Arkiman warned, feeling a genuine wave of concern at the dogs careless departure. He sighed, as if she ever listnened to him when she had picked up a scent. With a mental command he sent one of the waiting servitors after her. With more creaks of his joints he began the march to the first of the wrecks, a severely damaged chimera from the looks of it. As he came closer however he smelled promethium. Frag he thought this was one of the divisions Hellhounds. That meant that there were only five left now. He ousted another mechanical sigh. The chief wasn’t going to like this, not one bit.
Arkiman wasn’t the typical enginseer. Unlike many of his brethren he had been a soldier for most of his years. Even on Neron however his aptitude for the mechanical was clear. Ignoring the wishes of the caretaker and his parents Arkiman, then still known as Les Furrow, had chosen for the Snowguard instead of the Adeptus Mechanicus. He had served with distinction in several battles and campaigns but that wasn’t meant to last long. On Grifioen IV, a hive world, he was caught in the explosion of a plasma reactor. Through some miracle he had survived, but his body was nothing but a burned shell. His arms and legs were burned away leaving stumps, his lungs were damaged beyond repair, his eyes were fused shut, his tongue was gone. The only way to save him were mysterious techniques from the brotherhood of Mars. They were only to glad to have him. Even then Arkiman had been rebellious. Instead of going to Mars to be properly trained in the ways of the Mechanicus, he had opted to stay with his brothers and sisters in the 112th, becoming a enginseer.
He had taken another name to remind himself that Les Furrow was dead. His life had ended on Grifioen IV. He had been a soldier, Arkiman was a slave to the Mechanicus. The Adeptus had expected much from him and when he made clear that he wouldn’t work for them they had presented him with the bill. He had to work for them or else maintenance would stop and he would, eventually, rust away. Only the general was aware that the strange enginseer and the promising young soldier were one and the same. Arkiman had begged him not to tell others of his situation and he had agreed reluctantly. Still Arkiman thought to himself it wasn’t all bad. There was the dog. Somewhat unsuccessful he chuckled, ah yes there was the dog. A strange story that, as strange as his in a way. He had found her in the ruins of Tlexur together with a young dying boy. He hadn’t been able to save to boy, but when the end was near he had picked up the dog and had given her to him. She had looked him the eyes, or implants, and pied on his robes. He remembered he had smiled at this display of total lack of respect.
At first he had tried to give her away, leaving her with different men and women every morning. She had always come back to his quarters, sitting patiently at his door. The moment she saw him she started to wag her tail and looked at him as if to say: sure it’s a fun game but I’m getting rather tired of it aren’t you? After a week and a half he had given up and kept her with him. Soon the two became a familiar if strange sight. The large humourless cyborg enginseer and the small brown lively dog.
Heaving his heavy frame up he finished his inspection on the Hellhound. As he had expected the main fuel storage had taken a las round and then exploded. Except maybe the odd bits and pieces from the control panel there was nothing to be taken from the burned out hole. Quietly he sent a prayer to the machine god for the departed machine spirit. He turned around and with the usual creaks from his joints walked to one of the other wrecks on the field.

Offline Awfully Dandy

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #13 on: March 13, 2009, 05:57:07 PM »
I really like your concepts. Love to see you make the characters interact with each other.

Offline Markamaru91

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #14 on: March 13, 2009, 07:18:37 PM »
This fluff is awesome. Keep up the good work. And your English isn't bad at all.

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2009, 08:48:43 AM »
Thanks everyone. I'm currently working on a couple of characters and on the main story. What I currently have is that a former Imperial Commander has discovered ancient cloning facilities and is under the influence of a sorcerer who has convinced him to conguer twelve planets in a ritual that the former commander thinks will shut all warp hole. While in reality it will open a warp hole rivalling the eye of terror in size.

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2009, 03:27:41 AM »
I've started on my main story in the meanwhile I've finished another character. Enjoy.

Lieutenant Trojan Basil:
Lieutenant Trojan Basil, commanding officer of the sixth platoon from the second company ran his bayonet through the rebel, pulling the trigger at the same time. Looking through the small eyepieces of his gasmask he saw the rebels surprised look. Slowly he looked down to the hole in his stomach and fell backwards.
‘That’s the last of them, sir’ trooper Trey told him, using the radio built into the gasmask. Talking with one on was nearly impossible and not very practical on a battlefield.
‘Sir I just got word from the general the generator is out. Mission accomplished’ his vox-officer Anna chimed in. Trojan led out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding.
‘Alright’ he started but was cut of by sergeant Rashik.
‘Sir’ the grizzled old veterans voice sounded warped by the transmission ‘we’ve found something. I think you should check it out.’
‘Copy that. We’re coming up’ Together with the rest of his squad he advanced deeper into the bunker until they met up with Rashik.
‘This way, sir’ he said, his voice coming through clear now. He led the rest of the platoon to the back of the bunker. Here the rest of his squad was covering a reinforced door with their las carbines ready.
‘We think this was how those reinforcements came through, sir.’ Rashik explained ‘door’s locked on the other side though.’
Biting on is lower lip Trojan looked at the door. If they left it unguarded it could provide the enemy with an escape route and leave the a flank exposed. But he also knew that every man was needed for the assault on the main enemy base. He signalled Anna to him.
‘Get me a line to the general’ he ordered. She pulled off her gasmask and nodded. Putting the heavy vox-set down she started dialling up the general. Trojan looked at the young woman as she went to work, expertly turning the knobs. She spoke a couple of words in the phone and handed it to him.
‘This’s general Sebastian Van talk to me lieutenant’ the general voice came through clearly. Even over the vox it had that commanding quality.
‘General’ Trojan answered ‘this’s is lieutenant Basil from the sixth of the second, sir. We’ve found some sort of passage way. I believe it leads directly to the enemy stronghold.’ The line went silent for several second. When the general answered, his voice came through so abruptly Trojan nearly jumped.
‘Are you sure, lieutenant?’
‘Yes, sir’ he answered.
 ‘Good this’s what we’re going to do Lieutenant. I’m sending the third and fourth to your position. You’ve the command and are going to scout out the tunnel. See where it leads and come back, don’t and I repeat don’t engage enemy. This is a scouting mission, when you’ve determined where the tunnel leads get back and report to me. If you’re discovered, you’re to pull out and block the tunnel. Understood, Lieutenant?’
‘Yes, sir’ he replied ‘Scout don’t engage and when discovered block the tunnel. Understood, sir’
‘Good man, Lieutenant. Get back alive.’
‘Yes, sir’ he gave the phone back to Anna and turned to Rashik. Quickly he relayed the orders. The grizzled sergeant nodded. And went to work planting the bombs. They retreaded to a bend in the corridor and waited for the reinforcements. After a couple of minutes they heard footsteps. Trojan pulled his gasmask back on and turned around to greet the others. He sucked in his breaths his saw the all to familiar face, or lack thereof, of commissar Haydar the most feared individual in the division. On Hirkan he had been assaulted by a kriegbear, fearsome creatures used by the orks of that world as riding beasts, who had clawed his face of. Ever since he had worn a black obsidian mask and has steadily become more unstable. On Grifioen IV Trojan had seen him execute troopers for falling back in face of a defiler to a position which could be more easily defended. Ever since he had done his best to stay unnoticed by the grim commissar. And now fate had placed them together, he swallowed hard. 
‘Are you ready, lieutenant’ the raspy voice from the commissar sounded very close coming from the radio link in Trojans helmet.
‘Yes, sir’ he answered trying to hide his nervousness.
‘Then lead the way’ the commissar said drawing his sabre.
‘Yes, sir’ he turned around to Rashik and gave him a short nod. With a flick of his thumb the sergeant opened the door.

Offline premetheus

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2009, 06:28:35 AM »
Nice just one thing to add as he is only a lieutenant in a company he would not have the codes/frequency to communicate with the general direct. He would have to go through his company command first.

So you could either add in another conversation or just describe the time and conversation being had by his vox operator to try and get put through to the generals command. Or you could explain that they have an emergency code for important stuff like this that gets you through to high command but then you would talk to an aide who would then ask you stuff before passing this on to the general.

Who probably they would have to go find/talk to then he would call back and talk directly as obviously this is very important.

Offline JackofBlades

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2009, 11:52:06 AM »
I kind of have the feeling that with something this important you would go directly to the guy in charge instead of following the entire chain of command.
And Anna first gets the generals aide on the line, but she deals with that and when she gets the general she hands the vox to Trojan.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2009, 12:02:12 PM by JackofBlades »

Offline premetheus

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Re: Imperial Guard fluff: Neronian Snowguard
« Reply #19 on: March 15, 2009, 02:04:06 PM »
Yeah thats cool it but as you have wrote

"She spoke a couple of words in the phone and handed it to him."
"This’s general Sebastian Van talk to me lieutenant’

The sense of time given is almost instantaneous, now if you expand on the first sentence by either dealing with her actual conversation or the observation of the conversation by Lieutenant Trojan Basil and create a longer sense of time it would help.

Or at some point earlier you could mention that all platoon commanders upwards have the ability to get direct contact with the generals camp if something of enough importance is found.

This is the problem we can often get with shorts we mention something that seems quite mundane but when examined is actually out of the norm so often we need to communicate an explanation to the reader.








 


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