I just realized I sent you a PM but I'm posting here too because some people miss the PM system of the forum at first. Mostly just wanted to ensure you got an invite to POC EO for your work developing your own craftworld is all. I think you've done an excellent job and I really enjoy your hq section [1 choice, and a phoenix lord on top of that!].
So yeah, hope you enjoy your stay here at 40ko.
Edited to include review:
Background: 1
This section is exceptionally complete, featuring an in-depth discussion of the history of the army behind the army list, it's intended opposition, the job each unit is to perform, and the environment it will be played in. I can get a clear idea of how this army is intended to be played, almost turn by turn, by reading through the information you've included. Perhaps my only bone of contention is tying Maugan Ra down for an infinite period of time with a particular craftworld; I'd like to see this handled more as representative of a specific period of time in Daefaroth's history. But that minor quibble aside, it's a pretty ace presentation of an army list, and worthy of the 1.0 the background section has obtained.
Composition: .75
The weak point in your list composition IMO is the lack of any fast attack selections in favor of two wraithlords. I can understand the need for it and as it is your only duplication it's not too big a deal, but... I disagree with Wraithlords with EML and BL as being a very good anti-tank option. Neither of these weapons eliminates cover, does much to armor 14, or pounds out enough hits to cripple a tank in a single go, even on penetrating hits. Additionally they are selected for reliable AT yet you have exactly one warlock. I just noticed you are using the shadowseer to deflect wraithsight, which is a novel idea to me. I've come around to your implementation as a result. However, you have still missed an important area of our FOC and are thereby passing up on opportunities which other units may not provide.
However, you have a very good contingent of scoring units and an excellent KP value, and your unit variety and role variety is very good within the limited number of units you are fielding. So, you get a .75 for composition.
Utility: .5
The serpent lacking stones gets in the way of it's ability to perform the objective-contesting role you've assigned to it, and is actually a lack of an essential upgrade rather than wise points-shaving. Also, keeping it in motion makes the second main cannon a bad investment. The jetbikes are not likely to do much of anything without a whole lot of luck, and they are far too easy to scare off - a single shooting wound will do it, meaning an AT gun when your vehicles are still offboard, moving fast, or dead. The shuriken cannon is not essential to a grab and go bike unit and will cause you to expose them unnecessarily at an inopportune time. The harlequins are one under where they ought to be; the loss of the scatter laser on the serpent, or the shuriken cannon from the serpent and the jetbike, should enable you to address this.
Additionally, the jetbikes and the harlequins are not optimized for morale.
The way you describe most of your units roles, I feel that you are not generally expecting too much from them, and they should be able to accomplish their goals in most cases while allowing you to advance your battle plans. I still feel the serpent is feeling conflicted with the added guns and the lack of stones, and additionally, if you read your goals for the jetbikes it seems like you plan on not using them whenever possible - a valid tactic, but not one that necessitates their inclusion. For instance, a few more pathfinders/rangers could potentially drop a monstrous creature in one round. the inclusion of the jetbikes in this list may not be warrented.
Flexibility: .75
Minor comments here. A spear on the guardian warlock makes them quite good at tanks [combined with the scatterlaser]. A good mix on infantry and fast elements by unit, though again, the jetbikes could probably be handled to better effect without the cannon. A good mix of quantity and quality units, with most units having multiple roles at their disposal. However, try to ensure that simple things, such as a 10 man tac squad with a powerfist in a rhino, won't answer for most of your units. I think you've accomplished this for the most part through your variety and unit builds. Your list is a little weak on certain vehicles but should be able to pull through.
Ingenuity: .75
I really like what you've done with lots of areas, the inclusion of a general plan of battle in an overall strategy, the consideration of some of your weakpoints and the shadowseer for wraithsight, which may not be new to others but II've never considered it before. Where this section could use improvement is specifics dealing with handling vehicles, which you see as one of your biggest threats. Especially those that can get 4+ cover with ease as they approach and don't need to survive to do their damage [think rhinos with smoke launchers and a nasty cargo]. If you can see a weakpoint so can your opponent, and turning it into a strength somehow would be a good move, as it is likely to be an opening the opponent will seek to exploit.
Final score: 3.75
You've got a very well-planned army with many competent selections, and provided you can control the flow of battle you should be able to achieve success with this army list. A great job for what is, as far as I'm aware, your first list posted on this forum.