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Author Topic: 40k contest- funny parody  (Read 7185 times)

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Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #20 on: February 16, 2007, 02:16:25 AM »
This is becoming a GREAT story. Cant wait for more :D
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline Tyranid_Wannabe

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2007, 12:42:25 AM »
Chapter 5

The Space Tavern was dark and murky; just being in it sent a chill down my spine. It was very eerie. Saladin was shuddering.

“Okay so, if it’s so bad, what should I know about the Space Tavern?” I inquired.

“Alright. Let me put it this way… The Space Tavern is the home of some of the lowliest scum in all the 40k boards. Its population includes spammers, flamers and trolls. However, there are more foul creatures then spammers in the depth of the space tavern. The worst of all are the corrupted 40k members who dwell in the space tavern, amongst the spammers. Few have ever survived their first encounters with these “taverners”."

“Okay, so basically, be afraid of everything…” I said, panting. Just helping a Space Marine stand was hard work.

“Hey, you’re a Guardsman…” began Saladin, snidely. “You’re should already be afraid of everything!”

Then the howls started.

Deformed mutants started to run towards us, with knives unsheathed.

“Look out: spammers! Quick! Fire at them!” yelled Saladin.

I let go of the Space Marine, dropped to one knee, and fired. It seemed as though even my lasgun made short work of the spammers. I was a bit surprised, in fact, by how well it was working. Many spammers were blasted off their feet, but more and more seemed to replace them. I was being overwhelmed. I stopped shooting. I was surrounded. The spammers looked gleefully towards me, awaiting their next meal - or thread to spam in and raise their post count. It looked as though I would be their next victim.

Suddenly I heard a roar.

The Space Marine jumped up and withdrew his bolt pistol. Spammers exploded in a fountain of gore. The space marine lifted his daemon hammer and swiped at those unfortunate spammers who were within swing range. The nearby spammers were crushed by the massive hammer.

“Now we are even, puny guardsman.” said the Space Marine, smiling grimly.

“Thanks for that…” I said, relieved.

All of a sudden, the spammers returned, along with other mutants and horrible denizens of the boards. They were led by a calmly floating figure who seemed to be controlling the mindless hoard.

“Oh no… it’s a moderator - the most foul moderator there is - a space tavern moderator…” whispered Saladin, terrified.

The rabble was upon us again. The moderator was laughing evilly and manically while watching our plight.

The laughing stopped short. The moderator was slumped on the ground. The rabble of spammers, flamers and trolls looked behind themselves to discover their leader dead.

They did the only thing a rabble knows what to do when its leader dies - they fled. As the rabble fled, a figure parted through the crowd. It was clothed in a deep red robe, and the sound of machines came from beneath it. The figured moved forward, past the moderator. Then I noticed that its axe was stained with the moderators blood and then I saw what the figure was.

It was an Adeptus Mechanicus Tech-priest.
Heed my wisdom, ignore my ignorance

Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #22 on: February 23, 2007, 05:53:40 AM »
Good work, I'd have to say though not as good as the previous installments but anyway its still good  :D
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline Tyranid_Wannabe

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #23 on: February 27, 2007, 04:08:54 AM »
Chapter 6

I swear its only working eye looked at me and I shuddered from the sheer malice of the figure although it was half-robotic creature. Then it smiled.

Suddenly, in a flash, the tech priest ran towards us- definitely being faster than any creature I had ever seen before, even the speedy elder. With three quick stokes, the tech-priest had cut deep into the space marine, before he could even act. The space marine immediately crumpled and he didn’t move again. The space marine was dead.

“By the Emperor! How do you move so fast?!?” I exclaimed
The tech-priest pulled a cruel, sinister smile.
Through my time spent communing with machines, I have found how to become invincible.” Stated the tech-priest, still smiling evilly.

“How?” I asked, in utter disbelief.

“It’s simple. I have found the key to ultimate power… I use hacks!” Declared the Tech-priest, maniacally.

Then I knew I was going to die, I would be powerless to stop the tech-priest from cutting me to ribbons, thanks to his awesome hacking skills. Then to my humiliation, the tech-priest started to talk 1337 (leet) just to piss me off. He knew us n00bish guardsmen had no way to understand his pro language. I closed my eyes, waiting for the end to come.

However instead of an axe to the face, the tech-priest just froze looking over me. I followed his gaze and saw the most terrifying thing I had ever seen in my life, but I knew exactly what it was. It was The Rasmus- and he looked pissed.

“You dare to take advantage of 40konline and use your foul hacking powers, along with filling 40konline with your stupid leet. Now I will sentence you to utter Ban-nation” Boomed The Rasmus, powerfully.

With that, The Rasmus pointed his finger and the tech-priest shuddered. A custom title appeared over the tech-priests head saying “Forum moron, hacker” before the tech-priest vanished.

The Rasmus then walked away- it seems he had overlooked me. As he went, Rasmus was muttering something about sending some pms warnings to some spammers, and then suddenly, he was gone.

As soon as The Rasmus had left, I motioned to Saladin to follow me and we ran out of the space tavern. As we ran out, I noticed two figures following us.

That couldn’t be good…


Hope you enjoyed this chapter ;D
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Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #24 on: February 28, 2007, 12:00:16 AM »
IT was all good except the opening: "I swear its only working eye looked at me and I shuddered from the sheer malice of the figure although it was half-robotic creature. Then it smiled."

Somthing is wrong with that but im not sure what...

Overall i still liked it :D
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline Commissar Harke

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #25 on: March 1, 2007, 02:26:03 PM »
Lol! pure genius, very funny. :D
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Offline Admiral Stukov

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #26 on: March 8, 2007, 07:25:03 PM »
love the stories man. keep up the good work!


“Okay, so basically, be afraid of everything…” I said, panting. Just helping a Space Marine stand was hard work.

“Hey, you’re a Guardsman…” began Saladin, snidely. “You’re should already be afraid of everything!”


Offline Guildmage Aech

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #27 on: March 13, 2007, 07:58:53 PM »
Ah, just like the old days when Rasmus used to patrol the boards unceasingly. He is a cybord you know; and never slept. I think you should include his supernatural ability to shift threads to boards they belong in before people could even notice...

Its kind of a cool story actually.
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Offline Admiral Stukov

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #28 on: March 24, 2007, 10:07:44 PM »
cmon man make some new stories, there awsome


“Okay, so basically, be afraid of everything…” I said, panting. Just helping a Space Marine stand was hard work.

“Hey, you’re a Guardsman…” began Saladin, snidely. “You’re should already be afraid of everything!”


Offline Invisible Elephant

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #29 on: March 24, 2007, 10:11:01 PM »
"bad TW, get back to work." Cionnaith turns TW around and spanks him all the way to hi room.
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Offline Tyranid_Wannabe

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #30 on: March 25, 2007, 04:27:29 AM »
Yeah sorry guys, school and life has been busy. However I'll have another chapter up in a few days. I promise ;D ;D
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Offline Admiral Stukov

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2007, 12:24:48 AM »
ya man life is alot more enjoyable than surfing this site

ps. just curiose y would u spank tw?
« Last Edit: March 26, 2007, 12:26:08 AM by TechMarine OnBike wth LC »


“Okay, so basically, be afraid of everything…” I said, panting. Just helping a Space Marine stand was hard work.

“Hey, you’re a Guardsman…” began Saladin, snidely. “You’re should already be afraid of everything!”


Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #32 on: March 26, 2007, 01:44:07 AM »
Maybe Cionnaith likes that kinda stuff? I dunno?

Ok now before this thread is abolished lets get it back on topic.
Ahem.. Tw Get back to work! The REAL work too, on your story, not this puny life nonsence. ;)
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline Tyranid_Wannabe

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #33 on: March 26, 2007, 02:08:56 AM »
Ok guys here is two chapters  ;D
I didn't quite like the last 2 lines in chapter 8 but I couldn't really think of something else :-\
Anyway I hope you like it :)

Chapter 7

Indeed, two figures following you in a last man standing contest was not the best news. The two figures were also very persistent, no matter how long I ran, weaved and zigzagged around and behind objects they were always behind me. Eventually I had enough, I powered up my lasgun and I dropped to one knee- prepared to fight. I then made out the two figures. One was a giant hulking chaos space marine with a massive powerfist and a glowing plasma pistol. The other figure was a man dressed in a cadian uniform however it was ripped and faded. He also had a tentacle for an arm and nose looked more like an angry bull’s. It was a traitor guardsman. I felt sick- these were soldiers who had turned away from the emperor’s light and followed the despicable gods of chaos.

I muttered a quick prayer to the emperor
“Your false emperor will not save you weakling” boomed the chaos space marine
“He’s right, why the emperor would want to save you is a mystery” piped in Saladin
“Even your guide thinks you cannot win” hissed the traitor guardsmen.
At that the traitor charged, his lap pistol blasting and his power sword unsheathed. I returned fire with quick blasts from my lasgun. We stood, 20 metres apart blasting each other with our las weaponry.

After about ten minutes later we were still firing each at each other, both unharmed from our lasguns or laspistols.
“Screw this, it will take forever if we keep shooting” yelled the traitor, he then charged with his power weapon

Not good I thought. Although I had easily survived any laser hits, a power sword was a different weapon. I would be split in half by its sheer awesomeness alone never mind its ability to cut through anything. I only had enough time for one shot left till I was charged. With my lasgun powered to full, I felt I gave the most accurate shot of my life.

The traitor was struck in the eye, while not doing any permeant damage however it did blind him. The traitor then slipped while charging and fell on his power sword- disembowelling himself. I had killed the traitor!

Saladin and the chaos space marine could only stare at my victory (well, fluke) with their mouths opened in shock.


Chapter 8

“Right now little guardsmen, you may have defeated my accomplice but your luck won’t hold out against me” snarled the chaos space marine.
“Just make sure you have your cosy 3+ armour save available” I retorted
The chaos space marine’s smiling face turned into pure hatred and anger.

“Oh great” sighed Saladin. “This guy is one of the most savage, brutal and best close combat fighters in the galaxy and you just pissed him off, I just hope you have your flashlight ready.”

With that the chaos space marine charged whilst roaring obscenities which would have made the word censor go crazy. I picked up the traitors power weapon in one hand and I held my lasgun with the bayonet in the other. I let off numerous well aimed shots however they seemed to have no affect on the chaos space marine at all. Then it was close combat. I thrust with my bayonet, but the chaos space marine caught it with his powerfist and crushed it, crushing the bayonet as well in his mighty hand. Then with a punch he got me right in the chest with his powerfist. I flew twenty metres backwards and slammed into the wall. I gasped for breath- at least a few of my ribs were broken, which was not good. Before I could even get to my feet or reach for my powersword the chaos space marine was standing above me. He had his plasma pistol aimed point Blanc range at my head.

“Well, you certainly scared me little guardsmen” laughed the chaos space marine- with obvious sarcasm in his voice. “Now you must die.”
With that he pulled the trigger. The plasma pistol discharged, right on the chaos space marine’s face.

The chaos space marine screamed and tried to wipe the plasma discharge from his face but it was in vain. His head slowly melted and his body dropped to the floor- he was dead.

“Well the dice god’s like you today or this story has a really bad plot” said Saladin.
“Yeah probably both but better not bad mouth the story, unless you want your beard on fire again” I gasped
Saladin nodded in agreement while stroking the cinders of his once proud beard

“We’d better get moving, the fight is sure to have made a noise and will attract other competitors and I need to recover” I gasped, still recovering from the heavy blow I had sustained.

With that I picked up the powersword and the traitor guardsmen’s laspistol and, with Saladin, I began jogging to a safer place.


Hope you enjoyed it :)
« Last Edit: March 26, 2007, 08:45:54 AM by Tyranid_Wannabe »
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Offline Invisible Elephant

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2007, 04:22:51 AM »
TW and i are buddies, i can spank him all i like. ::)

I gave you all that information and i haven't seen the results yet. I want my character now TW. (or i'll start the spanking again ;))
TRUMPET!!!

Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #35 on: March 26, 2007, 04:48:51 AM »
Nice work, loved it as usual.

I want a character aswell! :D
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline qwertypp7

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #36 on: March 26, 2007, 05:10:22 PM »
lol...
Took you a while to post those two but they are good...
That plasma pistol thing happens all to often to my BT chars...

Offline Invisible Elephant

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #37 on: March 26, 2007, 05:51:59 PM »
To Darkness

when i wrote i want my character, i was refering to one of teh characters that i had given TW information on. I'm sure he can name it Cionnaith if he wants, but i doubt he will.

From Cionnaith

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Offline .:Darkness:.

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #38 on: March 26, 2007, 06:13:57 PM »
To Cionnaith;

I still want a character  ;D

From darkness.

Hehehe, i dont REALLY want one im just making small chat.
“Why did I have to get the imperial guardsmen, you don’t even have any good weapons or features”
“I do so” I said defensively. “I’ve got my lasgun and my trusty bayonet”
“What a gun that will give the other contestants cancer in ten years, or at worst will make them squint. Then you have a blade that’s more suited to opening cans and to top it all off, your covered in cardboard for armour.”

Offline Kjata

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Re: 40k contest- funny parody
« Reply #39 on: April 15, 2007, 11:16:51 PM »
More story!

Please?

 


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