Topic: Guys & Girls Thread - 2003 - 2010

[SwampyTurtle]

Problems again guys and girls,  After the issue at top of this page located above and working on leaving her alone for weeks leading in alittle over a month and a half now,  The girl has started messaging me saying stuff about her current boyfriend (again) and how she loves him so.  I blocked her number for a good 3 weeks only to get messages left on my home phone from her about how she wished i unblock the number and was angry that she couldnt text me anymore, so i unblocked her and let it be figuring she wouldnt text me anyway cause she has a boyfriend and shouldnt be texting me...Right???...Logical?....No     

Starting a few nights ago she started talking to me again posting messages on her facebook about how she loves her boyfriend of so much and how happy she is, while at the same time leaving me messages like:

"Just so you know, the reason why we're not still together is on your facebook"

refering to a conversation i had had with a female friend about me heading off to college.  I honestly had no idea what to say to that so i asked if she was trying to break my heart again or make me feel bad to which she responed

" Ive already done the former, and the latter is what i am aiming for"

Im pretty much over it,   I had the best day ive had in a long while this last week and ever since ive told her that, ive been getting these types of messages from her, Facebook, phone, text, ect.... Its driving me to question alot of whats happened in the past and key points about relationships. Im finding it very hard already to trust people, and this whole situation is causing me to turn even more resentful towards her and her childish ways. Tonight she ended her message with the following:

" Im making a point here, we would never of worked out, and its all your fault that things are the way they are, DEAL WITH THEM"

My week is pretty much at a low right now even after enjoy 9 hours of 40k today

[Hades Hound]

Cut the ties.

Remove her from your Facebook. Block the texts. Make the break and mean it. By replying to her all you're doing is adding fuel to the fire. If bragging about exploits is wrong then you shouldn't be telling her about yours (harmless or not). Just like any troll - how does replying with anger help?

Make the break. Only you can do this for yourself.

What Rummy said, word for word. It won't be easy. In fact, I had to do something similar in the past, and it's going to be damned hard on you. You will think about her, and you will wonder if you should contact her again. But honestly, she's acting beyond childish, and you can't talk sense to a girl in a state like that. Once she sees that she's getting a reaction, she'll keep at it. And if she sees it's not working, she'll try harder and harder. But if you keep ignoring her, eventually she'll realize how much energy and effort she's putting into it, and how little she's getting in return, and she'll finally move on. You have to put her out of your mind, cut all chances for her to talk to you, and ignore any successful attempts. I wish you the best of luck in this.

[legionnaire]

Alright  Swampy i say you have quite a mess on your hands here today.

Now the first thing is shes quite frankly being a child. The whole point of her doing this is to try to make you jealous of the fact that you are not with her and that you don't have someone else.(well as far as i can see from what you've written/typed to us)

The first thing and most important thing is to remove her from facebook, now most likely if you have friends that are also friends of hers you might lose a few of them over this. Well it is most likely for the best i say this because if they are breaking a friendship with you because of her then you see whose side they really are on. Yes this might get some nasty rumors about you spread by her but you know what there rumors and your real friends and the people around you will know the truth. Well unless you did something really stupid while with her then shame on you.

The next step is to block all text and her number on your cell. This is most likely just as important if not more important then the facebook thing. In the worse case change your number and tell it to people you know you can trust.

Now with the homephone its best to talk to your parents about the issue on and hand and find ways to block the number. Now i don't really have much knowledge on this matter it is a good move to tell your parents about and see if theres a way to block her cell number(home number is a tricky one because i don't the relationship of your family with the exes family).

[Rummy]

...so i unblocked her and let it be figuring she wouldnt text me anyway cause she has a boyfriend and shouldnt be texting me...Right???...Logical?....No     

Of course not. Come on man, you knew better than that. No possible improvement could be made by un-blocking her.  What you did was tell her you were still listening.

Get off the hook.

[Blazinghand]

To Swampy:You don't need her in your life. You will move on. You can do it. You will make it. You will be happier and better without her.

Legionnaire is right. Cut the ties. Be free. Don't let this albatross be around your neck. Don't let her ruin you emotionally. She won't be worth it. Don't unblock her. Seal that piece of your life off and cut it clean. You deserve better.

You'll rise above this but you must cut yourself free and do so deliberately.

[Mr.Peanut]

She has a boyfriend yet wishes constant contact with you.  Does she have any reason to contact you other than to malign you, and do you think she's right to be angry that you blocked her?

Is it your right to block contact with her?  She should know the answer to that one.

[Karynos]

Hello everyone, I've returned once more with another question about a different girl.

A friend of mine, a classmate, whom I'd often considered immature and completely unsuited to my own tastes and interests due to her ignorance of pretty much anything even remotely nerdy, has recently caught my attention. We see each other occasionally outside of school, usually once a week after work. We're pretty friendly, but not like really close friends or anything.



Lately, I've come to see that she is no longer as immature and ignorant as I had once thought/observed her to have been. And I wondered if there could be something between us. I was planning on asking her but I chickened out because not only was I worried about what to say, but what she might say or do in response.

Another factor that comes into play is that a good friend of mine is absolutely crazy about her, but she has told him she isn't interested and won't ever be. I don't want to hurt my friend by going out with her (if she should happen to show interest if I chose to pursue her). I'm not quite sure what the protocol, you could say, here is. I know how it feels to see a friend with someone you really have feelings for, and I'm not sure I could do it to someone else.

But I don't know. Sometimes conversation between myself and this girl can be a little dry, but I can't really talk to people in general that well anyway. We don't have a huge amount in common but I'm not sure how much that affects the chances of a relationship occurring. Should I try and ask her out? How should I go about it if I do? What should I do about my friend?


Any advice would be well appreciated, thanks in advance.

First things first, I would talk to your friend about this. It wouldn't be worth it to lose a friend over a vague attraction you have for this girl.

[Grand Master Lomandalis]

Talk to your friend first, even if it is just a question of "hey man, I know you got the hots for her but would it terribly upset you if I asked her out?"

Doing it in the reverse order may make it appear to him that you are trying to do it behind his back which can do irrepairable damage to your friendship.

[Rasmus]

Principally there is nothing wrong with hooking up with someone while hoping for someone better. I would never do it, but that's just me, and it can end in a lot of hurt, especially if you give off false promises. You may find that you genuinely like this girl and spend the rest of your life with her raising kids together, who knows. You will not find out unless you give it a try.

[Rasmus]

Then what makes you doubt giving this a try? What makes you think that this would be more tragic than you try to make it work, it doesn't, and it ends?

[Irisado]

I really am just afraid of the potential consequences. Great, back to square one. Well, thanks for the insight, it's really opened my eyes on this one. If there's any tips you can share about overcoming a fear of rejection I'd be glad to hear them.

Having suffered from fear of rejection on a regular basis, I will give you a tip, and that is that I recommend that you bite the bullet.  What I mean by this is that while any rejection is going to hurt, you do, in my experience, get over it and move on.  What is much harder to move on from, however, is a missed opportunity, when you wanted to ask a girl out, never plucked up the courage to do so, and never found out how she really felt about you.

The latter is very difficult to come to terms with because you are forever left cursing your missed chance, and asking yourself 'what if' questions.  I missed an opportunity in 2003, and I still think about it from time to time, and wonder 'what if', but I'm not suffering from any of the rejections that I was on the receiving end of in the past.  I'm not saying that this is necessarily true for everybody, but from conversations I've had with friends of both sexes, the most common regret revolves around not asking somebody how they feel about you, rather than asking and being turned down.

[Rasmus]

It is all about the math of consequences.

If you try and get rejected you lost... well, some temporary dignity. It will grow back.
If you don't try you will not get rejected, and your temporary dignity will not be lost. Not that it matters since it grows back.
If you don't try you will never succeed. This means that you can never gather positive consequences from not trying, only guard yourself against temporary negative ones.

And trust me, all the stuff I did twenty years ago means squat today, in this area. I can hardly remember all the times I was shot down, and it does not matter, as "keep trying" means I found happiness, in the end. It is so well worth it.

[Crinkler]

Hey guys long time no see and all that jazz but heres the skinny:

I was recently at newcastle uni on a summer school (mon-fri), on thursday i went to a math lecture and sat with this girl (she shall be called Cornetto), so me and Cornetto were sitting playing a game of sprouts basically for two hours. We were supposed to be just anaylising the game but instead we played it and things were going really well and right now me and Cornetto had hit it off and i really wanted to see her again so i took her ring so i had an excuse to speak to her again.

Then the formal ball came, and i was dancing in her group and stuff, nothing major here. But then everyone decided to keep the party going when we got back so we pulled an all nighter, first we started in the games room, then lost some people then we went back to here room (around 5 of us). Eventually it got down to 3, me, Cornetto and her friend...  Mrs.Whippey. We were all chilling like villians on Cornetto's bed until around 5:30 when Mrs.Whippey decided to go get socks, and in the accomodation the doors lock when you leave. So it was just me and Cornetto, she said she wanted to get some rest so we hit the bed. Eventually Mrs.Whippey knocked on the door and Cornetto said we should pretend to be asleep. Then there was a lot of kissing and running fingers through hair, that sorta stuff (nothing sexual, although i kinda get this impression that she wanted to but more on that later). It hit around 6:30am (when i usually get up) and she told me not to leave so i stayed until 5 mins before breakfast.

So as expected, i leave with a big smile on my face on the friday morning (last day), i have her number, facebook and she has one of my bracelets. Things seem to be going well but on friday she seemed a bit.. distant after that. She didn't speak to me much (but also i didn't see her too often) but when i did i took her ring, thinking i would be able to give her it at the end of the day and we could talk. After the days over and everyones packed up (i had already packed) i headed to her room to talk it out and return the ring to Cornetto. Turns out she's gotta get the first bus back so i literally had 30 seconds, there was a few kisses and a hug, not much talking. But i said "if your ever in Newcastle drop me a text and we can meet up" she didn't seem too fussed but she said okay, so now this is the problem.

I have no idea where i stand.

She's from middlesborough, not too close but not too far from Newcastle. But at the moment i'm generally thinking i might have just got played. The way she was in her room makes me think she was after a one night stand or something (she didn't get one, 100% willpower on my part) but after bashing out a texting session she said that she wasn't just after some action and that she did like me, i said the same and the world was good. Since then though, i've been hinting at the possibility of meeting up and everytime the answer on Cornetto's part is vague or unclear.

So i'm now split - this is my bipolar sort of view on things.


I'm stupid. She lives a distance away, it would never work and i'm stupid for expecting feelings to fester after what was literally 24 hours. I should take the hints and just text general conversation which will eventually die out so her contact details are for the odd drunken text or arnie sound board prank calls.
This seems more likely but I don't want that to be the case, theres not been a girl I've thought so much about and all that other mushy stuff for quite a while.


But again, theres part of me that just thinks it'd be better to ask it straight, risking the arkwardness that will fall on our friendship until i realise she lives a distance away and if things get arkward when we talk then we don't have to talk. Unless she says that it'd be cool meeting up, and then i'd plan for that and you'd no doubt see another post from the good old crinkler.


So guys what would you do if you were me?

Honest answers only please even if they're like "stop being such a be-atch" etc..

haha, Thanks in advance from the crinkliest guy in town.

EDIT: On FB, i've just kinda seen her reply to loads of other peoples messages and not mine aint optimism a be-atch :/

[Mr.Peanut]

What you need to do is very simple, doing it may be difficult: you need to relax.  You met this girl and made kissy faces with her once and you're already giving her a cute nickname (with the excuse of respecting her anonymity) and agonizing over your next move.  You're not an idiot, but you'll seem like one if you don't relax.

Take a breath.  She's cute and she enjoyed your company, if she seems distant it may be because you're wound up like a basket case (or, rather, overloaded from the girl game).

[Blazinghand]

To Crinkler:    Dont come on too strong, as this may weird her out. She is back home now, which means she is back at the social environment of her friends. Maybe shes nervous about you, or maybe she just wanted this to be a summer fling and wants to let you down easy. Regardless,  pursue her lightly. Dont overinvest emotionally if youre worried shes not interested.

It could be worth doing to just spend a night out on the town with your friends to clear your head. Youve got girl on the brain. As mr peanut said, relax. Id say, spend a few days not thinking about or talking to her, and get yourself in order. Remember what its like to sing your own kind of song.

With a clear mind, you will be better equipped to pursue (or not pursue) her.

[Crinkler]

Yeah guys, i think that was a moment of panic when i wrote that post And peanut, i was actually eating a cornetto at the time thanks for the advice, i'm pretty sure i know what to do now there's a get together on thursday for everyone that went to the summer school, i'll play it cool like a polar bears backside.